Monday, August 18, 2008

DEFAMED: The Polkadots




Many many years ago on planet Ilyner there lived two blonde hobbits, I mean sisters, and a slutty looking cousin. The cousin has nothing to do with this story though because I believe she was expelled from said planet for fucking her own cousins boyfriend. Moving on...Raised on the many applications of eyeliner be it liquid form, roller or sharpened,



and to quote them, being "influenced by only the best, including The Beatles, The Beach Boys and The Aisler Set to name a few." (and we all know how comparative to The Beatles, The Aislers Set is) these little blond wonders were finally full grown to the ripe and tall height of four foot six and sent to invade planet earth with their "music".




They zoomed past London, ignored the East Village, flicked off L.A, and landed in Thriftko. Quickly they grabbed on to all the cliche 60's band attire they could find (which sadly just consisted of cheesy lingerie and knit hats) and started their takeover on the wonder that is Myspace. Feverishly the Polkadots added friend after friend after friend, hitting hundreds and then thousands! They even enlisted a 5th male(ish)polka dot at the time, Defame's own Jameeson Beane, and started to become stronger and more popular than ever! With their "band" now a common name in Orlando, they attacked Ibar when it started its Thursday indie night and later Firestone week after week after week, plastered kcolldesign pictures all over the web, underaged and illegally landed in bbq bar



and finally FINALLY...

They disappeared.

But why? Why did midgets with so much drive and potential, fade into the dark corners of Ibar? Why did a band with absolutely no songs or music...not gain any success? Ahh, the mysteries of our world.

Little is known about these girls we once called The Polkadots. All we have now are mere fragments and reminders of their existence. Replacements. Brown haired slutty dreary versions...




of what should have been the next youtube phenomenon. Had they shown ANY sign of intelligence or talent.

in conclusion...

77 comments:

Anonymous said...

I remember once going to Guitar Center and some guy, (I think his name was Jason or something that started with a 'J') mentioned that he was either the Polkadots' songwriter or instrumentalist. His last words were, "those girls don't know anything!" or "can't play anything", something to that degree.

Its funny that bands with no music can draw more people and attention than any of rhw hard working bands in town.

Anonymous said...

bahahhahahahahha.

Anonymous said...

these girls were pretty much kicked out of the city of miami for being complete dumbasses and driving their car through someone's mansion gates. how you get people like adam frankel or jeff duke telling you you're shitty behavior is not miami worthy is beyond me, but i imagine you have to suck pretty fucking bad.

Anonymous said...

midgets (sds!) hahaha

Anonymous said...

this was everything i hoped for and more :)

Anonymous said...

Sara (the tall one) told me she wanted to be either a model, or do the polka dots thing. After telling me that none of them actually sing, or play anything, I told her to go for being a model.

snare drum said...

I would have gone to every show. I'm sure they would have been better than Ask Me Later.

dlux said...

I like how I went to high school with one of those girls and the make-up was just as thick back then as it is now.

Anonymous said...

that made me laugh

Whit Face said...

Amazing post. Easy target I know, but I've been looking forward to ANYONE calling them out on that blasted music space.

I must say.. they look way better brunette.

Always Reading, Whitney

adam s said...

So why is it that I spend way more time than I should at BBQ, am more involved with music around here than your average person, and I don't recognize a single one of these gals?

Color me completely unimpressed. I heard "Polka Dots!" this and "Polka Dots!" that, and was expecting WAY more. Surely I must have seen these chicks someplace, but nope.

They have a fake band, that doesn't have any music, their only claim to fame is their perceived myspace fame, and apparently they're failing at that too, since this is the first I've ever seen of their overly-made-up mugs.

YAWN.

If you're gonna race each other to the bottom of the barrel, I hate to say it...but do it in a spectacularly horrendous fashion. EPIC LAME is more like it. You can't fail where there's nothing to begin with.

PS - I'm also the president of Sudan and have a solid gold toilet and a rocket car. It's on my myspace and 7,392 of my "friends" know it.

See how that works?

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Anonymous said...

EPIC FAIL!

HAHAHA

ashley said...

oh, how i've awaited this post.

i think they should be the reigning queens of making out with guys who already have girlfriends.

"I like how I went to high school with one of those girls and the make-up was just as thick back then as it is now."

they probably use so much make up to cover up all the acne. :X whoops!

riley said...

funny post. made me laugh seeing them flying to earth the same way door elvis made me laugh.

Anonymous said...

One of the drunken sisters "borrowed" my friends phone, and by the time he got it back from her - she had called over two hundred of his contacts looking for coke. Awesome.

duckbilledplatypus said...

I'm relieved to finally place a name with the faces. Before now I was just calling them "those dead behind the racoon eyes stepford scene chicks".

lemmy said...

i once witnessed 2 of the dots spread eagle and totally wasted.. now im a big fan of vag, but that shit was more haggard than a cheese steak sandwich at sobiks on a tuesday night.. negative boner

Anonymous said...

mmmmm...cheesesteak
ewwww....polkavag

stock up on your antibiotics gang

Anonymous said...

amazing.

josh said...

seriously? The meghan karen thing is totally annoying. Even better is two different groups of people are dead set on the fact that its two totally different girls who don't even know one another. that right there should indicate that we shouldn't just go pointing fingers any which way. i wonder what prizes we get from defame for guessing who they are?
If they are it or anyone else, obviously we should thank them for giving us something entertaining to read that we alllllll are reading whether we hate ourselves for doing so or not. daily and every hour this site is read by anyone and everyonneeeee downtown on a regular basis.

thing is if your going to act like an asshole, or be a coke sniffing slut, or throw yourself across myspace half naked in two dozen pictures
why shouldn't you be written about? you obviously want the attention. it can't always be good attention though. life doesnt work like that. critics are out there. if you think you're a band and your band sucks, someone is going to give you a bad review. if you show your chacha to someone in a bar because you're being a drunken slut, they're going to tell their friends about it.

The worst person isn't the one displaying your shameless acts of idiocy for others to see , because we've all probably wittnessed it anyway, hence comments above. It's the people who get so childish about it that all they can do is threaten someone's life. That right there is absolutey pathetic.

Anonymous said...

where did the comment go that defame just posted? i wanted to reply to it.

Anonymous said...

People are making death threats?

LAME.

The polkadots deserve this. They've tried to get on my junk several times when I've been out sans girlfriend.

I wish there was some sort of polkarepellent I could buy.

Anonymous said...

Oh this is happening everywhere.

Word on the street is Bob Saggot made a blacklist and set off to kill all the comedians who busted his balls at the roast last night.

Grow the fuck up. Even Jeb admitted to laughing at his post. And I have been trying to get my band defamed for over a month now.

defameorlando said...

That's all on these two. Good or Bad comments. You've personally defamed them enough in the past 4 posts. The same way I stopped the comments about Anita's appearance, A photographer who allegedly beat his girlfriend up, Justin and Kate, and Paul and Docta Dawe, I'm done unscreening comments on this subject. The shit just gets old and juvenile. If you think it’s either of them, personally write them. I'm sure they have facebook and myspace accounts.

This blog takes a really shitty turn when it goes from taking witty jabs at a couple of people who blatantly throw themselves out there, to personal attacks on someone rumored to do the site and people's lives being threatened.

And to one of the people who threatened Karen. My tracker has your winter park IP address marked as thee most frequent visitor to this page. Now clocking you in at 573... if you kill off the writer of Defame, what on earth will you do with all your internet time?

kim said...

moving right on back to to polkadots after that creepy downer intermission...

they changed the misspelling on their webpage for you defame. there is hope.

"best friends in a 60's wanna be pop group.. influenced by only the best, including The Beatles, The Beach Boys and The Aislers Set to name a few"

Anonymous said...

ya'll should be at crush getting wasted, there's no school or work tomorrow. besides better comments get posted when you're wasted anyway.

Anonymous said...

Woah goodness, lighten up Orlando. Life is certainly not this serious. Take you melodrama elsewhere... this is hardly the appropriate place to be some sort of hero. :/


Oh and this post was fun :) I especially loved that Epic Fail picture. I lol'ed. Ha, and I always wondered what happened to the fourth one.

JW said...

i've stayed away from this page and personally I could care less. but when you post threats about someone i care about who has nothing to do with this website I SWEAR TO GOD. I WILL CUT YOU GOOD. I WILL CUT YOU LONG. AND I WILL CUT DEEP.

defameorlando said...

Sorry I had to release that one. It was too good.

Anonymous said...

this post was funny. too bad it took such an eery turn.

still entertaining as always!!

Anonymous said...

"I SWEAR TO GOD. I WILL CUT YOU GOOD. I WILL CUT YOU LONG. AND I WILL CUT DEEP."

Haha!! Wowowowow.

If you're really going to be brave enough cut someone so ravenously, why post anonymously?


That made me laugh more than seeing the Polkadots riding around in a cartoon spaceship AND that you can see a hurricane off the coast of California.

Sam Elliot said...

I Can Hold That Knife?

yesss said...

I LOVED this post. Hilarious.

Anonymous said...

:::taking four quiet steps backwards and out the door:::


I think I'll check back in here on the next post.

Anonymous said...

Ahhhahahaha the glamour trolls!

Anonymous said...

Defame Orange County Concepts....it's so lame.

Anonymous said...

I hope you're saving all of these unreleased comments, threats, and suggestions, since the blog began, so that maybe one day you can release a Defame Orlando's Wildest Uncensored Moments coffee table book or something.

Anonymous said...

To adam s, You don't seem them at BBQ because they aren't old enough to get in. It said that in the blog if you read. They go to Backbooth, Firestone, I-Bar, and AKA. They are still on the Saturday Thursday fliers, hidden among the text.

ThePolkadots said...

We just wanted to say, thank you to our fans, we couldn't have done it without any of you. We will continue to apply our eyeliner, and try not to make out with all of your boyfriends. We will see you all again soon, that is when we get back from planet "Polka." Sorry Defame, you did get our planet name wrong, but good try!

"All you need is love..or drunk Dots" ;-)

Anonymous said...

fans..hahahahahaahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhaahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Anonymous said...

Sam Elliot, Leon Russell, Billy Jack ,Charles Fucking Bronson and the Yellow Eyed Jit at the Super Food Mart all have Defames back, so watch out!!

Anonymous said...

I feel like the powers that be here at Defame were surely smart enough to build in some sort of "I'm Spatacus" safety default into this whole idea.

casey said...

polkdwhores....hahahhaa...SHUT THE FUCK UP

Anonymous said...

fans?
ha, the only fans you have are the drug dealers that you fuck for coke. they loooove you!

alex said...

in reply to the polkadots comment,

that was the worst attempt at being funny. ever.

Anonymous said...

Adam:

If you have never come across these girls, consider yourself one step further back from having to get an std checkup.

Anonymous said...

SHANNON IS HOT!

Anonymous said...

shannon stop making your trolly sisters post on here for you.

J. Chris said...

I think Mandy Murphy's the hotter of the bleach blonde twelve year olds.

.. is that wrong to say about a twelve year old? I never know..

Anonymous said...

Did you know that there older sister works for The Colbert Report. I guess there are brains in the family.

Anonymous said...

did you know that someone LIED to you?

Anonymous said...

Yes its true! Their sister works as Colberts very own under the desk blow troll!

Anonymous said...

the best part is the polka dots dont defend anything written about them on here.

they just agree with it all. stupidist bitches in orlando hands down.

Anonymous said...

"To adam s, You don't seem them at BBQ because they aren't old enough to get in. It said that in the blog if you read. They go to Backbooth, Firestone, I-Bar, and AKA. They are still on the Saturday Thursday fliers, hidden among the text."

Yeah, that one pic is them at BBQ, but for a photo shoot thing that Alchemy did and had showcased at Stardust awhile back. I'm guessing it was not during business hours. Are any of them of age by now? I remember hearing about these 'dots maybe 4 years ago!

Anonymous said...

one is of age i believe.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that one pic is them at BBQ, but for a photo shoot thing that Alchemy did and had showcased at Stardust awhile back.



I hate alchemy even more now.

Anonymous said...

dont hate the writer of this blog. don't hate the commenters. it's no one's fault but your own that you guys are known as such local sluts.

think more before you behave that way in the clubs next time. we're all noticing. and as a normal redblooded male, its not in any way attractive. it's gross.

Devon said...

No, their older sis does work for the show The Colbert Report. She is some producer or something. I know it's not a lie, she went to Rollins with me. Actually, they are all really cool. Their Brother is also an amazing artist.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for deleting my rant against you. So lame that you filter comments. If this was a true blog you wouldn't need to mediate.

defameorlando said...

First off your rant was against someone who doesn't do this blog, for the 1500th time in a row. Second, you posted it after I said I wasn't unscreening any more comments about the same old shit subject. Third, I don't give a fuck what you think of my blog and whether it is "true" or not.

Being able to moderate comments is the BEAUTY and power of this blog being mine. And I can count on one hand the number of people whose comments I haven't unscreened out of hundreds.

Anonymous said...

hahahaha hey loser. why should the owner of this site have to unscreen any comment insulting them or their blog?

who would want to advertise that shit on their own page?

sorry bout your luck but i don't think they are going to be the ones to give you your "voice" on here...

Anonymous said...

i guess this is not a true blog....tears...more tears...realization of untrue things...tears...

i know what is true. polkadots are skankkkkkkkssssss.............................

Anonymous said...

a sister supposedly working for such show does not make these two any cooler in my eyes. still cokehead trash...

deadbehindtheeyes said...

Ladies. Telling us lies about your sister still doesn't make us want to be your friends. Nice try though...

JEBIDANZIG ELVISTEIN said...

I LIKE SEX AND VIOLENCE.....AS LONG AS ITS ACTUALLY SEXY..AND WE ALL GET EXCITED WHEN ACTUAL VIOLENCE OCCURS...."THESE REACTIONS ARE PRIMAL".. HOWEVER POSTED THREATS AND TWO DIMENSIONAL BULLSHIT IS...WORTHLESS..AND WEAK..I RESPECT THE PEOPLE WHO CAME ON HERE TO PROTECT THE GIRLS YOU CAN INCLUDE ME AMONGST THOSE WHO WOULD DEFEND THEM....BUT WHEN I FIRST FOUND OUT THAT I WAS THE SUBJECT OF THIS BLOG ""A BLOG THAT I WAS UNFAMILIAR WITH""...I DIDNT CARE WHO THE FUCK IT WAS MY..MY FIRST REACTION TO BEING VIOLATED IN ANY WAY IS SEVERE AND UNSTOPPABLE... THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF STOPPING ME..IS ME....FACT IS NO ONE OTHER THAN PEOPLE LOOKING FOR FREE PUBLICITY REALLY WANTS TO BE THE SUBJECT OF THIS TYPE OF FORUM...OR HAVE THEIR LIVES REDUCED TO THE PERCEPTION OF A PHANTOM BLOGGERS CREATION...BUT AS I SAID EARLIER...THIS ELECTRONIC UNIVERSE IS BY NATURE ,,BULLSHIT..SO..HAVE A COKE AND A SMILE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP..YA'LL

L said...

I was at AKA with my boyfriend, I was in the bathroom for 3 minutes only to come back to one of these trolls trying to get up in his shit. Even after I told her to get lost she STILL wouldn't leave. It was really bizzare and uncomfortable.

Anonymous said...

Jeb fucking rules
Amen.

Anonymous said...

"Yes its true! Their sister works as Colberts very own under the desk blow troll!"

I LOL'd at that.

Anonymous said...

this is quite possibly the harshest defame yet.

Josh Fucking Spickler said...

Harshest yet? You obviously haven't read everything.

YOU said...

yeah i mean theyve been called out on getting fucked publicly, having stds, being drug addicts and having some major personality defects...even aaron wrights wasnt that bad...am i wrong?

Mama said... said...

Maybe the fact that these girls have left the "scene", if you can call it that in Orlando, is a good thing. Maybe they have learned what the readers of this blog have ceased to- to quit caring what other people think. I have had a few interactions with them and they seem nice.

Anonymous said...

Where did you find that Epic Fail picture?

Seriously, hilarious.

me said...

"yeah i mean theyve been called out on getting fucked publicly, having stds, being drug addicts and having some major personality defects...even aaron wrights wasnt that bad...am i wrong?"

the fact that they commented on here and said thank you to their fans and defended none of the above, more so agreed with it all, also says a lot. maybe because they all know its so true and already public knowledge...

Yeago said...

Their big boned, curly brown haired friend once cornered me and demanded to know if I had made out with the younger one. When I told her 'no' she just kept saying 'yeah rite, ew, how old are you? yeah rite, ew...' Very odd. Their cold stares keep me warm on Tuesday nights.

Ashley said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

thank god this happened.

<33

Anonymous said...

ahahahahhahahahahahahaha this is the best.