DEFAMED: Stardust Grandma Bazaar
Everyone gear up those one-speed bikes and save that money for a shitty sock puppet robot. It’s the Grandma Party at Stardust May 18th.
This is a special event for those who can’t afford to live in Brooklyn and attend events at the McCarren Pool. This however certainly does not mean they can’t rip off the same exact ideas going on there, only on a much much smaller scale. Before attending this event, please make sure you have read through the dress code and show up in the appropriate and contrived attire: tight denim jeans cut just above the knees, low top converse (no socks) or old saucony running shoes, faded out too tight t-shirt from goodwill, “Faux” vintage 80’s clothing from Forever 21, and hair that hasn’t been washed in at least two weeks.
In addition to your unwashed hair. Please do not forget to scare the shit out of anyone you have ever met in the bar who has yet to see you in the daylight. We’d hate for them to ever believe you weren’t half as pasty and greasy as you really are.
And last but not least, no cars. Now I know you drive that brand new Volkswagen Jetta, but we’d rather you just be cool like the rest of us kids and pretend that you only own a Schwinn from the 1970’s.
P.S . I support this sale. Just not your ugly boat shoes.