Wednesday, September 3, 2008

FINALLY

THANK YOU ALL FOR VOTING!!

That's complete sarcasm. I am such an idiot for not realizing how fucking long this was going to take me to tally up and finish. Once I saw it hitting well over 100 votes my lazy ass wanted nothing to do with this contest anymore and honestly contemplated not giving you any of the results and just shutting the blog down.

But here I am. With the winners...losers. Whatever. And remember the following was all contributed by the readers. I by no means gave the official stamp of approval to anything below. Except maybe the places where Blood on the Dancefloor were mentioned...


Hit The Defammy’s Theme Music!!



That works.

Now for the results. Commentary provided by YOU, the readers.

WORST BAR FOR DRINK SPECIALS

1st Place THE SOCIAL by far

“The Social - If the non-local band you wanted to see had the good sense to stay away from Hard Rock and HOB, they probably ended up here. They don't rape you on drinks quite as badly as the other two, but please, don't insult my intelligence. $4.00 for a Newcastle is not a Drink Special.”

“The Social. They aren't "special" if they rape you in the ass for some PBR.”

2nd Place PEACOCK ROOM

“peacock does suck, how can you charge 6 plus for beers when your entire club is gross as fuck and you just dim the lights so people can't tell your shit sucks!! Seriously who wants to party with really old people any ways!! horrible place.... with no drink specials to be heard of... and shit half the time my beer is warm as fuck.”

“Peacock who could stand the music to even find out about the drink specials”

3rd Place BACKBOOTH

“Backbooth. Seriously. They say "free beer" but it's skunk as shit. Then again, beggars can't be choosers.”

"Backbooth by a long shot. Unless it's a keg of swill being given away to get people in the door to listen to shitty DJ's, there are NO drink specials. Ever. They win"



WORST EXCUSE FOR A LOCAL MUSIC ACT


1st Place BLOOD ON THE BIG FUCKING SURPRISE DANCEFLOOR



“Blood On The Dance Floor. I am going to mash down buttons so furiously I could be confused for a World of Warcraft gamer. I have not seen shit this bad since I pushed a porto-potty over with a drunk dad in it. I had the pleasure of working a cd release show for them this year. As a bouncer, the only thing I wanted to bounce was myself into the afterlife. Penis cakes. Penis cakes and balloons. 15 year old boys making out with each other like the meaning of life was hidden in their throats. Have you seen the cd cover? It is so outlandishly and overzealously gay that George Michael wouldn't suck Dahvie's dick at a Boy George concert, let alone a public bathroom. If my parents opened my car door and saw this peacock-haired moptop fuckup holding a stuffed heart saying "Lets Start A Riot!", they would take a belt to my back so fast I would call myself Toby. My ears are blowing steam and I look like I just swallowed a capfull of Dave's Insanity Sauce just reminiscing about this show. I must've been Attila The Hun in my past existence because God rained down sheets of piss on my life that dreaded evening. The only unlucky souls who can attest to my despair are the ones who have had to endure the misery and desolation of working a Blood On The Dance Floor show. I would gladly trade in a month's pay if I could somehow turn the sands of time and never been in the position I was in that abysmal day. Am I the only one that would trade Dahvie for Caylee Anthony? I think not. Blood On The Dance Floor. . .what a dumptruck of shit.

2nd Place CORI YARKIN AND HER ROCKSTAR KARAOKE BAND


3rd Place KILL TO WIN (Oh yes, they beat Kinetica)

“Kill to Win- i honestly have never even paid attention to them. just looking at them annoys me. and their night sucks”

Honorable Mentions

Kinetica

Gargamel

"Gargamel, for reminding us that juvenile 90's rap metal, bald tribal tattooed guys with Alice In Chains goatees, and shiny shirts are still all the rage in the 21st century."

In Passing

“In Passing- not that those assholes need anymore attention. They flirt with as many girls as they can at the bar to only to plug their shitty ass music.”

“In Passing. Other than the fact that I can't stand their music, there's a nice personal touch here. One of the guys with the wacky haircuts, stole my beer and claimed it was his for about an hour. In Passing steals your beer when you're not looking.”

“In Passing- Homo queers passing themselves off as Christian born again vaginas.”



WORST CLUB/BAR IN ORLANDO


1st Place MAKOS

“Makos, I went there once because I could drink for free and at one point during the night all of these alarms started going off and all of a sudden male members of the staff jumped up on what appeared to be a stage and ripped off their shirts (if they were wearing them) and did a choreographed dance and lip-synch routine to Limp Bizkit's "Rollin'". I now know what white people hell is.”

2nd Place TABU

“tabu = stabbings”

3rd Place tie LIQUID CELLAR AND POUNDERS/OCTAGON

No one had anything witty to say about either. I imagine that is because an explanation is definitely not necessary.



WORST WEEKLY DANCE NIGHT

There isn’t even a need for a second or third.

1st place went to CARNIVAL for the kill



“carnival - who the fuck do they think they are charging so damn much to get into a sweat filled cluster fuck of a bar to pay even more ridiculous prices for drinks and be bombarded by every night time photographer in orlando over what could only be described as the worst of the worst sounding hipster techno everrrrrrrrrrr.”

“I'll say Carnival, but only because I hate trendy homosexual party promoters. And just to be PC I hate heterosexual party promoters too.”

“They all suck, but I'd have to go with Carnival - I'm allergic to 18 year old bar sluts.”

“Carnival. I've only been there once. But that one time was enough for me.”

“CARNIVAL CARNIVAL CARNIVAL A MILLION TIMES OVER”

Eh what the hell.

2nd went to HANDS UP

“Hands up... I think that nights name alone answered the question. If you want to re live your middle school days, follow the little flying hands there and take the time warp back to hang out with kids in that age range.”

“Hands up recently got canceled or "moved" so I am going to go with Hands Up for not holding down their night.”



WORST WEEKLY CLUB PROMOTER


The best part about this win is that it went to someone (by a landslide) who I used as an example that isn’t even an actual promoter.

1st place HUGO



“Hugo isn't a club promoter..that's a joke. that dude is a straight up waste of time and space.”

“Hugo because the pressure of being a club kid causes nervous breakdowns for this young man.”

“Hugos a promoter? Let's pick that one. And when did asians start talking with valley girl accents?”

2nd Place MC RAD

“MC Rad, matt doesn't even show up to half of his own events, and yet they still pay him.”

“UGH!!!! All of them! I guess MC RAD”

“MC Rad-tarded”

3rd Place FRITZ

“Fritz because his myspace comments are annoying as fuck.”

Honorable Mention :

"Mike McRaney, for single handedly running the music scene in this town into the ground through threats and openly cheating acts out of their hard earned money."


WORST CLUB PHOTOGRAPHER


1st Place ERIK’S PHOTOBOOTH



“most unflattering pictures for girls. Period.”

“That Erik douche”

"erik the girlbeater"

“Eriks Photobooth x1000000”

"Erik's Photobooth. See also: Another Johnny-come-lately douche who bought a DSLR, made a myspace page, learned how to oversaturate everyone's faces in photoshop so they don't look all pasty and acne'd, and is now considered a "professional" photographer.

Fuck all that book learnin' and experience required of real photographers."


2nd Place THE GUESTLIST

“The Guestlist. These guys will stalk you and hunt you down until they slam one of their grubby little cards in your hand. Then they'll slither away to grab another photo. I once walked away with over 7 of their cards in a single evening. Constantly, I would say "No no, I've already gotten your card...it's perfectly fine...no...I don't need another." They remind me very much of a japanese beuracrat. Bow, exchange business cards, move on to the next, bow, exchange business cards. But at least the japanese have a beautiful sense of tradition with them...in fact, The Gueslist should hire japanese men to take peoples photos and hand out business cards. I would be more impressed by this.”

3rd Place J. CHRIS CALLAHAN and KCOLL DESIGNS for the tie

“J. Chris Callahan, because honestly, the last thing I've seen him photograph is himself; actually, it can't be him, because half the time he's giving his camera to some random drunk college kid to take a picture of him and some other fag-hag.”

“KColl. Why he thinks making people look sweaty, pale and diseased with AIDS is attractive... I dont know.”

Honorable Mention

“Brian Champion Photography”



WORST LOCAL DJ

1st place to SAM (and his mixtapes)

I can’t do an actual second or third for this, because really I don’t feel like counting them up. You all rattled off every single fucking dj in Orlando on here at LEAST three or four times each. Here’s the list in no particular order…

Rock n Roll Troll
Hall Call
Charlemange of Kill to Win (Jon Swan?)
Kittybat
"
"Anyone who's NOT Kittybat, Y-NOT, Secret Weapon, Adam S, Ge3on, etc. They all play the same garbage, and couldn't fit in a song that wasn't a 4/4 130-140bpm techno beat if their lives depended on it.""
Docta Dawe
Diddles
DJ Koolbreeze
Miss Fit
Deville
Adrian Hypnotic whatever
Lloyd at Metal Night
Pauly Crush
Perry
Young Buck
Mott
Kill to Win
Zach "Furoche" Fortune\
Justin James
Some Itune DJ at Matador
Bubba
"Scott from I-Bar, Midnight Ass, etc.
Besides the fact that he does NOTHING AT ALL that an iPod with a playlist couldn't accomplish, the host of the funk/soul extravaganza that is Grits N Gravy has never heard of The Meters, or a James Brown song besides "I Feel Good.""
Josh harder Sauce Cracker Jackson and Tyson



The rest of the votes were just basically people who wanted you all to either quit dj’ing or die.




WORST LOCAL BLOG


1st Place. I’m not naming the winner of this, because I vowed never to acknowledge its shitty existence or failure. You all voted it plenty, so I'm sure you know.

2nd Place ORANGE COUNTY CONCEPTS

“orange county concepts and that chick that promotes for them, sam. i have never met a more annoying/abrasive person in my life. if she takes another picture with an occ card in her flat chest, or making out with a girl, i think i'm going to blow my brains out onto the lawn.”

3rd GLITTER AND GOLD

“Glitter and Gold. Beyond overrated. The fact is that the site is only getting as much hype as it is because Pauly is fronting the ability to plaster half of their promo flyers with the logo and link to Anita's blog. I'd be interested if it were able to stand on it's own without the helping hand of Pauly Crush.”

“Glitter & Gold, boring content and all those new hot songs she posts are sometimes weeks old.”

"Glitter And Gold, which is now run by another soon-to-be "DJ" who's musical credentials include leafing through the American Apparel catalog, and listening to one of those Scion Mix comps once or twice."

WORST MYSPACE PROFILE

1st Place KINETICA




“God Kinetica. While reading their "about me," I wanted to shoot my face in. Their music? I wanted to hang myself. I think defame labeled them perfectly as the most conceited, self absorbed, borderline narcissistic dullards that ever walked the streets of downtown Orlando.”

2nd Place RIP ROCKIN RICHEY

“rockin richey, or that dude next to the fireplace..”

No time for third. Only
Honorable Mentions:

Kill to Win. Remember when japanese children had seizures watching pokemon? Kill to Wins myspace profile will give your children seizures. And they know it too.

"Kill To Win, for being banned in 48 countries for inducing seizures. "

http://www.myspace.com/defenzmechanizm

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=96495164


Blake Anger and Jamesson



WORST MYSPACE MODEL

1st place MANDY MURPHY





“Mandy "cum all over my face" Murphy”

"Miss Mandy Murphy. If only for that photo where she MS Painted numerous "media" accolades over her stomach. Can we have a "Most Self-Absorbed/delusional" category?"

2nd Place DOWNTOWN JEWLIE PURPLE

"jewlie. even though she moved. she still sucks"

3rd ALL OF THEM



WORST DRESSED MALE

1st place MICHAEL from Alchemy







2nd Place YARDLEY

“Yardley for the win , Michael, or Seth Beach. All dress fucking retarded”

“Yardley and Docta Dawe dress about the same. Both look like a rainbow sneezed on them in the morning and they decided not to wash it off. I'm going to go big on this and say SupaJeff at Backbooth. Time and time again do I think he only wears the same hat and the same "I learned from Lesbians" shirt. I know there's a group of them...but I believe he only owns these shirts. Superjeff or Elvis. I can't stand the Rockabilly look. And now, after the Yabba Dabba Doo comments...I think he's also dressing like Fred Flintstone. Oh! And maybe I can find him out there...but there's this gay black guy who dances in clubs by himself all the time and wears a skin tight Batman Beyond shirt and black leather pants. That guy!”

3rd Place DOCTA DAWE

Sorry Dawe, no one went into detail…




WORST DRESSED FEMALE


1st Place KRISTIN from Alchemy (sorry girl, you killed the competition)





“ahahahhahah KRISTEN”

“Kristin Elizabeth Jones (make sure you spell it right) and don't forget for all your vintage needs go to Alchemy or Etoile boutique....If You’re Nasty Vintage...stand up!”

“Hands down... Kristen!”

“Kristen from alchemy. No one wants to see that ass in gold tights”

"Kristen - how many pairs of those gold American Apparel leggings and jackets that look like they were stolen from the Disco Pirates Of The Caribean can you own?"

The rest of the votes were just randoms: Lindsay love and her ugly tube dresses, Falon, The Polka Dots, Some big girl in moo moo’s and leg warmer sock things…


WORST FASHION ACCESSORY/CLOTHING CHOICE

1st Place KANYE WEST SHUTTER SUNGLASSES



Other randoms included (cut and pasted from the votees):
Bandanas
scarves in florida. its fuckin 100 degrees.
glasses with only frames.. no glass
“baseball caps with gold stickers left on. My vote! Makes no sense.”
Those weird elastic headbands that girls wear around their foreheads like hippies
sidekicks and iphones.
90's dayglo clothing
stupid fucking t-shirts with wolves and mystical shit on them.
Anything 80's...They were over 2 decades ago
Dresses that show off your vagina.
Special colorway sneakers and the entire "culture" that surrounds them. What's cooler than paying $100 for a pair of ugly, sweatshop mass produced Nikes? Paying $400 for the same pair in neon yellow crocodile patent leather with plaid lining that they only made 3 billion of.
head to toe american apparel
Gay male best friend
Supras, new age moon boots for hipsters
Volcom, Hurley, and all other branded gear.
Crocs with the add ons.....
eighties sweaters
racoon stripe extensions a la dahvie
NEON SHIRTS WITH LARGE PRINT!
The keffiyeh. If I encounter one more person who thinks it's cool to wear and that it's just a "middle eastern scarf" I will knock their fucking teeth in.
FUCKING WEARING FLIPFLOPS OUT TO A BAR
Fixed Gear Bikes.
galvanized headbands/hats
Sweat bands!
feathers tied into braided hair
flat bill caps
the booze you're clutching like a life-line in a sea of people that hate you
"urban" wear on extreamly white people.
grandma clothes
Jen Waylen. I wouldn't even touch her with your dick.
?



WORST PERSON TO RUN INTO IN DOWNTOWN ORLANDO

1st place WILL

“WILL!!!!!!!!”

“Will!!! FOR SURE”

“SHWILL!”

“OMG fucking will!!!!!

“ANNOYING WILL. Time and time again, I've thought about getting my hands on riddelin and depositing it in his drink. Once, I held him by the throat and told him to quiet down. He wouldn't stop screaming and doing impersonations! The man is a living breathing tv set, but you can never stop the channels from changing. “

2nd Place KELLIN

“Kellin by far”
“Kellin. Definitely.”
“Yes. Kellin”
“Kellin for sure, jesus.”
“Kellin, just because he used to swordfight with his brother when they were in middle school.”

3rd Place THE POLKA DOTS

"The polkadots will get you and try to touch your willy."


WORST HAIR: MALE

1st Place DAHVEY FROM BOTDF




“Dahvey's "Do It Himself" extensions”
“Dahvey. If that's even actually hair...”
“Dahvey - though I still want proof it's male”
“Dahvie. Seriously? Just spell it Davie, or Davey.”

2nd KONRAD FROM KINETICA

“konrad by far. ive never seen anything like it.”
“holy shit, konrad and his elf friend”

3rd MICHAEL’ S NEW HITLER HAIR
“michaels hair for sure. who the fuck does that kid think he is?”
“HAHA, Michael's. I preferred the long do.”



WORST HAIR: FEMALE



1st place KRISTIN POODLEHEAD JONES (again for the kill)




“Kristen's hair is atrocious.”
“Kristin POODLEHEAD! Hands down I can’t believe that girl is an actual hairdresser”
“Kristin’s 52 year old fat trailer trash fresh out of the curlers mom hair”
“Alchemy's Kristen. For someone who works at a trendy hair salon she has trashy bleach blond hair.”

2nd Place HOLLY’S NEW HAIRCUT

“hollys shaved britney spears head”
“Holly and her new dike do”
“Holly’s no hair. Guess the extensions were too heavy for her head”

3rd Place FALON

“Fallon. It’s just a disgusting mess of dead fuzz stuck to her scalp.”
“Falon or anyone at Alchemy. I’d never pay dirty sluts with the worst hair in the city to touch me”



WORST FLAMEY FAGGIEST HOMO QUEER


1st Place ADRIANNNNNNNN

2nd Place Dahvey (who supposedly is not even gay)

3rd Place Hugo, J. Chris Callahan? Tyson? Roger from Matador?

You’re all such haters…



WORST LOCAL ACTIVIST GROUP

Surprise Surprise

1st Place SDS



“The SDS. Get over yourselves or move to Berkeley, I mean everyone is for democracy but pushing your self serving agenda on me isn't democratic, it's facist. You all are closer to communists than you realize, but once you join the real world or your parent's cut off the money flow you'll realize exactly how misguided your views are.”

“Students for a Democratic Society "Seriously guys, let's just stop all this fighting, get together at the House on Rouse and smoke a bowl together! C'mon everyone, peace, harmony, and illegal narcotics for all!"”

“Suckers for a Democratic Shitstorm”

“Matt Devliger”

2nd Place ANITA’S DEFENSE SQUAD

“Insert A team quote here from the comments section awhile ago. Anita Defense Squad.”

"All those people who defend Anita online, or: The Crush deejays through their continued promotion of the desecration of musical culture."

“anita is a moron”

3rd Place

“The Coalition of Nazi Abortionists in support of Makos......(it could happen)”





WORST LOCAL CELEBRITY


Ugh I really didn’t care or feel like counting this one.

It looked like the majority ruled on these two guys

1st Place MIKE BUSEY AND CHRIS KIRKPATRICK



WORST CLUB TO ENTER AS A FEMALE


1st Place TABU
2nd Place MAKOS
3rd Place ELEMENT



WORST FAILED CLUB NIGHT

1st Place VOYAGE’S PEANUT BUTTER FRIDAYS

2nd Place FIRESTONE’S BLACKOUT
"Blackout, for "triumphantly" trying to bring back the OLD Orlando electronic scene. Skinnys, Alpha Bar, and Thee Groto went out of business for a reason. It's not 1997 anymore, and no one wears JNCOs except for the 20 people in town that attended Blackout."

3rd Place BACKBOOTH’S RUNWAY



WORST MALE BARTENDER

1st Place MARK (old dude) AT SUITE B

“Mark at Suite B. You've already heard my rants on this man and his horrible ability to bartend...or not do drugs... He looks like Anthony Bourdains retarded brother. And I think he's only 30-35. Bourdain is 51 and looks better than Mark does.”

2nd Place ANYONE AT SUITE B

3rd Place goes to a few ties

BRAD AT BBQ/I SPY

“Brad at BBQ, moves so slow he actually gets younger when he works.”

“Slowest: Brad Register, sorry.”

HENRY AT BBQ BAR

“Can't think of one.....it used to be henry at bbq bar when he wouldn't serve me drinks ...I got grounded”

“Henry from BBQ. Weakest drinks ever.”

“henry - nice dude that sometimes gives me a free drink here and there but damn if he doesnt have the weakest pours ever”


SUPA JEFF FROM BACKBOOTH


Lot’s of votes. No legitimate reasons.


JOSH CALL BACKBOOTH


“Josh Call. "The Straight-Edge Bartender". He makes drinks WAY too strong because, hmm, I don't know, could it be because he's never actually consumed anything that he's making for his costumers?!”

Note from Defame: Don’t you EVER complain about a strong drink again.



WORST FEMALE BARTENDER

1st Place “That Bitch at BBQ bar”

A Bunch of you voted this way. No one seems to know her name. I find it interesting there were so many votes for bartenders at a place like BBQ. It's not exactly a hospitality driven friendly bar. Anything that could be said about the bartenders could easily be said about the patrons they are serving.

2nd Place SHELLY AT BACKBOOTH

“That bitch at the backbar at backbooth with the tats”
“That one girl at Back Booth that tries to act creepy but fails miserably.”
“Girl at backbooth with leopard tattoos, not AMBER”

3rd Place AMBER AT BACKBOOTH


And lastly…


ADD YOUR OWN DEFAMMY!



worst/best place to catch an std after getting fucked in the bathroom - bbq

i wanted to write something about a specific guy who thinks with his dick not with his head, but then i realized that classifies as most of orlando. so its not to specific but yah.

Worst Handle used to Comment on Defame: Anonymous.

Biggest reason to believe in misanthropy Worst fixed gear kid as well You kids have google...you look it up!

Keri Smith - Worst Fixed Gear Kid/Worst Pretend Crust Punk Who Lives Off Of Parent's Income/Worst Myspace Friend Whore/Worst Fake DJ

Worst Camera Whore: anyone in Orlando who becomes friends with the photographers just to get their picture snapped.

Worst person to be ran out of FL. -Delmar

Worst all of the above: Furoche.

Worst "Where are they now" Club Promoter Jen-do She was ALL OVER THE PLACE during the "reign" of Pauly Crush at SaturdayThursday. But shortly after the break between Firestone and the old crew, Jen seemingly disappeared. She showed up a few times more at CRUSH but after a while we never really saw her again. Could someone enlighten us on the girls where abouts before an Amber Allert needs to be issued. Because I mean, she was really what 17 when S/T was at it's peak? Nothing like fake ID's and low moral of club DJ's who hire minors.

worst inevitably-soon-to-die trend that went way overboard for no good reason- fixed gear bikes. fuck 'em!

This Place Sucks Award: Orlando

Worst Bathroom: Bar B Q bar's. Any of them.

Worst place to eat after getting shit housed at those lame clubs: PITAPIT, not because the food sucks because its generally pretty decent, but because the fucking line gets so ridiculous sometimes and drunks still have the club mentality and act like theyre still at wherever they came from (taboo? i dont know where those yuppies go) looking at you like you might be interested in their silk collared shirt and shiny wristwatch. at that point in the night fucking seems foreign in the sense that whenever i do get home and im fucking someone who might possibly be half as worthless, the silky shirt shiny watch pops in my brain and i vomit all over my one night stand who i thought id end up dating and be in love forever with but it turns out hes not into vomiting. yeah, bummer right?

Jen Whalen is a skanky skank

Thoughts, in no particular order: 1) Fuck Ricky at Dragon Room. The guy's a scumbag and has no idea what the hell he's doing. If he's not too busy trying to fuck his new promo girls/shot girls, he's busy trying to see how much of the local wakeboarders' cocks he can swallow. 2) Hipsters. You already covered this, but it needs reiterating. Fuck them. 3) When I worked downtown doing street-team shit, there was all sorts of hillarity. As I mentioned earlier, one of the highlights was watching that guy who used to be at Dragon Room... Jeff? Jack? Anyway, the guy was one of the two out front of the club, and on the regular, he's smack the shit out of someone, make someone feel like a complete asshole, or stand there and make a fratboy with a shitty fake ID look like the crap he is in front of his 16 year old roofie-victim who he was getting wasted with daddy's credit card. 4) What's Hot. They're lame. 5) Fuck the pedal-cabs. It's like Orlando's answer to bike messengers, except with more creepy old men.
Worst idea ever- Club nights. All of them. And Club Photographers.

Worst Downtown Pizza Place: Gino's. It is absolutely not acceptable to raise your prices just because the sun goes down. $5 for a slice of cheese pizza? Get fucking bent.

Evan ("estrange") wins the nomination for the most embarrassing person to be seen with in person and in photos.

Worst community idea gone bad: Critical Mass. Hey awesome, let's raise awareness about bike riders and bike safety in Orlando, let's all get together once a month and ride. That's cool, but then you get the scene kids into it, that have to kick cars, spit on cars, act like assholes because they're on a bike or make it a total fashion scene, fuck you.

worst local cam whore=renee worst local whore of orlando=amanda gibbons

"Antique Row" along North Orange by Lake Ivanhoe. How come everything is closed by sundown except White Wolf and Savoy? I've still never been in Rock n' Roll Heaven cause they are never open!

Worst Camskank Falon and Renee. Falon because she is the last person on earth I’d want to see naked.

Worst bar for underage Highschool drunken teen boppers: Library, Scoops, Liquid Cellar.

Biggest loser OR worst guy to date, Erik form Erik's photo booth

Worst place to meet girls? BBq Bar. I think the ratio of men to women there is 3:1.

I'm not creative enough, thats why I read you defame.

doug woods

Art Shows are a raping ground for site content.

Ugliest and Poorest and Greasiest and Most Likely to be a Pedophile and Pretend to Read Books to Look Cool and Steal WiFi From a Car Outside of Starbucks Because They Are Poor: WINNER: Paulie Crush

Worst local bar slut : Ashley (find her sitting at BBQ bar trying to fuck your boyfriend) FYI tacky!

Worst Music Critic: Bao Le-Huu. Every time there is a spark in the local music scene, Bao manages to whip out his Vietnamese fire house and douse things. He referred to my friends as "Absolutely Brainless" a few months ago, and gave us the "Artistically Anemic" tag last month. He needs to get past the "B" page in his thesaurus of insults. And fuck him.

Worst wait staff. Tatame. Stop checking my bottle every two minutes. Once every 15 to 20 minutes is all you need.

JEN WHALEN- she is a dirty skank KASEY- for being a fucking bitch/asshole bartender from hell

worst bathrooms-firestone worst for encouraging scenester clones-bbq worst live music-central station worst/best dive-lou's lounge worst at opening on time-will's pub worst at reporting all the truth, and nothing but the truth-orlando sentinel

Worst Pedi Cabber -- Patrick "the Straight Edged Black Cowboy"

Worst local cam whore - RENEE STAGE - ASHTON VON - NO GIRL NEXT DOOR

Worst Jukebox- BBQ bar. PLEASE GET SOME NEW CD’S IN THERE. AND PLEASE DON’T LET PRESTON OR TYSON HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT GOES IN.
worst blow job - kim (dr dawes ex)

worst place to take a piss in public: anywhere in point Orlando

Worst fixed gear kid... has to be the red haired on with glasses and the bianche hat. Get a life fan boy.

Worst non downtown clubnight , Blue Martini's monday

Smelliest Kid In Orlando = ZACK "FUROCHE" FORTUNE

The kid who rides that double-welded bike. One day he's going to bust his ass and I will laugh. Again Reneee is indeed a whore, ive seen it with my own eyes. Fuck you downtown hipsters for making orlando such a shitty wannabe LA.

Worst Pedi Cabber- Alex Is Life. You would think biking around he would have lost some weight, not gained it...

Worst Cam Whore- Falon

worst excuse for a local "mag" - connections

Worst thing to happen to Downtown is the bike crew

Finnhenrys railings outside are not bolted down. STOP LEANING ON THAT SHIT, YOU FUCKING DOLTS. Every night I see some stammering jackass or some punch drunk bitch fall flat on their dullard asses because they think that a 30 pound railing can contend with the weight of their fat gelatanous asses. Stop chugging that sex on the beach, honey, it is clearly making your judgement that of the crackheads that hump the concrete for pennies.

The Defame: Orlando commenters who have only lived here for 6 months and spout off about this town like they actually know anything.




Goodbye my little haters. That took forever and was the dumbest fucking idea I ever had and I realized this once all your votes started pouring in. I think this is a good note to take a long awaited vacation from this blog on. And by vacation I mean I'd like to quit this thing for a few months if you don't mind.

Post away.


<3 Defame: Orlando

214 comments:

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Kim (o.g.) said...

That ratio is why I love bar B Q.

Anonymous said...

Kim,
what must be included in that ratio however is the following:

beer bellies, bad facial hair, dudes in their mid thirties that are JUST about to get their Associates degree cuz they're "getting their shit together", bad cutoff jean shorts.unknown STDs .and COSBY SWEATERS!!!!!!

medison said...

now i understand the heat really makes you guys pissy as fuck, so be it. but seriously, get out of your bubble, visit nyc and really understand what east coast fashion is all about...defame, i love what you do, but stop tryin to be like vice mag or street carnage and just stay topical.
some of the worst dressed aren't as bad as you may think...

but as a whole, damn, you guys are haters of life. if you hate orlando so much, go online, job hunt, and get the fuck outta there. why do you think i did?

medison said...

oh, and don't diss the cosby sweaters, if they're dope and hard to find, than that's whats up...

Right Time, Wrong Speed said...

can i give an acceptance speech?

Elroy said...

Laura is that bitch from BBQ Bar.

defameorlando said...

First off, it was a voting catagory. Not entire essay on someone's clothing. And I didn't vote this shit. Where did you miss that part?

But, I'm still pretty knowledgeable of the fashion in NYC and and I do know its not Punky Brewster knock off attire.

But whatever. Keep using Williamsburg as your source for whats "in" in the fashion world.

kristee said...

medison...ew..seriously. you don't even live here and you're reading a blog about here?

Anonymous said...

it's not laura i was talking about

carrie said...

Please do Adrian.

SamIam said...

Well, all I have to say is I can't help it if OCC likes taking photos of me, or the fact that I am PROUD of my tiny titties...it just cracks me up that the photo that happens to be mentioned under OCC is the only photo of me with a card in my shirt and was used on their website. As for kissing girls, only one time was OCC present for that and my face was actually attacked by Dr.Dawe's new little gf---the other night was at Roxy with another OCC promoter and we won a lesbian kiss off! What can I say, Im comfortable with myself and my body...at least I dont have stretch marks and a floppy vagina like someone who might have written that comment! xo

veronica said...

the "bitch at BBQ" who isn't laura is danielle.

Anonymous said...

Danielle is awesome. No bartender is required to kiss anyones ass. Especially not in a place like bbq bar.

veronica said...

for clarity's sake, i have no problem with danielle.

Anonymous said...

um. there are only girls and two queers commenting on the blog so far.

matty j said...

FUROCHE WINS AGAIN!

duckbilledplatypus said...

lol@ the social for worst drink specials, although it's not true that HOB and Hard Rock are more expensive. Believe it or not, The Social's regular drink prices (for liquor at lest, I don't drink beer) are higher! Pretty sad when a corporate machine is easier on you than the local venue that claims to be all about the music. But their customers aren't the only ones they rip off so we shouldn't feel special.

Red Herring said...

It's a major work day in the office.

Don't worry...they will come.

Anonymous said...

that bitch at bbq is danielle, and yes no one is required to be an ass kicker but damn compared to other female bartenders she's the worse. stephanie who is usually there on saturday nights is amazing.

oh really? said...

fixed gear bikes are retarded in a city that...well, isnt a real city.

renee is gross, why would anyone want to see her web cam.

cosby sweaters are stupid...get over it.

That Guy. said...

The "Add Your Own" are by far the best ones, haha.

Josh Spickler said...

Sweet rant on the Social.

furoche said...

this shit is awesome. thanks defamed!

emtron said...

I kind of love those bad cutoff jean shorts.

Red Herring said...

I'm changing my vote to the party formerly known as carnival. They say that everything is changing...so I can only guess they're taking an obama platform and then going straight-up contra music with line dancing.

who wants to say something about johnnytheboy from miami?

Any takers?

Anonymous said...

I will. Johnny the boy needs to stay back in the aids infected underage cesspool that he created in miami.

Anonymous said...

west coast here i come....

been here, leaving again said...

Wow...Orlando is certainly full of itself for being a podunk town with absolutely ZERO clue about the rest of the world.

You idiots live in a giant bubble. You're cut off from the rest of the world and the rest of the world thinks you're a joke...because you ARE. Seriously, use your google-foo and bring up stories about how much the rest of the US makes fun of you.

Even Keith Olbermann: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12421024/ (bottom of the page)

Look, get out of this shithole and try traveling past your hangovers and one-night stands. Look beyond your bloated self-importance and ridiculous drunken stupor. You're alll too drunk, too lost, and too ignorant to realize the rest of the world doesn't care about your antics anymore. You're a sad and pathetic excuse for a town. Yes---TOWN.

I've lived in most of the largest cities in the US. That doesn't make me 'better' than you, it makes me smarter, more worldly, and more educated than you.

Take your indie wanna-be lameness, your skinny bike reatrdedness, and your tight cut-off fagot jeans and grow a pair...step out of your cheesy non-ironic mold. It's just sad.

Bartenders don't have to kiss your ass. You people suck the life out of them while tipping them in fucking coins, you selfish pieces of filth.

And fashion? HA! Gimme a fucking break. Fucking shave, you dirty nasty fucks. And wash yourselves. I swear it;s like a contest to see who can be more nasty and disgusting.

In closing I'll just say...do your worst. Any and all replies to me will be summarily laughed at for the sheer audacity and ignorance that is sure to spill forth.

Anonymous said...

i think you need to defame the fixed gear kids already.

Yeago said...

The lack of variety between the douche-nozzles chronicled here just goes to show what a pipsqueak city we live in.

Yeago said...

@ "been here, leaving again said..."

Funny when people think they're such hot shit for moving to a bigger city. Of couse 80% of these foolz are back living with their parents in Deland in 10 months.

Found Vinyl said...

Wow. Yall are some serious hatin' ass haters.

Jenn said...

Not to bad. always was legal though.

Supa Jeff said...

wow. in just a couple months i am the best, then voted (almost) into the worst. cute. i love this blog. and i love the person(s) who take the time to poke fun AT THESE PEOPLE WHO ARE SO SELF INVOLVED/TRENDY/DOUCHEY/SMELLY(zack ha ha). I GOT MENTIONED ON DEFAME. baby i made it. ha.

XOXO

jeff.E

Anonymous said...

Johnny the boy

he is a big NO NO NO
girls be careful

Anonymous said...

What are you kids talking about? Shelly is the only personable person at Back Booth.

james said...

johnny spinning carnival is just another direct example of why it was voted worst dance night and why it's failing. nice job guys.

Anonymous said...

this blog is the only good thing about orlando. this shit was hilarious.

Anthony said...

People actually complain about Josh making their drinks too strong?

Where I come from that makes them your favorite bartender.

Charlemang said...

Thank you everyone who voted. I accept these awards out of pure hilarity. I only hope things can get even more hilarious. Kill To Win is currently making our myspace even crazier (by demand), we plan on using cdj's, or itunes soon so we can look ultra profesh, and I think Hands Up is coming back? I dedicate "How Bizzare" by OMC to all you! Thank you!

jim said...

Man, I really thought Waldo Faldo's hair would win the worsty.

Anonymous said...

We're all just a big post pubescent highschool here in this nightlife. Let's just admit it.

asshole social bouncer said...

I'm honored my hatred for BOTDF and my opinion on how I am bombarded by idiots that come into The Social made it. Top of the world, or bottom of the barrel...Im not quite sure yet.

Whit said...

The best thing about Orlando is there is so much to hate on.. we really have so little to hold on to here.. that and PBR.

Love the quotes. We really are so hate fueled here. It's nice to take the focus off our shitty economy.

WTF is a fixed gear kid? I already want to hate them with that label! ^^ Or call out some Nazi's so I know how to spot them... they blend in now.

Keep on keepin on.
<3456
Whit

Anonymous said...

Shelly is the only cool person at backbooth. How hard is it for the other bartenders to pour your PBR? That's not bartending. Let's see them make a proper cosmo, mojito, or any drink that has more than two ingrediants, oooh sorry, you kids haven't graduated to mixed drinks yet, since you don't yet know their names, and they cost more than $1

Anonymous said...

"been here, leaving again (ahem, delmar)"...really?
i'm rich, have been around the world and back, and have two degrees under my belt and am working on my third. i've been published in adbusters, vanity fair and the new yorker. people pay me to go to school here. i fucking love this city, more than anywhere else. i love downtown. i love fucking scummy thirty-something bar fags (i politely turned YOU down two years ago). i love waking up with the taste of cigarettes in my mouth, and spending the majority of my day working off last nights hangover in order to go out and do it all again. i love reading trash talking blogs like defame orlando, and i hate when assholes like you come on and try and "school" its readers on your profound cultural awareness cause anyone who plugs keith olbermann is CLEARLY livin the good life.

THE WHHHAT?! said...

THEWHHHAT.BLOGSPOT.COM
IT'S YA BOYYY!

been here, leaving again said...

Anonymous,

Whoever this Delmar character is, he is certainly not me. I'd be happy to prove it, if needed.

So, we're playing the 'my dick is bigger than yours' game, eh? Ok, I'll bite--

I, too, hold degrees in 2 areas of study, a Doctorate in Religion, certification in the IT field, and over 5 years of Psychology and Sociology training.

I've been published in Wired and the New York Times, as well as quoted and referenced in many online blogs and new sources.

Unlike you, however, I do not gauge richness on such shallow pursuits as money but instead on the caliber of my friends--most of whom I have known for over 20 years. I also gauge it on the experiences life has given me, the places I have seen and the realities I have opened myself up to.

Sure, I generalized somewhat in my reply, but that's an easy sell in O-Bland-o. Fish in a barrel kind of thing, you know?

If you love this TOWN, then good for you and your pathetic drunken idiocy. I'm glad you are comforted by the sort of chaos that comes from wondering how many STDs you got this week. I am sure your parents are proud.

Personally, I am sickened with the apathy, ignorance, and general malaise in this town that has lead everyone to drink themselves into a blathering mess.

Also, for you to start out with something as pompous and smug as 'I am rich' says more about you and your fucked up Florida-related bullshit politics than anything else you blabbered on about in your meaningless reply. Especially ending it by making a crack about Olbermann.

Only a complete and utter douchebag of a republicant neo-cunt would say such things and act so almighty and better than the 'little people' like me.

Hey, if I am wrong, tell me. Otherwise...you wear your colors through your words. Very well.

What you do today profoundly affects your future. You want to die by the time you are 40 of liver disease, lung cancer and an STD, that's your business, but don't drag everyone else along with you just because your pathetic, lonely, disgusting, self-hating whore of a self needs drunk buddies.

Anonymous said...

oh, and don't diss the cosby sweaters, if they're dope and hard to find, than that's whats up...

Umm thanks medison, based on your definition I think I'll remain "unhip" which will in turn assure my ability to get laid by someone who doesnt look like a cross between Strawberry Shortcake and a box of melted crayons stuck to the seat of some soccer moms Ford Expedition.

spokesman said...

To "been here, leaving again"

We're quite aware of how much our town sucks. You don't need to reiterate this for us. You do realize that's the POINT of this blog, right? Or did you miss that when you and anonymous rich guy were trying to obtain your 15 college degrees to out educate each other (yet you both landed on this blog right along with the rest of us dumb orlando kids)

Anonymous said...

I hold a masters degree from Yale and have recently obtained my PhD in Comparative Douchebaggery from Oxford University. I wear a velvet coat and smoke a pipe. I have many important leatherbound books and my study smells of rich mahogany. I have two prizewinning Afghan Dogs at my feet. One is named "Chaucer" and the other "Thoreau". I am better than you. I bid you adieu!

been here, leaving again said...

spokesman,

Absolutely. I never once insinuated that I was any better than most of the people here. I made sure to reference that fact in both my previous replies. Sadly context and content are missed when people are only looking for keywords and phrases. Part of the death of English is the new internet habit of 'skimming'.

However, the difference is that I can step back and see the absurdity without having to get mixed up in it. Mostly because I was once involved in it.

To be honest, I was once one of the drunken idiot losers downtown. I did the Visage thing, the Club Spacefish/Beach Club thing, the Kit Kat thing, the Yab Yum thing, and the Firestone thing.

Having that background gives me an inalienable right to 'diss' the masses.


If it were up to me, I wouldn't be here. However, I am here for unselfish pursuits. Not that you asked, but the reason I came here is my grandmother became ill.

Besides, this is just the internetz, right? Nothing is serious and nothing is gained/lost.

Right now, I'm just here for the free entertainment.

Anonymous said...

when i wrote that bitch at bbq bar...i definitely fucking meant Laura.

beeeeeeeeee-otch.


also, new york is a fucking ass expensive big state filled with pretentious twats...examples of cities with said twats?

ie: williamsburg.

also, who said that just because you live in orlando you drink yourself to death every night. that's just a fucking bullshit generalization... some of us appreciate our livers but enjoy going out to watch these fucks make fools of themselves.

on a brighter note...this might be the second best post on defame. the first, of course, being the polka dot one.

mah said...

To "been here, leaving again"

"Part of the death of English is the new internet habit of 'skimming'." Speaking as if skimming a large chunk of text is a new and novel concept?

As you go on to say, "Besides, this is just the internetz, right?"

That, mon ami, is the death of English. Adding a z on the end of a fucking word.

You act as if skimming text is some "new internet habit" that you won't let yourself fall into, but you say "internetz"?!?

Please, go back to where it is you came from. Leave us here to our own devices, this comment board is supposed to be lighthearted in nature.

Anonymous said...

This is great.

eat shit ass hole said...

been here leaving again is some washed up 30 something year old that wishes he was still something other then a washed up no body! get a fucking life all ready..... way the fuck would you be on this site if you held such degrees..... please asshole hang your self all ready.... cause im tired of reading your boring long ass fucking stupid stories about how much cooler you are over all of us "kids".... please die.... honestly... die all ready i fucking hate you

Your Only Friend said...

Loved it. / Hate that I've been detached from it for a year and only appreciated half of the awards. / DeBeer L.A. watch for it. / <3 / I wore my Kill To Win Shirt all labor day weekend and made me miss all of this. / But I'm in l.A. so not Really.


<3 YOF

Anonymous said...

OOOHH SIQ BURN.

been here, leaving again said...

Mah,

There is nothing lighthearted in attacking someone's character. Very few of you know the people you speak of here. Even fewer care to.

Personally, I have yet to find myself the focus of all of your insecurities superimposed on a message board for the whole world to see. I'm quite positive by the caliber of personality that I hang out with that it will remain that way. And yes, I have made my attacks, too...much like this blog has. I'm keeping my commentary in the spirit of this fine blog. I have not, however, named names.

As for my use of 'internetz', it was made in jest. Maybe you've heard of this new phenomenon known as sarcasm? It's pretty keen. Had my post been strewn with vulgarities and a barrage of AOL-Speak then I could understand your animosity.

Which reminds me; Where is it written only the people who agree with you, your views, and your way of thinking are allowed to post here? Sure, the author of this blog has the right to deny anyone she wishes, but that's her call...not yours. It's an open forum for all of Orlando, last I heard.

'Idiocracy' is alive...and it was born in Orlando.

adam s said...

@ been here, leaving again...

Sorry, I've already claimed the old fuddy duddy curmudgeon "you kids get a job/you kids don't know shit" asshole dad role here.

Despite your vast education that you seem to enjoy bragging about at length to substitute for your "inernet muscles," (seriously, it's nice to see someone who's pretending to be a writer for established periodicals, rather than a 4th degree blackbelt mixed martial arts navy seal ninja) if you actually read the article you linked to (or just ran a simple "find" on the page), Orlando is specifically mentioned exactly oh, I don't know...0.000000 times.

They throw out a lot of generalities about Florida, and there is a single mention of Orange County, but hopefully someone of your educational (ahem) stature, should surely possess the cognitive ability to understand that while a city can reside in a state, a state is not a city (except for the Vatican), nor is a county a city.

Oh wait, it's 9:15. I'd better go drink myself into a stupor and promote my new dance night, Malaise.

Asshole.

Yes, much of the lesser developed areas of Florida are still strange backward places. Yes, Orlando, as well as any other large population center on the east or west coast has a huge LA/Hollywood-wannabe complex, that is confined to a small pocket of loudmouthed people aged 18-40. The rest of us have jobs, graduated from college, and are productive members of society who choose to occasionally come on this site to laugh at the general retardation that afflicts that small pocket of people.

If Orlando is the great Satan you people make it out to be, WHY the fuck do you keep moving here in motherfucking DROVES?

And further more, why do you keep complaining "oh, well NYC/LA/etc. is better because of ______, you bunch of morons!" Seriously if it's so great, STAY THERE. Stop coming to other cities assuming people should WANT to be like you, and if they don't the city is full of "morons" or "has no culture." I have no desire to dress like a grown up version of myself at 10 years old, and listen to BOOM-SH BOOM-SH music made by people with MacBooks and blogs, who should stay 500 yards from music at all times.

This whole hipster movement is like the Crusades of bad taste. "Oh wait, these people don't like INDIE DANCE? What the fuck is wrong with them? Don't they know this is the big thing in NEW YORK CITY? Archers of Loafwho? No man, I'm talking about INDIE..."

The only thing worse than all of this, is bitter ex-hipsters who supposedly "grew up" and got to write an article for Wired or the New York Times and now think they're above the cultural tarpit they climbed out of.

You've been "quoted and referenced in many online blogs and new sources?" Seriously? What kind of big achievement is that? Seriously. I'm a fucking nobody and just "quoted" you, you genius he-man you. Add that to your long list of non-achivements. See how the internet works?

Anonymous said...

"been here blah blah blah"
the fact that you missed the sarcasm of my entire comment proves what a fuck you really are. also, assuming that someone has STDs because they enjoy sex is pretty ignorant. assuming someone with have liver disease because they enjoy drinking is even worse. assuming i have a dick is just plain offensive. who are you, anyway? i love that you feel the need to assert the ways in which you find meaning in life...as if most people DON'T fulfill their lives through friends and learning. go away please.
sidenote...i fucking hate joe lieberman.

fixed gear scofflaw said...

yes please defame the "fixed gear kids"! It will finally give the all the fat ass alcoholics who lurk downtown a reason to feel better about their sorry lot in life...

Maria said...

Heh, this was entertaining. I don't know who half of these people are, but I laughed anyways. I was happy to see that most of my posts made it!

And goodness, Orlando isn't too terrible. I mean, it does it's job for those of us who are still in college/med school.



But yes, lets get back to business.

Is that splooge on Mandy M's face for real?

Yikes.

Oh, and who is this Will character? Kellin? Huh?

john said...

Heard Carnival wasn't looking so good last night. Wonder if it had anything to do with their big win?

Anonymous said...

I'm curious to know what bouncer that is at the social who wrote those comments. I know all the guys there and I didn't think any of them were nearly as funny as what I read. It was great.

Anonymous said...

p.s i'm also with that last comment about the social. they need to get rid of that no re-entry rule if they are going to be so pricey. you charge people $2.50 for a bottle of water when their intention is to be a designated driver or sober up and don't offer tap as an option. nice.

xxx said...

worst dj ever to come to orlando: johnny the fucking faggot. i swear to god, if anyone books this douche ANYWHERE in orlando, i'm going to deliberately throw a party at my house and personally spend hundreds of money on booze, because quite frankly my itunes playlist and my vodka crans would make that night more of a party than he would create.





also, wow. actually laughed out loud to the one where zach "furoche" (wtf?) fortune was awarded smelliest dude in orlando. im pissed i forgot to give my nomination. sorry dude, but seriously... put on some fucking deodorant. simple as that.

Anonymous said...

Orlando hates Joe Lieberman!!!!!!

Also, you could add the "naughty librarian" McCain picked for his v.p. candidate

VPILF possibly....

FUROCHE said...

haha, funny thing is i do wear deodorant, but unlike everyone who just rides a bike to the bar thats my only option, so i end up biking with heavy loads of shit in my bag to and from work,and anywhere else i go. who would of thought that you get sweaty riding a bike? i accept the award with full gratitude. ride hard everyone!

Anonymous said...

"I hold a masters degree from Yale and have recently obtained my PhD in Comparative Douchebaggery from Oxford University. I wear a velvet coat and smoke a pipe. I have many important leatherbound books and my study smells of rich mahogany. I have two prizewinning Afghan Dogs at my feet. One is named "Chaucer" and the other "Thoreau". I am better than you. I bid you adieu!"


I literally just pissed myself

Red Herring said...

Kevin Maistros: Worst Scam Artist

discuss...and make more fun of Johnny the Aids

xxx said...

google "kevin maistros scam".







next defame post? i think, yes.

Shelly said...

I'm still just really upset that my fake mustaches, pedophile glasses, and constant hand wringing with a far off stare failed to convince anyone of my creepiness. Just sayin. I guess I need to try harder.

defameorlando said...

It's too bad Shelly. Had it worked you probably would have won 1st place. Your comment made me laugh out loud by the way...

Anonymous said...

i think smelly men are sexy zack.

Anonymous said...

maria,

the splooge on mandy's face is in deed true one of a kind matty j splooge.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but the worst "DJ" by far is antisocial (Jason) from Matador, who is now apparently swilling jager at the lodge in exchange for his crappy playlist.

keri said...

best hair and worst dressed definitely went to the right person. the girl who dresses like i did when i was 7. i haven't seen those plastic charm necklaces from the 80's since i was a kid and I know that's what she has around her neck.

also pick up a real fashion magazine. in it are all the clothes that are actually hip and fashionable, you just can't afford them and its just easier for you to slap on bad thrift store 80's shit and call it "fashion". In my opinion anyone can do that. we just don't want to. There is a big fat line between hip and tacky.

cosby sweaters also, i believe are named coogi sweaters and are NOT hard to find. do not get hard to find mixed up with not wanting or not looking. there is a coogi sweater website where you can buy these sweaters online till your fingers bleed.

Shelly said...

hey defame you know I aim to please... that is unless you don't tip. Then i will have bubba take you outside and beat your soul out of you. ;) Cheers love!

JennyK said...

the "fixed gear trend" you all are talking about is probably the most positive and most benefitial of all time. Less people in cars, less people buying fuel, less oil drilled, less fat people, less problems. Maybe you all should do some research on what you're bashing because riding a fixed gear bike is a really enjoyable experience that takes a lot of discipline and guts. And ya, if people have this hobby in common, they're going to hang out together and get labeled. sad. instead of being jealous of bad asses, why dont you all just get on a mother fucking bicycle already. and stop driving home drunk as fuck and hitting us on your way home from the bar! See you on the streets.

XOXO

Anonymous said...

doesn't fixed gear mean no breaks? i'm right aren't i? because thats really freaking smart and safe. to purposely make your bike unable to stop if a car comes around the corner and you are coasting through an intersection at night.

fixed gear equals moron. and someone who cant afford a car because the only job you have is barback at a dive bar.

illfuckyourgirl said...

If riding a fixed gear is so amazing and can keep you in such great shape, then why are there still fatties on bikes?

I am just asking.

And, they should also learn how to share the road with cars when they are drunk. Stop pulling out infront of my car. I'm so tempted to hit you. Always.

Anonymous said...

exqueeze me?! crap e. commentz?

fixed gear scofflaw said...

doesn't fixed gear mean no breaks? i'm right aren't i? because thats really freaking smart and safe. to purposely make your bike unable to stop if a car comes around the corner and you are coasting through an intersection at night.

you douche! first of all, you don't coast on a fixed gear...

Second, fixed gear does not necessarily equate to no brakes. Plenty of people rock a brake on their fixed gear bike. If your dumb ass actually used the internet for something other than porn, you would realize that all fixed gear refers to is the use of a fixed gear rear hub as opposed to using a freewheel hub. Next time run a google search and actually try to understand that you are trying to bash. It will save you much embarrassment in the long run...

Once again, please defame us! It will finally give the all the fat ass alcoholics in shiny shirts and hoochy mini skirts who lurk downtown a reason to feel better about their sorry lot in life...

Anonymous said...

i'm not embarrassed. i really could care less. i'm 25 and own a car. 35 miles to the gallon. and don't tell me you ride a bike to save the environment. you do it, because you want to make this a pseudo Williamsburg, which it will never be. the only thing here worth riding your bike to are a few crappy bars and frankly i'd much rather show up there not stinking like most of you kids do.

defameorlando said...

Hey Thanks Guys

I'm so glad a week was spent voting and three hours of my day were taken over with tallying and creating a fucking post to show you the results... so that you all could come here and talk non stop about boring ass fixed gear bicycles.

furochewarrior said...

dear anyone who is bashing bicycles. if you were ever to say that to my face i would hit you in the fucking teeth with my u-lock and see what pride you still have left. some of you need to think with your head, not your ego

joshuacallism said...

to the person that complains about my drinks, let me know who you are so i can serve you water, dumbass.

unfortunately no one named Jason from backbooth as one of the worst bartenders in orlando. backbooth couldve had a clean sweep!

for being the worst bartenders in orlando, we sure serve drinks super fast.

go get your simple syrup sugar drink at some sunday brunch dumbdumb.

defameorlando said...

***I should have put a disclaimer on this post. Let me remind you all that every comment and winner mentioned was by no means made or backed up by me, nor do they have the Defame official stamp of approval. You can thank your peers for this one kids.***

pat the sexless human said...

one day we will all see the point.

this blog is such a set up for you all to eat each other alive. a mockery and proof of how important we think we are in orlando. or anywhere. the people who are the worst are the people who come on and laugh about orlando having anything to be written about. why is your city any more worthy? just because you live in l.a or ny, doesn't mean you're any better, bigger, cooler, than anyone else. the people in major cities are usually other smaller city transplants anyway... making us all the same in the long run.

what you are reading was created to take everyone down a notch. it can be applied ANYWHERE to see how stupid or self important we come off. i hope it works on the bunch of you who need it. what i like about defamed is they usually pick the right people for this, unlike the readers poll results and commenters who just like to personally attack everyone and anyone they ever were jealous of or had beef with.

p.s everyone poops and farts. EVERYONE. even girls.

Muslim/Social Bouncer said...

To anonymous who wants to inquire about my identity...

Just come to a packed Social show and wait outside for the guy who is giving the biggest smartass remarks to the jackasses that ask if they can go say hi to their friends that are "two feet away"

I swear this job bumps my self-esteem so much, because Im 100% failure aside from my nightlife in Orlando...its good to know that I can belittle people who have rocks for brains.


And to Anonymous below anonymous...
please put yourself in my shoes. If I let someone go, 30 more people are going to ask. We usually switch door guys band-to-band...how do you expect a guy who came out to know the 30 people that left to go say hi to their bffs or to stuff their face with a greasedog by Ibar? Keep in mind that Im going by the current rules, not by the wishing wells that our patron's toss their empty hopes into thinking we're going to stop doing no-rentry.
And usually, if people are polite to us (most of us, anyway), we have no problem letting one person in your group of 9 go and get something to eat or haul ass to whatever bathroom stall your line is waiting for you at. It really is a different story once you see it from our tired, tired eyes. Take my word for it. The idiocy of the heads in our club wafts into Sky 60 sometimes. Ive gotten complaints.

And don't even come at us about the drink prices. We know. We hardly get cut any more slack than you do. I rarely drink at that motherfucker. But I will say that we do not charge for tap. I don't even know where you got that from. The only time we do charge for tap is if its a sold out show with 15 year old teenie boppers who aren't giving the bartenders any money whatsoever. If you want the truth, the bartenders probably just don't like you.


ps. being downtown and hearing people say how they automatically knew it was me posting about the social because of how bitter I am was a triumphant moment in my excuse for a productive life.

Anonymous said...

defamed: kevin maistros?

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=26412367&blogID=430238985

Anonymous said...

been here leaving again..

get over yourself. i lived in orlando for 5 years, and am currently living in the largest city in the northeast. i love orlando. there i said it. i met great people there, had a great time, and wouldn't take back living there in a million years. it's part of who i am.
do all of us a favor and shove your 2 degrees up your ass sideways you self righteous piece of shit.
the only thing podunk about that town is assholes like YOU.

Josh Spickler said...

I don't understand how fixed gear bikes are "helping the environment" more than any other type of bike.

Anonymous said...

I used to race bikes, and as a avid bike rider, I think fixed gear bikes are for dumb hippie/seudo scenster kids. It's not about saving the environment, it's about having a dumb fad bike, and dressing out of thirft stores, wearing the worst stuff you can find. How many times have I been downtown, and seen your shit ass bikes infront of BBQ or I-Bar? Sounds more like you had a DUI, and they took your car away. Maybe I should start a fad, and make my car run on one gear, no brakes, and put together with parts I found in a dumpster, we'll see how far that goes.

fixed gear scofflaw said...

i'm not embarrassed. i really could care less. i'm 25 and own a car. 35 miles to the gallon.

Well pat yourself on the back douche bag. You have won the master of the incredibly obvious award for thinking you're some kind of billy bad ass for driving a car that gets 35 miles per gallon. Guess what my ride gets fuck face? you and the rest of the weak ass limousine liberals that frequent the downtown bars can sit around and circle jerk each other while you talk about what great gas mileage you get. Meanwhile. we'll continue to clown you for the weak fuckers you are...


and don't tell me you ride a bike to save the environment. you do it, because you want to make this a pseudo Williamsburg, which it will never be.

Better than the weak ass version of SoBe you and your ilk want to turn this town in to. Give me hipsters, cheap beer and elvis wannabes any day over wannabe high rollers in Geo metros that get 35 miles to the gallon...



the only thing here worth riding your bike to are a few crappy bars and frankly i'd much rather show up there not stinking like most of you kids do.

Chump, no matter how nice you smell your like the NFL on strike; NO GAME! You couldn't get laid no matter how much axe you bathe in!



I used to race bikes, and as a avid bike rider, I think fixed gear bikes are for dumb hippie/seudo scenster kids. It's not about saving the environment, it's about having a dumb fad bike, and dressing out of thirft stores, wearing the worst stuff you can find.

And this impacts you from living your life how Lance Armstrong? Is it because you probably have little chicken legs and fixed gears are too much for you to handle? (see how easy generalized insults can be?) The fact that the kind of bike I ride bothers you so much lends deep insight in to your insecure personality...

I love how you trolls equate fixed gear peeps with being the center of everything wrong in this town. If you think your whining is not obvious, then you are even more transparent than your shallow night life adventures...

Keep fighting the good fight defamed!

wee said...

"Maybe I should start a fad, and make my car run on one gear, no brakes, and put together with parts I found in a dumpster, we'll see how far that goes."

lol.

Julius said...

Fixed gear kid calling a spandex kid Lance Armstrong? Awesome.

I want more pics of the peeps that won these awards so I can laugh at the people I don't know by just their name.

Also, why aren't any of the dude bros shit on? Or anything at the bars in Wall Street or Voyage or some shit. Too easy? Just curious.

ps - dbag with all the degrees, how does it feel to know that as smart as you are, and with all those bullshit references, you're just a dbag. And even losers like the readers of defamed laugh at you and even feel kind of bad for you.

defameorlando said...

"Also, why aren't any of the dude bros shit on? Or anything at the bars in Wall Street or Voyage or some shit. Too easy? Just curious."


too easy. too boring. too boring to look at. too nobody cares.

Anonymous said...

just wait till I bring the unicycle back.. ya'all hataz

Anonymous said...

johnny the boy NEEDS to get defamed.

duckbilledplatypus said...

Every time her name is mentioned I really wish I knew who the hell this Jen Whalen character is. I'm so out of the loop!

Yeago said...

been here, leaving soon...

First you say: I've lived in most of the largest cities in the US. That doesn't make me 'better' than you, it makes me smarter, more worldly, and more educated than you.

Then you say: I never once insinuated that I was any better than most of the people here.

...suure dood. if you want to be an ass-ripper you have to at least be consistent.

Anonymous said...

I think it's bullshit that Kristin Jones, Yardley, and Michael are hated on by so many people. Do any of you jealous assholes even know them? Have you ever even talked to them? All three of them are extremely nice, funny, and talented people. Personally, I think they have the best style out of anyone in Orlando. And not just because of the way they dress, but because they don't give a fuck what any of you losers think about them. In life it seems to be a rule that the people who trail blaze are usually the ones who are judged and hated on the most. And Kristin is the best hair stylist in Orlando, at the best hair salon in Orlando. Anyone who says differently is probably just a broke scumbag who can't afford to get a good haircut.

Will said...

that guy Will!

Weird...it's hard for me to count how many times low self-esteem idiots have grabbed me by the throat but still, I thank you for shedding a little light on this shitty downtown no beat lifestyle town I call Borlando!

rion said...

defame orlando comments section = the lord of the flies.

beath death said...

Haha, peacockrom was defamed .. nice..I agree, the only way to get a drink special there is to be fucking one the scarecrow,over 50 i guess bitch, the zombie amazon girl,the FAT,cellulite blonde bitch who trys to act nice, the "little"tiny time rocker,or joe.. The so called "straight" guy there who will suck dick in the back room just to get a hit.. ANd last but not least.. the asian wanna-B la hair band drummer/gang member (lol) who really does nothing but stand there in the corner while hes "working"trying to pick up chicks to fuck, the music sucks a dick, and the most of the art there is shit, at least recently it has been.. last week i walked in and turned right around just because of the lame choice of music..Oh, bar flies,bar flies, bar flies..not to mention all the skinny jean punks.

u3475-384y hw said...

Yeago.
Let it die... You are just as much of an elitist asswipe as the rest of these kids AND YOU ARE FUCKING WEIRD!

in the words of Ghandi... (sorta) said...

you must be the change you wish to see in orlando.

hahah.
but really.
think about it.

-if you think this city is too hateful, stop hating.
-if you think this city can't dress nicely, dress nicely yourself.
-if you think this city and it's people are dirty, why don't you stop littering and peeing in public and take a bath?
-if you think people here are unfriendly, be friendly to others anyway.
-if you think people here are ignorant and uneducated or unintelligent, become more informed, educated, and intelligent.
but remember, those who truly are smarter should keep in mind that it's more harmful than helpful to belittle others for being less intelligent.
don't horde knowledge.

...you get my point.

Red Herring said...

To catch anyone up who needs to be caught up on Jen Whalen...here's a link.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=95729800

What comes out of her mouth isn't any better than what goes it in evidently.

dlux said...

FUCK YO BIKE NIGGA

JennyK said...

STD accusations are such cheap shots. i dont even know you, i dont even care. im over it. later, boring bloggers.

Anonymous said...

There is no need for fixed gears in this town. Or anywhere for that matter. And for future discussion can you please call them by their proper name. They are "Track Bikes". Nothing more. I'm glad you're concerned about the environment. I'm not glad you choose to ride a bike you can't stop in an emergency. You know, when it's 4 in the morning and you've been drinking beer under the bridge and now you riding home. Blowing through stop sings and red lights but some how it's now my fault that I hit you with my car. Track Bikes on public streets = dumb ass in a coma. Ride responsibly or start walking. But even then I'm sure you'll find a way to throw yourself into traffic.

P.S. This isn't directed at all people who enjoy riding Track bikes. Just the assholes who seem to have a "holier than thou" attitude complemented by "entitlement" issues. You're no better than anyone else and the world doesn't owe you shit.

P.S.S. My apologies to DeFame. I know this comment has nothing to do with you're awards thing here. Please forgive my interruption.

Anonymous said...

Seth, Stop defending Kristin, Michael and Yardley on here... Every one feels the same about you too.

And if the 3 of them weren't such uppity assholes I am sure people would talk to them and think they were "cool" instead of a bunch of Bar BQ Bar eyesores that give every one the stink eye.

Anonymous said...

JennyK, If you REALLY don't care then why do you feel the need to defend yourself?

You are too pretty to be running around like a ho and constantly being ridiculed for you crassy behavior.

J Fla said...

For the people who hate Orlando, be serious. If you leave this town, you'll either be swallowed alive, or die of boredom. We don't have it as bad as we could have it, so stop bitching.

For the people who bitch about how people dress, it's called individuality. Get some. We make fun of ghetto kids... redneck kids make fun of us, why do we have to hate on each other sooo bad. There are way better things to laugh at. Obviously there are some easy targets but if you look around downtown there are way worse dressed people, they just dress so terrible that we don't bother to learn their names. And honestly a lot of the time it is jealousy. I'd much rather stand out in a crowd by being dressed absolutely ridiculous then be dressed terrible and boring and no one notices.

To the all the sluts, guess what, every where there are sluts. Orlando just has a huge mouth about it. We're a small big city. And this "scene" is too small for anyone to actually get away from it. And small towns.. bigger sluts...smaller mouths. What the fuck do you think they do with their time? Twiddle their thumbs? I think not.

We make drama, we can't blame it on the city. We are a product of our environment. If we hated these bars sooo much, we wouldn't go. Yet I bet you that over half of you have gone to at least 3 of the bars mentioned on more than one occasion. If you don't like it..stop going. Maybe we don't want you in there anyway. Maybe it sucks because YOU make it suck. Take responsibility for what you do. Oh wait, Orlando doesn't know responsibility according to some people.

And guess what. 70% of these people you ONLY see downtown. Downtown usually means drinking. Drinking leads to dancing. Dancing and drinking usually leads to sexual acts. And sexual acts usually leads to gossip, stds, and babies(most of which you scenesters tend to neglect to think about.) But all of that doesn't make them like that in "real life." Grow up. Consenting adults are allowed to have sex, just be safe about it. Most of these people are probably great individuals in their own worlds. Minus the few obvious people who will become alcoholic bums(the ones that aren't already them or are in the process of becoming one.)

And lastly, all the biker kids, way to go. You're not drunk driving and you're not wasting gas, but stop thinking you're better than everyone because of it. Not all of us pay extra to live close to downtown so we CAN ride our bike to get drunk. Some of us NEED to have cars to have real jobs instead of of trying to pedicab to make a living or being a door guy at a shitty club. Where is that really gonna get you in life. And if you don't wanna get hit by cars, then don't ride your bikes in the middle of the road. I'm pretty sure roads are predominantly made for cars. Just like English is predominantly spoken in the US. And it pisses me off just as much when people don't speak english as when bikers think they own the road. MOVE OVER.

Ps. Defamed I think as a last post you should put YOUR top picks. Try to be less biased than these assholes.

Anonymous said...

"MOST LIKELY TO DO COKE WHILE SHE'S SPINNING THE SAME BULLSHIT MUSIC EVERY NIGHT.

DJ MISSFIT..AKA ANITA".

Not so quick.silver said...

Track Bikes=scene
Road Bikes=transportation

Sorry, its the truth ;)

SUV hit and run said...

critical move your ass...

what a joke.

"Traffic Safety Facts, 2005 Data show that Florida is the leader in "pedalcyclist" fatalities."

hahahaha, beep beep bike bitches

Yeago said...

@u3475-384y hw

elitist asswipe: no. fucking weird: yes.

@jen weylen haters: sad how someone who wasn't at this blog to begin with becomes the topic. and, yes, the STD route is super low-blow. Sure, the girl seems like she's striving to be a quirky-interesting wannabe-dirtball with (probably) a trust-fun, but keep it in bounds.

Waldo Faldo said...

I don't have a car, not by choice, but by the fact that I'm a broke-ass college student. I have a mountain bike. They're great. I get to ride in the grass! I have TWO brakes. Beat that!

If I had a car I'd never ride my bike. I'm totally willing to say that I care very little about the environment. The million+ "fixie" kids and super-liberals commenting on here are doing all the caring for me. This world's going to be here forever as long as somebody cares, but that guy isn't ever going to be me.

Anonymous said...

The person defending Kristin, Yardley, and Michael is NOT Seth. I am a good friend of all of them. And I defended them because YOU and the other people that needlessly hate on them OBVIOUSLY have never talked to any of them. Ever heard of projection? It's a psychological term that refers to when people hate themselves, they then project that hatred onto others. Maybe you are so threatened by the way people choose to express themselves freely because you are too chickenshit to express yourself freely. And you know what? I feel sorry for you, whoever you are. I used to see Kristin around town before I ever knew her or talked to her, and she NEVER gave anyone the "stink eye". She's approachable, funny, and a good, down-to-earth person who would do anything for her friends or anyone for that matter. Obviously, you've watched her from afar and are jealous of her. Or maybe you secretly like her. Either way, why don't you grow up a little, put your bullshit, childish preconceived misconceptions aside and maybe talk to her or any of them? If you have enough of a backbone and the ability to swallow your judgemental and misplaced pride, you'll find that they are some of the nicest people that live in Orlando. And have you thought that maybe if you think they were giving you "stink eye", it's because you were sitting in the corner, giving it out first? The same rule applies to stink eye as applies to anything in life: you get back what you give out. So grow up, quit being shallow and judgemental towards people you've never even spoken to, put your bullshit childhood notions aside and try being nice. You might be amazed at how much more enjoyable your life becomes.

Snake Plissken said...

what the fuck is stink eye? is it contagious?

Anonymous said...

i have to agree with stinkeye, the whole comment. of course their friends are going to defend them and say they are nice. whose not nice to their own friends? but this group, goes right up there with other pretentious (for what reason I don't know) people who are only nice to you if you are "somebody" in their stink eyes.. examples would be bartenders, fellow hair dressers(but only at alchemy), anyone who works somewhere trendy (etoile, covert, stardust) you get my point. which is why people like this suck.

ok they are also probably nice to customers willing to pay over a hundred bucks to have someone badly shave the side of your head, hack the other side and carve a star into your scalp. but thats about it.

Thank God for Medical Advances said...

I really can't fucking believe this. I'd never heard of this site until my friend called me concerned about my sexual health....if it weren't for that "std low blow" I would have never been tested, and I would've never known about the filth growing inside my body now. Unlike Jon I'm disgusted with myself for sticking it to Jen. And she doesn't have a trust fund. She drives a piece of shit car and works in a movie theatre.
I think this site is just as scene as the girls I fuck but I'm glad it exists for obvious reasons.
By the way-for anyone else infected with the Hep..there's a new treatment available...doctors can remove almost every trace from your blood. It's pricey but apparently it's worth it. I'll let you know how it goes. Fuck.

Stinkeye said...

Its true... unless you have something to offer the "Kristin" types, you aren't a friend to them.

Frankly I don't give 2 shits about what they are up too. I don't "like" Kristin, Michael or Yardley, nor am I jealous of them. I suppose if I were a bartender at BBQ, or regularly got my hair cut at alchemy, or dressed myself like a color blind 13 year old, they would be my best friend too and whoever you are "Mr./Miss. anonymous" you would probably be on here defending me for being a fashion "trailblazer".

I am just going to leave it at that. Your comment made throw up a little in my mouth. You need to not lay it on so thick and get your tounge out of kristin's asshole... thats yardley's job.

defameorlando said...

Defame Brings Safe Sex Awareness To Orlando...

As much as I want to keep releasing comments that list the people in Orlando who were infected with STD's, I believe naming the person/people can get me or anyone in trouble on here. My advice for everyone in this city is to apply the "We're All Linked To Kevin Bacon" concept to previously mentioned person, and go get your possibly infected baby makers checked out. This is a small town, and you all fuck each other and each other's each other...a lot.


P.S In completely unrelated news, there's a new Ghostbusters movie coming out.

dlux said...

New Ghostbusters movie?

I know about the game but have not heard about the movie.

Red Herring said...

And a video game!

Octohawk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I love my Stratos said...

God damn I hate to be another person posting about bikes, but I just want to say.. some people ride fixed because they TRULY enjoy it over freewheel- not because it's trendy but because it's so much more fun than coasting around and clicking through gears, and you can do tricks that you can't do on freewheel bikes. If you haven't ridden one, there's not much I can say to convince you why it's easy to prefer one over the other. But not all of us immediately started coverting our bikes because it became the new thing to do. Speaking only for myself, it makes me embarrassed to see what hipsters have done to the bike scene, and I recently stopped going to critical mass because of the fashion show it has become. I don't like being lumped into the same category of "fixed gear hipster" just because I enjoy riding my bike. But because I do enjoy it as much as I do it would be ridiculous for me to stop riding just because it's gotten trendy and annoying.
But all that being said, there are better things to hate on that people riding bikes. Hate on the throngs of people who drive downtown, get drunk, and drive home. I'm not saying I'm "better" than people who don't ride bikes, but if I crash on the way home from the bar (and I definitely do) at least I'm only hurting myself.

Octohawk said...

This is a great blog for humor's sake.. So have a good laugh and let it go. But keep the highly personal jabs at a minimum. They just perpetuate a negative cycle that benefits no one, and in the end you make yourself look worse than the subject of your insults.
Orlando is what it is, just like any other place, and I'm guessing that at least 95% of us have chosen to be here. So if you can't find the good in it, enjoy it, and laugh at the rest.. then do as others have suggested and move. You'll find that most places are the same in a lot of ways and that this blog could exist anywhere.

Anonymous said...

I have a feeling its the same person (or at most 2 people) posting all that shit about Jen Whalen. Give it a break, seriously. If you dont like her tell her to her face, wanna make fun of her on defame? OK fine.. but I agree with defame. Some of these postings are above and beyond.

Anonymous said...

new movie also has dan a and bill murray. sweeeeeeet

Anonymous said...

Not anytime soon but yeah...

"Variety reports that Columbia Pictures is gearing up to bring another Ghostbusters film to the big screen, ideally featuring all four main characters from the 1984 blockbuster and its 1989 sequel—Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson.

Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky, both executive producers on The Office, have been tapped to pen the new installment—after which, Columbia will approach its would-be leading men."

did i just fall for defames distraction technique? foiled.

Dafe said...

can we still pick on Jen Whalen if we refer to her as Egon from now on?

Red Herring said...

Here's some Jen Whalen lyrics from the band, Jenny K Surround by Wolves.

Get your Rilo Kiley rip off bells ready. Questionable words are marked accordingly...this should work since everyone is still on the topic of bikes. This should bring those topics together!

Installment 1:

Bitch stole my Bianchi

I can’t believe someone would steal my bike
It meant more to me than a boyfriend
It gave more to me than a boyfriend
It’s like everything that has happened to me
This past week
First my song didn’t make it in the club (?)
Then your lungs (?) didn’t make it to my heart
Who are you?
Who are you?

not so funny said...

To "SUV hit and run" and others-

Maybe that statistic exists because Florida is home to some of the worst drivers in the continental US. I have 3 close friends who have been hit by cars. Two were hit by a drunk driver and were seriously injured. The other was hit by a cab driver who swerved onto an I-4 on ramp at the last second. The cyclists were not at fault in any of these cases, and only 1 of the 3 was on a fixed bike.
Orlando is pretty blase about bike safety. Notice the complete lack of bike lanes (and where there are bike lanes, they begin and end randomly around town).
Make fun of the "hipster bike scene" if you want, but when you talk about hitting them with your fucking cars it's really not funny.

Anonymous said...

red herring, please refer to her as Egon as stated above.

Rodger said...

anon...not true. Egon is being blasted by two different guys. My name is Rodger, and I'm friends with a guy who used to hook up with Egon frequently. I don't know Jon, but I comment on this site frequently under a handle. After seeing Jon's comment, I called my friend and told him he may want to go get checked out because for the past year he's been under the weather but always thought it was anemia. Apparently the symptoms are very similar. My friend had never even heard of this website.
and Defame-you can't get in trouble for posting STD accusations if they're true, which in this case they are. If they're not true it would still be very hard to get in trouble. The person accused would have to drop at least 10,000 on a lawyer on "deflamation of character" charges. I doubt you even have that much money so all in all the entire thing would be a waste on the part of the accused.

Anonymous said...

"not so funny"...I think it's hilarious when drunk hipsters get nailed by drunk drivers when they were riding in the street and there was a fucking sidewalk right next to them. who gives a fuck about a "bike lane"? Get on the fucking sidewalk where you belong. And stop making riding a bike a fashion statement. You all look like American Apparel advertisements.

Josh Spickler said...

Goddamnit. I fucking love this site.

Stratos lover - You're one of the few good ones then.

Anonymous said...

I think Josh Call and Amber are amazing! You fuckers!

matty j said...

bike lanes are for pussies.

and so are lights.

Anonymous said...

These jokes are way too serious for me. You people have a really messed up sense of humor.

For example, I did not think it was very funny when people talked to each other about their degrees, I felt like I was watching a golf tournament, I see what they're doing, but none of it is entertaining, plus I hate golf. If you're an adult who hasn't spent their life being worthless, I think you'd have at least some type of accomplishment to exaggerate one way or another. (ex: I ate so and so's ass before she was famous) However, your accomplishments did not make me laugh. That guy who won a pacman tournament in the 80s, then went on MTV to help kids who were addicted to videogames, that guy!!!! His accomplishments made me laugh.

A few more examples: Jen Whalen. I've heard her name and I do not find it amusing to talk about her STDs, unless you're her Dr, who xeroxed the lab tests and linked us to them. Maybe then it would be funny. Right? Wait, is that not hilarious? I can't stop laughing but I guess that's what's called, "crossing the line".

Also, all the comments about alchemy: People keep stating such obvious observations, then backing it with some personal attack, like, "That bitch look like she wear a whole lotta bright color, fuck that! color killed my momma, she ugly". Oh yeah? Let's discuss your feelings, I'll try to psychologically help you but your lack of intellect makes me want to hang myself. At a mall. (btw: I love black people)

Then fixed gears! and drunk drivers! 5th grade name calling was funny back in the day. These days, on a blog, I'm almost completely confused by it. Calling each other "drunken hipster trash" is really dumb when you're (or we're) both the same thing, just in different vehicles. Leave calling out dangerous drunk people to the dying straightedge movement. or MADD. Those gangs are almost scary, and hilarity ranks major in their passion for prohibition.

So, in an effort to relieve boredom, I've summed up what did NOT make me laugh but was overzealously commented about.

I do not read this for intellectual stimulation, or because I want to let you all know I fucked god, and in that climax I reached infinite knowledge and my child was born in the form of a winning lotto ticket that made me rich. I don't like to brag about these things because they're personal and god told me to keep it on the low, since you know, he's famous and shit.

So, in your epic journey through this comment I have learned one important thing about myself: I read this to try to belittle all of you as much as possible so that I can laugh for days, because I have a serious problem with hilarity.

Thank Defamed.

<3,
Frank

not so funny said...

if you think it's funny when people get hit by cars, you're just sick. but more than that, you're just mean.
1. read up on your lawns before you spout off like an ignorant jackass. bikes, by law, aren't supposed to be on the sidewalk. and statistically, it's more dangerous to ride on the sidewalk than on the street.
2. the people i was referring to (my friends who had been hit) weren't drunk. and like i already said, they WEREN'T in the wrong. in both cases, there were witnesses and the drivers ended up paying settlements for medical costs, etc.
i don't think you'd be laughing if you hit a biker with your car and seriously injured him/her. i think you just need an easy topic to poke fun at in bad taste. it's sad.

Anonymous said...

LOOK AT YOURSELVES!!

LOOK

AT

YOURSELVES!

LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO YOU. THEY HAVE MADE YOU TEAR EACH OTHER APART!! NOW WHO ARE THE REAL HORRIBLE PEOPLE?? THE ONES IN DEFAME POSTS? OR YOU. YOUUUUU!!

sorry. that was not serious. i felt a dramatic movie moment come on and i went with it. hate on evil young people!

Anonymous said...

Rodger-

Tell your friend that Hep C is usually only spread amongst IV drug users, so unless he is strung out on heroin it seems highly unlikely that he would actually have it. I'd still get tested though. Defame, sorry I didn't mean to make this a Doctor Drew Message Board

Anonymous said...

this bitch shoulda been on these awards for worst myspace celebrity wannabe:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=73224106

hahaha you have got to look at these. only 2 out of the million ridiculously retarded pictures she has.

http://i496.photobucket.com/albums/rr330/haaahaaa/hwk7xj.jpg

http://i496.photobucket.com/albums/rr330/haaahaaa/2qiuy2v.jpg

Josh Spickler said...

Fuck you, "Frank." Color did kill my mom.
You faggot.
Wait, am I allowed to say faggot?
Shit.

SUV hit and run said...

if you don't this is funny:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zwiO9ARXZs
or this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PF7uY9ydMYc
then you have bad taste.

ps: better wear a helmet

Anonymous said...

Dearest Joshua Spickler,

'To hell with purple people!'

<3,
Frank

P.S.
What I meant by that was, "fuck your mother".

adam s said...

@ anonymous person posting the myspace profile...

When did hipsters become anime cos-players?

play nice, kids said...

Defame, close the comments down already.. this shit has gotten silly.

It makes me want to say something like "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." but this seems more relevant: "if you don't have the balls to say these things to someone's face you probably shouldn't be saying them." fucking anonymous posts..

rome plows said...

Hate on track bikes if you will. All I know is that I enjoy my 12 mile commute to UCF (each way) more than I ever did in a car. I get to ride alongside a flowing river teeming with osprey, hawks, snapping turtles, and egrets. I get to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. Plus, given the shambles that is the parking situation at the college these days, it actually takes me less time to ride than it does to drive and then find a parking space.

But I'm obviously just doing it to impress indie bitches on Alafaya, right? I hear they really dig on guys in goofy looking helmets.

Not everyone on a bike is using it as an identity crutch, and some of us who show up to bar-b-q chose to ride 8 miles to get there rather than drive home while pushing the BAC limit.

Karen said...

I came on here to post a rant about how much this blog gets to me-unreasonably so. Then Frank's comment pissed me off and I lost my train of thought. I'll do my best.
Basically, I've never been big on "hipsters", those annoying emaciated self-righteous gas-bags who wear ironic T-shirts and complicated shoes. Now, if a hipster lives in New York or another big city, we can respect his/her quest for coolness and self-expression. It is quite another thing when one encounters a home-grown hipster-wanna-be who is just a pathetic shell of the real thing, aka the "Orlando Hipster". Yes, I'm going somewhere with this. Recently, I had the amazing opportunity to encounter a special breed of a hipster-an “I defend myself on defame hipster”.
What are some characteristic features of such a creature, you might ask? Well, to begin with, an IDMOD hipster lacks one of the most essential attributes of hipsterhood-thinness. An IDMOD hipster is well-fed and sports thick pasty thighs that he has managed to squeeze into unfortunately tight bright red shorts picked up, undoubtedly, as a local Salvation Army store (SDS?) To them, they are the much-sought “vintage clothes.” The typical Orlando hipster also tries hard; donning an ironic T-shirt from Urban Outfitters, fake (or real) Chuck Taylors, 6.99 sunglasses from Rite Aid, a non-iPod media player with a black headphone cord, and, of course, a Fidel hat. The whole presentation reeks of desperation and fakery. Yet, unfazed, our specimen of lameness was strutting proudly through Rosalind last night beaming with coolness. I could almost hear Jusitce blasting out of his black earbuds, right before he broke his PBR bottle over the hood of my gas guzzling, German made car screaming "defame this, cunt!". This is the third time something like this has happened. I don't know what more I can say to convince you swamp donkeys that I don't have anything to do with this website. I mean COME ON..If it were me, the first two people "defamed" would have been Jen Whalen, who doesn't have hepatitis, btw (it's really unfortunate that I even know that) and SDS. Furthermore, I don't fucking care enough, about any of the people mentioned on here, to do what defame is doing. The problem lies in the fact that I have over 5 grand worth of damage to not only my car, and frankly i'm too lazy and I hate cops too much to deal with filing reports, etc because I think it's fruitless.
To conclude, I think that hipsterism is my generation’s response to rampant consumerism and marketing. Whether you are reacting against it by riding a trendy bike in the middle of the fucking street, or being a part of it by throwing retarded parties like crush and carnival, you're still a part of it. Many kids my age want to be yuppies, but they don’t want to admit it because of the image of conspicuous consumption that comes along with the yuppie tag. So they embrace the hipster: self-deprecating yet truly self-possessed, shabby clothing but actually shabby-chic clothing, exuding being poor OR being rich, but really just being poor. The people highlighted in this blog don't have trust funds (something you EARN), goals that matter, or are good people, in my opinion. Listen, I know i'm rambling now, but please, please stop with the drinks throwing. I don't know which group of you it is that's doing it, but after someone has worked or gone to school all the day, the last thing they want is to leave one of their favorite bars and have to deal with that shit...SO JUST STOP.
I'm also vowing to never look at this website again.

Anonymous said...

I'm really sick of hearing this if you are in a big city its all ok bullshit.

Like mentioned above. Just about EVERYONE in a big city these days is from another smaller one.

So shut the fuck up about that shit.

It's ALL the same.

Anonymous said...

and also. why is it EVERY SINGLE BIKE RIDER. Yes BIKE RIDER on here, insinuated that anyone riding home from downtown is drunk. We ALWAYS either take a taxi, have a sober friend drive, or walk home.

Which also reminds me. When I lived in New York, Long Island to be exact where you need a car, EVERYONE took a taxi there and home from any party we had. It was almost like second nature to do so. Why are we all not splitting cab fees here every weekend? Taxi Cabs people. Not bikes from the bar. Not cars. Taxi.

Anonymous said...

407 422 2222

kaitlyn said...

i will say this in regards to the taxi comment.

orlando needs to allow you to leave your car overnight without either ticketing the shit out of it or towing it. if i knew my car would be ok and i wouldnt owe someone 100 bucks the next day id undoubtably grab a ride home from a friend and pick up my car in the morning.

so i'm blaming the city on this one. not my drinking.

igor said...

karen...marry me. now.

daryl and my other brother daryl said...

igor still comes on defame?

wait, don't you also contribute to all of this? with your club photos of strung out 17 year olds?

or maybe since its nyc its all ok right? even though half of the downtown orlando population moves to brooklyn within the year.

ps karen, that bored me. still whatever asshole it was that hits your car with his bottle or pours a drink over your head only proves to me that the right people are being talked shit about. nothing said about me on this site could ever phase me. because a. i'd only be on here if i was acting like a self important asswipe downtown or b. if someone who didnt know me or was jealous of me decided to talk shit. either way..eh...what ever.

Anonymous said...

"stink eye" is when you rub your drunken face onto the seat of a fixed gear that a neon-color, scarf-wearing, sweaty, self-conscious but well-meaning hipster yuppie dudebro slunt cunt psuedo-afro-centric STD-blister popping piece o' shite rubbed their bony ass wrapped in 711 burrito fat onto, and the transfer of their sad, white little geek kid cooties gives your eye Hepatitis C that ALSO causes you to get hit by drunk drivers commuting back and forth from Orlando to Brooklyn.

Anonymous said...

OMG KAREN!!! Did you fuck god too!?!
It's casual, we had an open relationship.
However, maybe if you didn't give it up so easy, people wouldn't throw their perfectly drinkable PBRs at your hitler-esque vehicle.

<3,
Frank

PS. you're boring.

Anonymous said...

karen people throwing drinks at you really has nothing to do with thinking you write this blog. its obvious you are not funny enough to do so.

its an easy way for us to blame you for being a bitch in general and a slut downtown.

swamp donkey said...

Whether you are reacting against it by riding a trendy bike in the middle of the fucking street, or being a part of it by throwing retarded parties like crush and carnival, or commenting about this blog claiming you're above "orlando hipsters" yet happen to be in the same vicinity as whatever creature you described and beer, you're still a part of it.

Anonymous said...

you can walk downtown with bottles of pbr in your hand? Neat.

gary busey said...

well. there is a difference between being a part of "it" voluntarily or involuntarily. involuntarily is applied to the people who hate it and have no choice but to be surrounded by it downtown, so they create or come to a blog to release their disdain towards such. only for you all to show up and annoy us again. can we not get away from you???

Anyway. Don't confuse the two.

swamp donkey said...

hey, i'm not confused. no one ever discussed involuntary or voluntary, but isn't that sort of the same as a reflex?
either way, you're still part of it
OR you can move to any one of your aforementioned, beloved, big gay cities where dressing like a douchebag is pardoned for some stupid fucking reason.

if you've ever been to one of your favorite, biggest cities, you may notice the abundance of teenage kids who dress like you and maybe even do it better on their parents payroll, but know nothing about music or passion.

also, how the fuck do you EARN a trust fund!?

red herring said...

KAREN; hahahaha. care? you? heh.

420 said...

WHOA. So basically, egon has stinkeye?

Josh Spickler said...

I don't understand how you can involuntarily be a part of it. If you didn't want to be a part of it, didn't want to be near it, didn't want any single thing to do with it, then you would do just that.


Any word on how to earn a trust fund yet? I'd like to get started on that.

Anonymous said...

Get the fuck over it all please! go out there and make this a better country before we fade into obscurity due to our own narcissism, laziness and ill informed opinions on what really matters. JEZUS!!!!

josh said...

i can understand it Spickler. involuntarily might be these examples...

you hate crush, but your girlfriend takes pictures there. she wants you to go to keep her company. even though you hate it, you go to appease her.you have now become involuntarily a part of the hideous crush scene.

you like a certain bar but adrian shows up at it randomly one night and just happens to know you're name because you were polite to him one night and approaches you. you have now involuntarily been linked to adrian.

you attend certain bars that host bad nights every week, because you like and have known the bartenders for seven years and you get free drinks. you hate everyone else around you. you have now been involuntarily connected to these bad nights.

yo while yes you are a part of the scene, its a completely unvalid point, because you are the part that hates it and could do without it, who just wants to drink with one or two of his friends when he goes out.

y'm done. never try to connect me to this shit again karen.

asshole social bouncer said...

wow...this got real lame real fast. And to think that I thought I had irrelevant hate flowing through my veins.

leave it to the whimpering pussies to take the fun out of lighthearted stabbings at something as miniscule as bike riding.

defameorlando said...

Asshole Social Bouncer,

I hope we meet soon.

Josh Spickler said...

Josh, what I'm saying was that if I really didn't want to do it, I wouldn't. There's still a small part of volunteerism there.

I really couldn't care less though. I just want people to keep making fun of other people.

Someone just hook me up with a hedge fund. Fuck a trust fund. That's for small timers.

Anonymous said...

overly earnest passivism!?

I think, the important thing here regarding voluntary vs involuntary is indifference.
hate your life because you want to see your bartender friend, or your girlfriend wants your company, I won't. fuck that, I'll be getting wasted while you stew in something less definable than hatred.

people are idiots, self important ones. If I was miserable every night I went out, you know what I'd stop doing?

Elitist whining about it all just makes you same as everyone else. not some genius who's unlocked the secret to being righteous. but for conversation purposes; I still think you're smart, just not a genius.

lets sustain the lulz, since the growing animosity between anonymous comment posters is making me uncomfortable.

in addition: I feel like I just watched an afterschool special, and at the end, people got confused about the moral of the story.

stephanie said...

I was so close to winning an actual award! If Danielle gets a trophy i'll cry. I will. I am.
Already.
::sniff::

Anonymous said...

"self righteous gas bags with ironic t shirts" lol. karen seriously, stop caring...if you even really do. and everyone else, stop throwing shit.

jjjj no said...

i'm sorry about this but i really can't help it, karen. you post facebook updates about defame posts BEFORE they even go up and when people ask you if you write this blog you say you havent even heard of it yet you comment on it??? then you expect people to believe you dont write it? you are a liar and you hurt a lot of peoples feelings without realizing it. esp. people you date. you have too much going for you to be involved in something like this and i hope, for youre sake, that this is the one thing youre not lying about and that it isnt you because that would really suck.

Anonymous said...

can someone point out this "karen" chick? is she hot?

Anonymous said...

a beneficiary earns their fund by completing whatever trust was established by their parents/relatives/whoevers lawyers. hope that settles that. in more important news, kim jong il had a stroke...let's hope he dies.

Anonymous said...

and and also-i think that kristen girl is really pretty (judging from those pictures). who cares if she dresses weird? at least its unique.

Anonymous said...

you know what's most ironic about Karen whining about people throwing beer bottles at her? i personally know a hard-workin bartender at Ye Ol Shithole aka BarBQ bar that she threw a beer bottle at once. Karma's a bitch eh?

Red Herring said...

Thanks for turning this into a shitstorm of a bad coffee shop conversation between actions voluntary vs involuntary actions in the context of our local scene. Wittgenstein's zombie is not impressed and demands blood.

As for me, I'll have a whiskey and coke with two lemons, 10 sleeping pills, and a good punch to the brain from our asshole bouncer friend over at the social. He knows how to set me straight.

I think I just got Gumped. IQ's reduced exponentially; drool runs profusely. I need a mind laxative for Karen. I gotta slap a clone with a smelly fish.

This convo is saggin like Phil Michelson's man titties. Do you want that? Nah Shunn, you do not want that.

dani said...

she didn't throw the bottle AT him, jackass. she merely reached over the bar with it and dropped it on the floor after he told me he'd kick me out for doing something much less offensive (asking to pay cash after he rang my card). she was trying to prove a point, and she apologized the next day. that was over a year ago anyway. her and preston get along fine. she dragged me out to the first "pop off" just to support him and josh. also, i don't think that little rant was whiney. you should see her car. it's really fucked up.

David said...

Dani,

What kind of point was Karen trying to prove by dropping her bottle on the other side of the bar? Sounds like she really showed the bartender who's the badass.

And considering Karen IS involved in this just leads me to believe she is an attention loving basket case who wants to fuck Matt DeVlieger (Jen Whalen's ex) because Jen Whalen fucked her ex.

What a classy girl. I applaud her audacity.

You girls sound like the primary reason the bartenders of Orlando are such assholes... YOU ARE IDIOTS!

Anonymous said...

what the hell is on hugos chest?

Anonymous said...

myspace.com/freedrugsforhotgirls
very hot, very easy.

dani said...

karen wants to fuck matt. hahahahahaha. right. i'm assuming "david" is matt. i actually know it is because you're the only person in the world so self absorbed that you'd think she wants you, after the numerous times shes publically been a complete bitch to you. and you tried to fuck me the night she threw a hotdog at you, so shut the fuck up. like where in the world would you even get that from?

Anonymous said...

Aaaaaahahahahahaha. This is awesome. Matt De'fucker is commenting on here now, Karen and Jen have had sex, Preston got a bottle thrown at him???? Hahahaha. I fucking love this blog.

dani said...

sorry matt, your comment was so outrageous i didnt answer your question. the point she was making was that if youre going to kick someone out of a bar, do it for a legit reason. aint rocket science.

defameorlando said...

Thank you Karen.

For posting on here again.

I'm sorry this blog has caused so much unwanted attention for you. Especially when we have 200 commenters here throwing dirt with the rest of us. But for someone who didn't want to be involved in this, you sure know how to stir the shit and place your name AGAIN into a blog of people who oddly didn't seem to care for you long before Defame ever came out.

My advice next time someone cracks a bottle over your car? Don't just drive away. Get the fuck out of it and kick the shit out of him. And who are your friends that they all leave you for the birds when you are out?

I'm done releasing comments on this...AGAIN.

sara said...

"and and also-i think that kristen girl is really pretty (judging from those pictures). who cares if she dresses weird? at least its unique."

beauty is in the eye...and no one cares.... but in a worst dressed catagory its a pretty important detail.... and when did "unique" qualify as dressing well? the guys face from the movie mask was "unique".

feelgoodorlando said...

I love you all.

Dip said...

:::giant dirtball of dust settles from the 100+ defame commentees beating eachother up to see a love blog staring at them and talking::::

fuck your bunnies and puppies feelgoodorlando.

cory said...

oh david. you are so off. bartenders are never assholes to us. we're rich so we tip really well. even when we throw beer bottles over the bar.

The Hadron Supa-Dupa Collider said...

I will make antimatter out of all you self important assholes ...MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!Big effin Bang!

feelgoodorlando said...

I hope that one day I can give you a hug, Dip.

P.S. I like your name, it's super-cute and makes me think of ice cream.
<3

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