Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Dear Ladies of Snatch,

Please tell me how it feels to publicly dance with a penis in your ass.

I often wear heels out, but now I wonder if I switched to flip flops, would it be easier to get rammed in my butthole by a total stranger with creepface when on the dance floor?

Should I dry hump a 12 year old boy next to my best friend on the couch?

Or should we be more discreet in the bathroom...

How large should the hole in the front of my jeans be?

What time is the appropriate time to give head to an unidentifiable man in front of my friends...

And how hard is too hard when being degraded with hair pulling by a guy I've never met before?

I'm totally clueless on how to be a classless vag

when dealing with the opposite sex in a shopping center bar that looks like an old gutted Eckerds with "club" themed cardboard glued to the walls.

Any help will be greatly appreciated.


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The world needs a narrative

Ahh, Konrad, he who continues to go out on the town donning actual elf ears or indian head dresses as if it's just another Abenaki tribe afternoon in the park...

Sigh. Konrad is a really nice guy, but it makes me also wonder about him and his brother's childhood. If maybe they grew up in an orphanage and used to hide under the bed telling one another:

"When we grow up, we will leave here and we will be elves. It won't matter if people understand us, they're all crazy anyways"