Monday, September 15, 2008

DEFAMED: Brofest 2008

It happened BBQ bar. You've been Defamed. However, I'm not taking digs at the bartenders who seem to hate waking up every afternoon, or the jukebox that hasn't been updated since 2001, because I'd gladly have a conversation with someone as bitter and sarcastic as I, while listening to a choice of songs as old as Ibar's dj's...examples in no particular order...

1. The Pixies- Gigantic
2. At the Drive In- One Armed Scissor
3. Built To Spill- Cortez the Killer (all 20 minutes)
4. Summerbirds In The Cellar- Behold The Wolf

all for the 1800th time, any night of the week.

No. I'm going to focus on the mistake you made years ago. Opening that fucking door between yourselves and Ispy, a.k.a The Portal To Hell...




Exaggerated picture? I think not. There is NO reason why these two groups of people should have ever been forced to mix together. Which leads me to the reason behind this post...




Also, the number one reason you should have avoided downtown and all it's brosky visitors like the plague this past weekend.

Thank you again, BBQ bar, for letting that entryway ruin one of the last places we all had to hide from this crowd. What was once a beloved sanctuary for passive aggressive buddy holly bespectacled indie rockers and sebadoh fans stuck in the late 90's has now become...every place else downtown.

I love you BBQ, I do. And I can do without the extra bathrooms. I'll even wait in line to urinate into a tiny room dirty enough to give me something I'll have to have a doctor scrape off my genitals by the end of the month. Just please...

Seal that fucking door.

85 comments:

adam s said...

This brings us to our "other" scourge of downtown, the Flatbiller.

BBQ/downtown was so full of white boy rapper tattoo'd action sports dude pitbull owning energy drink loving BMX pedalling wakeboarding Pennywise bros this weekend, I could have sworn there was a Limp Bizkit/Kottonmouth Kings double-header going on at Wall Street Saturday night. I had one beer at BBQ and wanted to go home post haste.

Jesus H Christ, don't these guys have more folds-in-two-months clothing labels to start?

I would talk more shit, but I don't want my car to get hit by anyone's lifted Ford Expedition with Pep Boys spinners and Famous Stars and Straps stickers all over it.

Did I cover all the stereotypical bases yet?

Sincerely,
The guy who appreciates the Pavement and Sunny Day Real Estate in the jukebox at BBQ Bar, and would gladly help seal that unholy door.

Anonymous said...

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i lasted five minutes in downtown over the weekend. fuck you big giant stupid convention center.

mark said...

This post speaks volumes for defame. You made me laugh with that song list, you know your shit.

Veronica said...

Holy fucking shit, we were all wondering why that place was soaked with douche Friday Night. My best friend got kicked out because she called out two Billabong-jean-skirted brats who were mean-mugging her. They kicked us regulars out and let those surf sluts continue to drink and leak vagina-juice all over our booth! That shit aint right, man.

Anonymous said...

ah good. a post not built for 18 year olds to comment on. i was there around the time the door became unsealed. and i agree, i'd rather have the three gross bathrooms back then that line of dudebro traffic that never stops moving behind me at the bar. plus, i met a lot of cute girls in line at the bathroom. i miss that.

Anonymous said...

haha. i was asked three times if i wakeboarded while at bbq bar last fri. night. i;ve never been asked that in my life.

ugh said...

bbq bar needs to think fast with its rap hip hop spinning dj nights before they turn into just an extension of gnarly duddeee ispy.

also stay away from the electro. PRESTON.

Anonymous said...

fucking shit.

it's about g'damn time this post was written.

go back to fucking pounders or scoops or whatever those "gnarly" bars that get you laid are.

leave us to our beers, booths and pornographic picture finder.

Anonymous said...

LOVE IT.

Rona said...

I thought the surf expo guys were hot.

Anonymous said...

i was bought more shots for being a girl this weekend than any other weekend i have ever been to bbq bar.

this doesn't make me want to be around these guys any more often than i need to be, but i have to say it was a nice vacation for my wallet.

Anonymous said...

RONA = http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/9725/femaleflatbiller793814zd5.jpg

Anonymous said...

I love this blog. I swear it reads minds.

incognito said...

that hells gate picture made me laugh outloud. defame orlando, youre loved by the right people downtown. bartenders/ owners whatnot.ive entered several conversations involving this blog and even though most of us at the bar dont comment, we read you.

pretty sure we all know its ahem writing, and we only love you more because of it.

now defame hurst for the ispy/bbq door. its his fault.

Anonymous said...

mark aka n00b,
this post, not any of the rest, speaks volumes? fucking serious? the songs were taken from a beloved bars aged jukebox, not someones obscure record collection.
fuck.
that comment really bothered me.

Anonymous said...

Where's Cesar? Shouldn't he be defending his expo?

D said...

Agreed. That door never should have been opened. Just like Jeb should better screen the blue button up wall streeters who drunkenly end up in bbq bar friday nights after happy hour. I hate friday and saturday night crowds there.

Anonymous said...

pretty sure thats a girl on the left in that picture. broskygirl.

asshole social bouncer said...

And I thought it was because there was a full moon out. The only reason I like fratboys is because I can use the word bro up to 5 times in a single sentence without them realizing anything...and thats when they are sober (if you can believe these swimming-in-daddies-money Scrooge McDuck motherfuckers actually are sober at some point).

Anonymous said...

haha. I was confused about the crowd that was out as well. Makes so much sense now. Next time tell us this ahead of time!

Anonymous said...

BEER PONG!!!!!!!!!

Cesar said...

lolz!!! lol lol guys this stuff is funny but lol i had fun downtown and at the expo lol you all stop hatinz lOLOSZX
lOXZLLLZX


LOLLZLZ!!!!!

Anonymous said...

This reminds me.. I need to go get that pre distressed and frayed khaki visor at American Eagle! Thanks Brah!

j dilla said...

my name is rona and i only shop at abercrombie and i still wear trucker hats. i like to go tanning and shopping and ill suck your dick if you look like you work out and play a watersport.

Anonymous said...

anonymous mystery solver- you're not a bartender or a bar owner. you're just hater. hate on.

Anonymous said...

I know what bar probably doesn't like this blog. Suite B.

Pity.

Anonymous said...

i am SO HAPPY this got defamed. god downtown sucked this weekend.

Anonymous said...

lets try for the first time in our defamed lives to keep the comments relevant to the blog?

this post was perfect btw.

now i will move on to youporn.com. irrelevant to the blog, but important to me.

peace.

Anonymous said...

PROOOOOOO HOESSSSSS

Anonymous said...

surf brahs are the guidos of orlando

Cesar said...

damn..why would somebody post with my name?? get a life loser

at least when i come here and do post a comment i dont hide behind an anonymous comment

good post defame. all i can say is i had a blast this weekend i love surf expo and i always get to see a lot of friends from out of town and people i used to work with and thats always fun... yes i was there saturday night and noticed a lot of people from expo but ohh well, just a weekend of more business for BBQ right?
(now time to update the god damn jukebox!!) my friends from Canada that were here for the expo went there saturday night and had a blast they had nothing but good things to say about BBQ and Jeb hahaha.

I did noticed a bunch of deuchebags i give you that one!

one thing i'd like to say is.. since I hang out in both scenes just happens to be like that thanx to the places and companies i worked for the past also from going to the beach so often.. I really dont think its right to hate on everyone thats into the action sport scene or whatever you wanna call it if you dont know much about it. I'm talking to the people that post the comments not you Defame, you can hate on anyone i like you.

anyways take me for example I'm part of that scene but I've always been nice to a lot of you I believe and I also think i can be a good person to have a conversation with lol


ps

before anybody post any hate comments... I go downtown to drink and have a good time with my friends and if you dont like me doing it or dont like me for some reason YOU CAN GO SUCK A FUCK!
hahaha

Anonymous said...

has anyone seen jewlie downtown whores new myspace headline? hahaha. she doesn't even live in the state anymore and she's plugging defame.

Alex Walden said...

cesar,

i will only hate on you for one reason. you typed "...go suck a fuck."

i fell asleep during the rest of your comment. The only reason I saw the suck a fuck part was because it was in caps.

boredassbitch said...

seriously, can not one person spell "DOUCHE" correctly? and remember, the bag itself is quite sanitary, its being put up a vayjayjay as a cleanser that makes it sort of gross... A vagina is like a self cleaning oven , it actually does not need that type of cleansing. If you do, you got problems, lady, and head to EPOC.

on a side note, VOTE OBAMA, Mama!

RealSOB said...

Oh wowza CEEZEER thanks for blessing us with you insightful and optimistic outtake on your wonderful life. At no point during any of your droning, misspelled massacres do you make any sense or follow any sort of thought. I hope deep down you know that your brain just doesn't operate at the capacity of even a normal person.

Anonymous said...

my god, cesar is so fucking stupid.

"i had so much fun and got to see out of town friends and it was really amazing we all had a great time i will give you this there were deueuechebags and blah blah blah blah blah blah."

shut up. you sound like a varsity cheerleader on meth at a rainbow party.

hitler said...

hahah "deuchebags"

sehr deutsch von Ihnen cesar

St. Jude said...

Nobody vote for either major party. Both parties suck, they're both rich and -gasp- politicians.
Nader, baby, Nader.
This post was great. I actually found myself getting jealous when I saw my favorite unnamable scene girls whoring it up on the dancefloor with these guys. C'mon, ladies...Don't play with my heart like that. And please, seal that fucking door/doors/whatever it takes.

Anonymous said...

i was wondering why bbq bar sucked extra hard on saturday night. it all makes sense now. the sucky energy was palpable. so many dbags and their stupid sluts. wasted fucking morons just looking for a fight and a wet hole to finger.

defameorlando said...

Any ideas on a new word to replace the most over used word this year "douchebag"?

I think it's time.

Anonymous said...

How about "twat waffle"

the whhhat?! said...

thewhhhat.blogspot.com
IT'S YA BOYYY!

Snake Plissken said...

colostomy bag works for me, a much shittier insult..

Vegas said...

How about Giant Douche's arch enemy Turd Sandwich

anon billon and one said...

twat waffle..hahahaha. haha
i agree with anon # billion.
our girls were whoring it out with those twat waffles. i got pissed.

boredassbitch said...

actually, a year or so ago , Dan Savage coined the term "Santorum" - which means the frothy mixture of cum, anal juices, excrement and lube. Basically, leftovers. It was named after Rick Santorum, the conservative senator, who is a major dueche bag. haha. but it seems really appropriate for some people's former boss! not 100% appropriate for the jerk offs out this weekend.
but lets not hate on the the guys with the big buff arms and tight abs and super strong backs that hope over rails and crazy shit while holding onto a rope with a board strapped to their feet. they can't help that their brains are rattled from crashing into walls and stuff. At least they look good. sort of.

Waldo Faldo said...

I offered up "shitbag" a long time ago, but It might be too similar. Maybe "dick-arm" or "cuntswab."

Red Herring said...

Let's keep it tried and true.

Scrot.

like scrotum.

sarah said...

hahaha. leave it to the boys on this blog to all come up with something equally nasty...

Oh it's Brett said...

As one of the three people involved in the discussion to open the door in the first place, I apologize. Seemed like a good idea at the time, when we only had a handful of questionable people in iSpy.

Anonymous said...

Aww man.
Poor Evan Smith getting defamed from Sexpo.

Hes a chill kid.

feelgoodorlando said...

beaches are fun!

Miss Uncreepy if your nasty said...

It came and went and I managed to miss it all. YAY I escaped a year of dudebrah dillholery. Thank god for the common cold.

Konrad said...

I copyrighted "douche nozzle" so don't copy me...

Anonymous said...

sackface.

Anonymous said...

better stay at home Oct. 16th - Oct. 19th.

AST Dew Tour - Playstation Pro event will be in town.

James St James said...

"Despite your pseudo-bohemian appearance
That vaguely leftist doctrine of beliefs
You know nothing about art or sex
That you couldn’t read in any trendy New York underground fashion magazine
Prototypical non-conformist
You are a vacuous soldier of the thrift store Gestapo
You adhere to a set of standards and tastes
That appear to be determined by an unseen panel of hipster judges (bullshit)
Giving a thumbs up or thumbs down to incoming and outgoing trends and styles of music and art
Go analog baby, you’re so post-modern
You’re diving face forward into an antiquated path
It’s disgusting, its offensive don’t stick your nose up at me"

-Say Anything

yeah... said...

st jude - heres a better idea - nobody vote. at all. if no one votes - they can't obtain power! or just write in something as ludicris as 'chuck norris' or better yet - 'walker texas ranger'.

abstaining - the only way to hold your values sacred!

plus - if voting really changed anything, they'd make it illegal.

Anonymous said...

st jude - heres a better idea - nobody vote. at all. if no one votes - they can't obtain power! or just write in something as ludicris as 'chuck norris' or better yet - 'walker texas ranger'.

abstaining - the only way to hold your values sacred!


wow..great advice there! I'm going to listen to someone who believes ludicrous is spelled LUDICRIS yo! Fo' REALZ LOLZ!
Advice:Next time, keep your brilliant observations to yourself and your co-workers at Circle K.

face said...

we hate it also. surf expo sucks. sucks sucks sucks.

general consensus said...

Dear blog owner: I hope that you have taken into consideration the fact that the longer this blog is up and the more hatred and separatism that you create, the more you will have to answer for when we do find out who you or who you all are and I guarantee that you will be exposed because it may take time, but in the end, the truth always has a way of revealing itself.

get a grip on reality and focus on your self. you have to be a seriously fucking stupid person with such deep pain haunting you continually to lack all morality and have no conscience for all the damage you are creating to an entire community so that you can feel better about yourself.

Creativity cannot thrive in an environment where everyone is too scared to express them self. Who gives a fuck if this one kid got crazy at a party and was having fun and making a fool out of himself. or if some girl became a porn star. We all have that dirty little side to us that goes on to explore in the dark, but who the fuck cares, seriously. No one is without shame. We all have our secrets and a past that cannot be changed.

get a clue, you will have to answer for this in the long run when you are exposed on national media and it is only a fool who underestimates the power of unity, a good lawyer and an amazing private detective.

Anonymous said...

general consensus,

no one gives a fuck what people do. its still funny to laugh at when its captured in pictures.

your general consensus is a bit off by the way. if not for the pure fact that two entries ago there was a worst of awards pretty much hand written by the readers of this blog and two hundred comments to follow.

keep your threats elsewhere. its really not that bad. get the stick out of your ass. my face has been on here and you know what my reaction was? i laughed.

Vegas said...

National Media? I didn't know LA or NY cared about what happened in Orlando...

Anonymous said...

exposing DEFAMED to the national media??? wow "General Consensus", what a drama queen! get the sand out of your vagina and laugh a little

PS: I think the media is a little more concerened with the billions lost on Wall Street right now (and who the Jonas brothers are dating, of course)

Joshua Brian Spickler said...

ATTN: "General Consensus"


It's me. I wrote it all. Come fight me.

Anonymous said...

yes... everything can be settled with violence

Anonymous said...

dear general consensus,
please lighten up a little bit. take a xanax, enjoy your evening, and if you don't like what you see, stop looking. Just like TV, you can turn it off.
I can only think of one smug little shit from this town who has enough money to throw around for a great lawyer, a PI (hopefully its Magnum PI!) and thinks they have enough power to expose someone on national TV. If that asshole Shannon Burke from the LARGEST TALK RADIO STATION IN THE USA didn't or couldn't make much of a stink about being on www.dontdatehimgirl.com , why would the government change the first amendment over your hurt feelings? If you have the money, the time, and the impetus to keep trying to "DEFAME" Defame, you have way too much free time on your hands.
Perhaps you should spend your time with a dictionary. Looking up words such as "satire," "jokes" , "Humor" and see if those words resonate with you on any level. Or take up knitting... I heard its quite relaxing. And plus, if you start freaking out about Defame Season 3, just poke yourself in the Fucking EYE!
I think when you say something to the effect of "the power of unity," you should remember the "unity" is in the people who read this blog, to laugh, poke fun and continuously make comments about their peers. I think its done in fun, and most people get it. I don't need to know one single person thats been Defamed to know that the intent is not to hurt, but is to poke fun at the silliness, that is us.
Okay, maybe to hurt, but more like a poke, not a stab.

defameorlando said...

National Media here I come!

Josh Spickler said...

Anonymous:
Yes. It is. Cry about it.

Anonymous said...

last night i had a dream that somebody nailed the door shut.

im praying someone will sneak a hammer in one of those big ass purses everyone has now and try closing it while drunk

K. said...

I just googled "DJ AM condition update" and the fifth website to come up was Orange County Concepts, lol. Anyway...

obama said knock you out said...

Defame-
You should use your powers for good to help get people registered to VOTE by 10/6.
It's only a week away... then you and your readers can go on hating. What do you think? Maybe a blog about how to register or where the Obama office is (Mills / Colonial)... i'm sure you can think of something creative.

Anonymous said...

josh spickler sucks A LOT of dick. I'm sure everyone already knows though, or maybe that secret has yet to crawl out of coral springs.

Shawn said...

A-effing-men. I've been bitching about this the day the seal was breached. After reading this post, I'm glad as hell I've been sick the past couple of weeks and have had to stay indoors.

Well, I guess there's always Hoops these days...

Anonymous said...

The fact that the mastermind behind Defame Orlando is also the mastermind behind Save Our Scene is ripe with the sort of irony that hipsters love.

SUPAJEFF said...

BA HA HA HA HA

F THOSE PEOPLE

I'M GLAD I DIDNT WORK IT

I NORMALLY HAVE TO WHOOP SOME D-BAGS ASS WHEN I DO.

U CAN KEEP THAT CRAP.

ENJOY SUCK EXPO BBQ

Anonymous said...

Yeah its been defame's master secret plan all along to ruin carnival so that they could create their own shitty dance night called s.o.s-Save Our Scene.

Almost identical to carnival with the same shitty bartenders at the same shitty venue and with same shitty adrian dj'ing and promoting it. anonymous you are brilliant and by brilliant I mean retarded.

Anonymous said...

Are you going to write how Renee Stage has been dating a guy 3 MONTHS and moved him into her house, is PREGNANT and getting married!! HAHAHAHA what fucking white trash

Anonymous said...

should we expect more from renee? if i were her and finally got a boyfriend i'd hold on to him for dear life.

Anonymous said...

on another note, I think Mike Busey needs to be re-defamed. Check this out.

http://orlando.craigslist.org/tlg/864317872.html

Anonymous said...

I'm scared shitless of this fucking thing. Season 3 go away. Defame go away.

Anonymous said...

all of you need to stop judging a person by what clothes they wear and what bar they are at. I'm sorry i dont just dress in vintage and american apparel only... i like bbq and eye spy... all i want to do is drink and have a good fucking time. who the fuck cares where the hell i am. ok so the surf expo people may not be the coolest people but shit at least theyre cordial instead of looking me up and down judging me everytime i walk by them. And the ones that arent nice... well you always get some bad seeds in EVERY crowd. Get a fucking clue, you all are lame.

Anonymous said...

^
|
|

boring. why do people like this continue to come on this blog.

"ok so the surf expo people may not be the coolest people but shit at least theyre cordial"

funny, i found them the most drunken, obnoxious, rude and annoying guys to ever serve a drink to.

face said...

hey, we just made the door to eye spy from BBQ even LARGER!

Mme Paulita said...

I'll have to agree. I went into bbq Saturday night after a long hiatus and was singing along to Sunny Day Real Estate just like I was 8 years ago. On a side note though, what would they replace it with..I really couldn't stand it if Panic at the Disco was in its place or something. Is Precious still in there?