Defame: Orlando

Aww, And I didn't even ask you to...

2009-07-14T15:32:00.015-04:00

1 st place last year and now 2nd place this year for Best Blog In Orlando in the 2009 Orlando Weekly Awards for my DEAD blog.

I appreciate your retarded voting and the fact that you just screwed more present and motivated writers out of placing this year. Well done, Orlando.

DEFUNCT: ORLANDO

2009-05-04T04:37:00.020-04:00

It's been fun,

Meghan

a.k.a www.myspace.com/Megameghan if you must be so nosey

a.k.a Defame Orlando.

Being noticed can be a burden. Jesus got himself crucified because he got himself noticed. So I disappear a lot.

-Bob Dylan

DEFAMED: SNATCH SATURDAYS

2009-04-22T01:23:00.000-04:00

Dear Ladies of Snatch,

Please tell me how it feels to publicly dance with a penis in your ass.

I often wear heels out, but now I wonder if I switched to flip flops, would it be easier to get rammed in my butthole by a total stranger with creepface when on the dance floor?

Should I dry hump a 12 year old boy next to my best friend on the couch?

Or should we be more discreet in the bathroom...

How large should the hole in the front of my jeans be?

What time is the appropriate time to give head to an unidentifiable man in front of my friends...

And how hard is too hard when being degraded with hair pulling by a guy I've never met before?

I'm totally clueless on how to be a classless vag

when dealing with the opposite sex in a shopping center bar that looks like an old gutted Eckerds with "club" themed cardboard glued to the walls.

Any help will be greatly appreciated.

-Defame

The world needs a narrative

2009-04-21T14:22:00.037-04:00

Ahh, Konrad, he who continues to go out on the town donning actual elf ears or indian head dresses as if it's just another Abenaki tribe afternoon in the park...

Sigh. Konrad is a really nice guy, but it makes me also wonder about him and his brother's childhood. If maybe they grew up in an orphanage and used to hide under the bed telling one another:

"When we grow up, we will leave here and we will be elves. It won't matter if people understand us, they're all crazy anyways"

DEFAMED: MAKE OUT SLUTS

2009-01-12T23:04:00.024-05:00

(Fancy Logo, Ladies)

Prize awarded to the person who can correctly count how many times the word slut was used in this post.

During the whole so and so is a slut incident on here...it got me thinking...are girls in Orlando really sluts? What criteria actually makes a girl a slut? In my eyes, if you are single, in your 20's, going to bars and sleeping with different people. That just makes you human. So how do you spot a real slut? Is it the girl who gang bangs a whole group of friends that hang together? The girlfriend who fuck's her boyfriend's best friend? Nahhh. The answer to all my questions...

A real slut wears the word proudly across her chest...

Picture Removed By Request Due To The Embarrassment Of More Lives

Make Out Sluts is an actual local Orlando business (on myspace) that appears to be run by three or four main girls. One that looks like a big bazonga'd wake boarding closet lesbian and a few others who look like they were talked into making out with closet lesbian for money.

They are for hire, to do work from typical empty headed college girl tasks at your events such as shot girl and beer tub bitch, to really taking your night to a place that clubs and house parties have never been before...

They will act like real life sluts!

Picture Removed By Request Due To The Embarrassment Of More Lives

Picture Removed By Request Due To The Embarrassment Of More Lives

Why would anyone want to hire girls for this? Well come on. We all know drunken college girls don't do that shit for free.

Heterosexual ladies, don't feel left out. Be on the look out for the newest party craze for hire, brought to you by the finest in fraternities...

Message from the Editor:

2009-01-09T19:01:00.013-05:00

Where did the post go? I'll say this much. When it comes to the comments you leave, I'm not fighting your battles. This person simply used their "Defame Disclaimer" rights. If everyone can keep in mind that their comments do fall back on me and my site and keep them more funny/witty and less slanderous, that would be wonderful. Be opinionated, but keep it smart. People read the comments to laugh more, so try to be entertaining. Lastly, make sure you word things appropriately:

"I THINK Sally is a whore"
"RUMOR HAS IT Sally has the herps"

Thank you for your cooperation.

DEFAMED: Justin James

2009-01-09T02:57:00.020-05:00

Like love, do you believe in hate at first site? I do...

Justin James...who are you?

And why do I hate you already...

Is it because you intrigue me? And by intrigue, I mean you look like a fag?

Is it because you're going to DJ this event?

with these guys..

Or is it because of my Top Ten Reasons of why I hate you without even knowing you:

1. I hate you.
2. I hate that you have a lip ring. Fuck, I hate anyone with a lip ring.
3. I hate the way your arms are folded in your pictures.
4. I hate that your tattoo's aren't colored in
5. I hate that you leave the stickers on your hat.
6. I hate that you walk into Urban Outfitters, buy everything in the store and wear it all at once.
7. I hate that you had the audacity to remix Elvis.
8. I hate that you have 3 or 4 video's of yourself DJ'ing on your page. No one wants to know what you look like while Dj'ing. Even Daft Punk doesn't want anyone to know what they look like while DJ'ing.
9. I hate that when The Pawnshop was demolished, you weren't standing inside of it.
10. I hate the way you look in the next picture or more importantly I hate that I can't figure out what the fuck you are DJ'ing inside of.

I hate you. I hate you so much.

Stop mocking me Justin James. This is serious. I really hate you.

Winter Break

2008-12-28T21:31:00.005-05:00

Will resume when you all head back to work and school. Or just school, since no one has a job anymore.

DEFAMED: Cori Yarckin

2008-12-12T14:47:00.029-05:00

Yikes.

Congrats guys. You have a song on a Hello Kitty Album and a song on the Hills. As men (and whatever that treasure troll thing in the middle is) you must be so proud of yourselves.

Seriously. What self respecting musician with a dick wants to play this god awful wee-wee rock?

Nevermind...

DEFAMED: Ricky Diamond

2008-11-09T22:44:00.011-05:00

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You all have no idea how long I have avoided writing about this dude. And it's not because he isn't perfect for the site, its because he has annoyed the piss out of me ever since the site started in regards to wanting to be defamed. He's sent countless messages, left a bajillion headshot comments that I've denied, and even threatened me recently...

"you make fun of all these people that you dont even know, isn't very nice is it. i'm sure you are absolutely hipsterific gross yourself. and that's why you won't disclose your identity. you are stupid. My music has plenty more potential than your loser website, (which by the way you only have 300 friends on myspace) and i will ruin you guys. but not out of spite, out of fun. so pretty soon, prepare to take that stupid bag with the question mark off of homer simpsons face. so you know what, uglies, don't defame me. don't do it. i don't want, or need your help. i'll just play show after show after show. and people will love it. and i will make fun of you guys at every show. and people will like me more than they hate you. and you will hate it. but pretend that you love it."

Shit, now everyone knows I'm Homer Simpson.

So two days after receiving that "scathing" letter, I receive this youtube from his off the rocker bipolar self . This is one of the few video's I will ever recommend listening to in it's entirety, because I admit, it's funny as shit. Mainly do to the fact that I truly CAN NOT for the life of me tell if it's a joke or not...

.........

PLEASE. Listen to his songs. Go to every single one of his shows. Get him famous and get him the fuck out of Orlando so he never contacts me again. And check out his myspace page. Unless you are just one of those people "who wants to smell his farts and eat his shit".

As far as you go Ricky, you creep me the fuck out and I feel like you're going to murder me. I don't know what the hell you're on, but please remember...

GROSS

2008-10-30T15:03:00.001-04:00

DEFAMED: Random Acts Of Retardation

2008-10-27T17:29:00.026-04:00

Well holy shit, there is something worse than Blood on The Dancefloor if that was even humanly possible. If anyone was wondering what your own murder would sound like, it's the next video. Trust me, you would rather witness Adrian fucking Rip Rockin' Richey in Docta Dawe's car bed, than see or hear what you are about to be subjected to.

I have so many questions!!! Did she say I fought the condom and I won? I fought the pill and I won? What does that mean? How do you win a fight against contraceptives? How do THESE two people= a win??? What? Why? Why do I feel like
Anita trying to figure out Lil' Wayne's Lollipop lyrics???

Let's just go over the video real quick. Voice completely changed to sound nothing like real voice. Failed attempt at originality. Repetitive. Talentless. Cliche. Annoying. Gross. Makes me hate mankind and shiver when thinking about the future of music...
Yep it's Electro. Job well done insanely creepy scary people.

So that's it. Random Acts of Retardation. A woman who goes by Kitty Litta and paints fake cheekbones onto her face. And Necro Poodle...

A man who has a mug capabable of making me so mad that I honestly want to kill these baby animals right now...

Yeah YOU, little panda.

More anyone? (minute 2:16 if you don't have a lot of time)

Ah HA! News Clip.

2008-10-21T14:32:00.018-04:00

Remember Him?

Season One- Defame: Orlando

Apparently even Maybe Baby Killer Casey Anthony likes to get in a good picture with the little leprechaun we have come to know as Fetus a.ka Jason a.ka metal midget. Do not doubt me and my google image searches.

This post isn't about someone from Orlando being in a picture with Casey Anthony. There are plenty of douchebag 's in pictures with her. It's what is tattooed on the knuckles touching her that makes the picture so ironic.

DEFAMED: Zack Furoche

2008-10-19T19:44:00.004-04:00

Defame's bachelor of the week...

Zack is your everyday average guy

Who enjoys hobbies such as arts and crafts and building

a "health freak" lifestyle

Quaint bike rides alone through the park

And just spending normal quite evenings at home with friends. Away from the party scene.

Zack is best known for sharing the natural pheromones his armpits produce when out and about or dwarfing Perry by standing next to him the entire night while he DJ's. To sample, please scratch and sniff the image below

and look no further ladies.

1-800-3454-23429 Bachelor # 76456

Poll

2008-10-17T13:10:00.004-04:00

Well this poll is pointless. I was hoping it would give me an idea of what direction I should take it. But currently its 24 for vile, 24 for light poking, and 53 for whichever way is fine. Making it a clear-you all don't give a shit just as long as its written- result.

GROSS

2008-10-15T11:39:00.021-04:00

I had to have a way of getting all of your horrible pics from photosites out there for everyone to see. Don't worry if you are naturally ugly or were born with masklike Rocky Dennis features...

that of which you could not prevent. I won't be calling them out. Defame's new GROSS will serve as intermissions in between posts and will focus more on things we could have prevented before heading out to party or while partying, had we not been so fucking wasted. And gross.

ACTUALLY

DEFAMED: Scott Graham

2008-10-12T09:00:00.004-04:00

SEEN AT GRITS N GRAVY!!! SEEN AT MIDNIGHT MASS!!!! SEEN FRIDAY NIGHTS AT IBAR!!!

N@TUR@L CLUB CUR3$ "THEY DON"T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT

Is your night slow? Drink Specials not enough to keep your club packed? Do you want your club to BE HEALTHY? LIVE HEALTHY?

Look no further, its the BEST kept secret SUCCESSFUL club owners have been keeping for YEARS. One Word: SCOTTPOD™

NO room for turntables? Can't afford REAL DJ's?

SCOTTPOD™!

But DEFAME? How DOES SCOTTPOD™ work?

Well Sally. SCOTTPOD™ has no other line of income and requires minimal salary to run. You simply plug it in, push play and SCOTTPOD™ DOES THE REST!!

Watch how SCOTTPOD™ almost INSTANTLY turns this EMPTY club...

into WOW!

Now THAT looks like a PARTY!

THAT"S THE SAME CLUB!!!

DISCLAIMER: SCOTTPOD™'s are not responsible for skipping tracks or repeating songs if he leaves to take a piss or get a beer in the middle of his set. Every SCOTTPOD™ comes complete with one preprogrammed dated set list. SCOTTPOD™'s DO NOT work on their own. You MUST be present to push play and stop.

2008-10-07T22:57:00.003-04:00

Why wait for Halloween?

DEFAMED: Brofest 2008

2008-09-15T09:10:00.015-04:00

It happened BBQ bar. You've been Defamed. However, I'm not taking digs at the bartenders who seem to hate waking up every afternoon, or the jukebox that hasn't been updated since 2001, because I'd gladly have a conversation with someone as bitter and sarcastic as I, while listening to a choice of songs as old as Ibar's dj's...examples in no particular order...

1. The Pixies- Gigantic
2. At the Drive In- One Armed Scissor
3. Built To Spill- Cortez the Killer (all 20 minutes)
4. Summerbirds In The Cellar- Behold The Wolf

all for the 1800th time, any night of the week.

No. I'm going to focus on the mistake you made years ago. Opening that fucking door between yourselves and Ispy, a.k.a The Portal To Hell...

Exaggerated picture? I think not. There is NO reason why these two groups of people should have ever been forced to mix together. Which leads me to the reason behind this post...

Also, the number one reason you should have avoided downtown and all it's brosky visitors like the plague this past weekend.

Thank you again, BBQ bar, for letting that entryway ruin one of the last places we all had to hide from this crowd. What was once a beloved sanctuary for passive aggressive buddy holly bespectacled indie rockers and sebadoh fans stuck in the late 90's has now become...every place else downtown.

I love you BBQ, I do. And I can do without the extra bathrooms. I'll even wait in line to urinate into a tiny room dirty enough to give me something I'll have to have a doctor scrape off my genitals by the end of the month. Just please...

Seal that fucking door.

Carnival's Final Plea. May it Rest in Peace.

2008-09-10T13:13:00.009-04:00

adrian

to me

show details Sep 3 (7 days ago)

Dear Defame,I wanted to thank you for successfully destroying Carnival, personally. Since you have so successfully made something I created with some friends out to be the most dirty, disgusting, horrible thing on the planet, maybe you can help me out once again and today help me announce that tonight is officially the LAST Carnival ever. I wanna go out with a bang tonight, and of course nothing can totally suck without your blessings, so is it possible to help me get some more free press. Just help me get the word out... (insert more blah blah blah)

defame orlando

to adrian

show details 11:09 PM (14 hours ago)

Sorry. I read this a week too late. My bad.

This doesn't help I'm guessing.

FINALLY

2008-09-03T08:50:00.012-04:00

THANK YOU ALL FOR VOTING!!

That's complete sarcasm. I am such an idiot for not realizing how fucking long this was going to take me to tally up and finish. Once I saw it hitting well over 100 votes my lazy ass wanted nothing to do with this contest anymore and honestly contemplated not giving you any of the results and just shutting the blog down.

But here I am. With the winners...losers. Whatever. And remember the following was all contributed by the readers. I by no means gave the official stamp of approval to anything below. Except maybe the places where Blood on the Dancefloor were mentioned...

Hit The Defammy’s Theme Music!!

That works.

Now for the results. Commentary provided by YOU, the readers.

WORST BAR FOR DRINK SPECIALS

1st Place THE SOCIAL by far

“The Social - If the non-local band you wanted to see had the good sense to stay away from Hard Rock and HOB, they probably ended up here. They don't rape you on drinks quite as badly as the other two, but please, don't insult my intelligence. $4.00 for a Newcastle is not a Drink Special.”

“The Social. They aren't "special" if they rape you in the ass for some PBR.”

2nd Place PEACOCK ROOM

“peacock does suck, how can you charge 6 plus for beers when your entire club is gross as fuck and you just dim the lights so people can't tell your shit sucks!! Seriously who wants to party with really old people any ways!! horrible place.... with no drink specials to be heard of... and shit half the time my beer is warm as fuck.”

“Peacock who could stand the music to even find out about the drink specials”

3rd Place BACKBOOTH

“Backbooth. Seriously. They say "free beer" but it's skunk as shit. Then again, beggars can't be choosers.”

"Backbooth by a long shot. Unless it's a keg of swill being given away to get people in the door to listen to shitty DJ's, there are NO drink specials. Ever. They win"

WORST EXCUSE FOR A LOCAL MUSIC ACT

1st Place BLOOD ON THE BIG FUCKING SURPRISE DANCEFLOOR

“Blood On The Dance Floor. I am going to mash down buttons so furiously I could be confused for a World of Warcraft gamer. I have not seen shit this bad since I pushed a porto-potty over with a drunk dad in it. I had the pleasure of working a cd release show for them this year. As a bouncer, the only thing I wanted to bounce was myself into the afterlife. Penis cakes. Penis cakes and balloons. 15 year old boys making out with each other like the meaning of life was hidden in their throats. Have you seen the cd cover? It is so outlandishly and overzealously gay that George Michael wouldn't suck Dahvie's dick at a Boy George concert, let alone a public bathroom. If my parents opened my car door and saw this peacock-haired moptop fuckup holding a stuffed heart saying "Lets Start A Riot!", they would take a belt to my back so fast I would call myself Toby. My ears are blowing steam and I look like I just swallowed a capfull of Dave's Insanity Sauce just reminiscing about this show. I must've been Attila The Hun in my past existence because God rained down sheets of piss on my life that dreaded evening. The only unlucky souls who can attest to my despair are the ones who have had to endure the misery and desolation of working a Blood On The Dance Floor show. I would gladly trade in a month's pay if I could somehow turn the sands of time and never been in the position I was in that abysmal day. Am I the only one that would trade Dahvie for Caylee Anthony? I think not. Blood On The Dance Floor. . .what a dumptruck of shit.

2nd Place CORI YARKIN AND HER ROCKSTAR KARAOKE BAND

3rd Place KILL TO WIN (Oh yes, they beat Kinetica)

“Kill to Win- i honestly have never even paid attention to them. just looking at them annoys me. and their night sucks”

Honorable Mentions

Kinetica

Gargamel

"Gargamel, for reminding us that juvenile 90's rap metal, bald tribal tattooed guys with Alice In Chains goatees, and shiny shirts are still all the rage in the 21st century."

In Passing

“In Passing- not that those assholes need anymore attention. They flirt with as many girls as they can at the bar to only to plug their shitty ass music.”

“In Passing. Other than the fact that I can't stand their music, there's a nice personal touch here. One of the guys with the wacky haircuts, stole my beer and claimed it was his for about an hour. In Passing steals your beer when you're not looking.”

“In Passing- Homo queers passing themselves off as Christian born again vaginas.”

WORST CLUB/BAR IN ORLANDO

1st Place MAKOS

“Makos, I went there once because I could drink for free and at one point during the night all of these alarms started going off and all of a sudden male members of the staff jumped up on what appeared to be a stage and ripped off their shirts (if they were wearing them) and did a choreographed dance and lip-synch routine to Limp Bizkit's "Rollin'". I now know what white people hell is.”

2nd Place TABU

“tabu = stabbings”

3rd Place tie LIQUID CELLAR AND POUNDERS/OCTAGON

No one had anything witty to say about either. I imagine that is because an explanation is definitely not necessary.

WORST WEEKLY DANCE NIGHT

There isn’t even a need for a second or third.

1st place went to CARNIVAL for the kill

“carnival - who the fuck do they think they are charging so damn much to get into a sweat filled cluster fuck of a bar to pay even more ridiculous prices for drinks and be bombarded by every night time photographer in orlando over what could only be described as the worst of the worst sounding hipster techno everrrrrrrrrrr.”

“I'll say Carnival, but only because I hate trendy homosexual party promoters. And just to be PC I hate heterosexual party promoters too.”

“They all suck, but I'd have to go with Carnival - I'm allergic to 18 year old bar sluts.”

“Carnival. I've only been there once. But that one time was enough for me.”

“CARNIVAL CARNIVAL CARNIVAL A MILLION TIMES OVER”

Eh what the hell.

2nd went to HANDS UP

“Hands up... I think that nights name alone answered the question. If you want to re live your middle school days, follow the little flying hands there and take the time warp back to hang out with kids in that age range.”

“Hands up recently got canceled or "moved" so I am going to go with Hands Up for not holding down their night.”

WORST WEEKLY CLUB PROMOTER

The best part about this win is that it went to someone (by a landslide) who I used as an example that isn’t even an actual promoter.

1st place HUGO

“Hugo isn't a club promoter..that's a joke. that dude is a straight up waste of time and space.”

“Hugo because the pressure of being a club kid causes nervous breakdowns for this young man.”

“Hugos a promoter? Let's pick that one. And when did asians start talking with valley girl accents?”

2nd Place MC RAD

“MC Rad, matt doesn't even show up to half of his own events, and yet they still pay him.”

“UGH!!!! All of them! I guess MC RAD”

“MC Rad-tarded”

3rd Place FRITZ

“Fritz because his myspace comments are annoying as fuck.”

Honorable Mention :

"Mike McRaney, for single handedly running the music scene in this town into the ground through threats and openly cheating acts out of their hard earned money."

WORST CLUB PHOTOGRAPHER

1st Place ERIK’S PHOTOBOOTH

“most unflattering pictures for girls. Period.”

“That Erik douche”

"erik the girlbeater"

“Eriks Photobooth x1000000”

"Erik's Photobooth. See also: Another Johnny-come-lately douche who bought a DSLR, made a myspace page, learned how to oversaturate everyone's faces in photoshop so they don't look all pasty and acne'd, and is now considered a "professional" photographer.

Fuck all that book learnin' and experience required of real photographers."

2nd Place THE GUESTLIST

“The Guestlist. These guys will stalk you and hunt you down until they slam one of their grubby little cards in your hand. Then they'll slither away to grab another photo. I once walked away with over 7 of their cards in a single evening. Constantly, I would say "No no, I've already gotten your card...it's perfectly fine...no...I don't need another." They remind me very much of a japanese beuracrat. Bow, exchange business cards, move on to the next, bow, exchange business cards. But at least the japanese have a beautiful sense of tradition with them...in fact, The Gueslist should hire japanese men to take peoples photos and hand out business cards. I would be more impressed by this.”

3rd Place J. CHRIS CALLAHAN and KCOLL DESIGNS for the tie

“J. Chris Callahan, because honestly, the last thing I've seen him photograph is himself; actually, it can't be him, because half the time he's giving his camera to some random drunk college kid to take a picture of him and some other fag-hag.”

“KColl. Why he thinks making people look sweaty, pale and diseased with AIDS is attractive... I dont know.”

Honorable Mention

“Brian Champion Photography”

WORST LOCAL DJ

1st place to SAM (and his mixtapes)

I can’t do an actual second or third for this, because really I don’t feel like counting them up. You all rattled off every single fucking dj in Orlando on here at LEAST three or four times each. Here’s the list in no particular order…

Rock n Roll Troll
Hall Call
Charlemange of Kill to Win (Jon Swan?)
Kittybat
""Anyone who's NOT Kittybat, Y-NOT, Secret Weapon, Adam S, Ge3on, etc. They all play the same garbage, and couldn't fit in a song that wasn't a 4/4 130-140bpm techno beat if their lives depended on it.""
Docta Dawe
Diddles
DJ Koolbreeze
Miss Fit
Deville
Adrian Hypnotic whatever
Lloyd at Metal Night
Pauly Crush
Perry
Young Buck
Mott
Kill to Win
Zach "Furoche" Fortune\
Justin James
Some Itune DJ at Matador
Bubba
"Scott from I-Bar, Midnight Ass, etc.
Besides the fact that he does NOTHING AT ALL that an iPod with a playlist couldn't accomplish, the host of the funk/soul extravaganza that is Grits N Gravy has never heard of The Meters, or a James Brown song besides "I Feel Good.""
Josh harder Sauce Cracker Jackson and Tyson

The rest of the votes were just basically people who wanted you all to either quit dj’ing or die.

WORST LOCAL BLOG

1st Place. I’m not naming the winner of this, because I vowed never to acknowledge its shitty existence or failure. You all voted it plenty, so I'm sure you know.

2nd Place ORANGE COUNTY CONCEPTS

“orange county concepts and that chick that promotes for them, sam. i have never met a more annoying/abrasive person in my life. if she takes another picture with an occ card in her flat chest, or making out with a girl, i think i'm going to blow my brains out onto the lawn.”

3rd GLITTER AND GOLD

“Glitter and Gold. Beyond overrated. The fact is that the site is only getting as much hype as it is because Pauly is fronting the ability to plaster half of their promo flyers with the logo and link to Anita's blog. I'd be interested if it were able to stand on it's own without the helping hand of Pauly Crush.”

“Glitter & Gold, boring content and all those new hot songs she posts are sometimes weeks old.”

"Glitter And Gold, which is now run by another soon-to-be "DJ" who's musical credentials include leafing through the American Apparel catalog, and listening to one of those Scion Mix comps once or twice."

WORST MYSPACE PROFILE

1st Place KINETICA

“God Kinetica. While reading their "about me," I wanted to shoot my face in. Their music? I wanted to hang myself. I think defame labeled them perfectly as the most conceited, self absorbed, borderline narcissistic dullards that ever walked the streets of downtown Orlando.”

2nd Place RIP ROCKIN RICHEY

“rockin richey, or that dude next to the fireplace..”

No time for third. Only
Honorable Mentions:

Kill to Win. Remember when japanese children had seizures watching pokemon? Kill to Wins myspace profile will give your children seizures. And they know it too.

"Kill To Win, for being banned in 48 countries for inducing seizures. "

http://www.myspace.com/defenzmechanizm

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=96495164

Blake Anger and Jamesson

WORST MYSPACE MODEL

1st place MANDY MURPHY

“Mandy "cum all over my face" Murphy”

"Miss Mandy Murphy. If only for that photo where she MS Painted numerous "media" accolades over her stomach. Can we have a "Most Self-Absorbed/delusional" category?"

2nd Place DOWNTOWN JEWLIE PURPLE

"jewlie. even though she moved. she still sucks"

3rd ALL OF THEM

WORST DRESSED MALE

1st place MICHAEL from Alchemy

2nd Place YARDLEY

“Yardley for the win , Michael, or Seth Beach. All dress fucking retarded”

“Yardley and Docta Dawe dress about the same. Both look like a rainbow sneezed on them in the morning and they decided not to wash it off. I'm going to go big on this and say SupaJeff at Backbooth. Time and time again do I think he only wears the same hat and the same "I learned from Lesbians" shirt. I know there's a group of them...but I believe he only owns these shirts. Superjeff or Elvis. I can't stand the Rockabilly look. And now, after the Yabba Dabba Doo comments...I think he's also dressing like Fred Flintstone. Oh! And maybe I can find him out there...but there's this gay black guy who dances in clubs by himself all the time and wears a skin tight Batman Beyond shirt and black leather pants. That guy!”

3rd Place DOCTA DAWE

Sorry Dawe, no one went into detail…

WORST DRESSED FEMALE

1st Place KRISTIN from Alchemy (sorry girl, you killed the competition)

“ahahahhahah KRISTEN”

“Kristin Elizabeth Jones (make sure you spell it right) and don't forget for all your vintage needs go to Alchemy or Etoile boutique....If You’re Nasty Vintage...stand up!”

“Hands down... Kristen!”

“Kristen from alchemy. No one wants to see that ass in gold tights”

"Kristen - how many pairs of those gold American Apparel leggings and jackets that look like they were stolen from the Disco Pirates Of The Caribean can you own?"

The rest of the votes were just randoms: Lindsay love and her ugly tube dresses, Falon, The Polka Dots, Some big girl in moo moo’s and leg warmer sock things…

WORST FASHION ACCESSORY/CLOTHING CHOICE

1st Place KANYE WEST SHUTTER SUNGLASSES

Other randoms included (cut and pasted from the votees):
Bandanas
scarves in florida. its fuckin 100 degrees.
glasses with only frames.. no glass
“baseball caps with gold stickers left on. My vote! Makes no sense.”
Those weird elastic headbands that girls wear around their foreheads like hippies
sidekicks and iphones.
90's dayglo clothing
stupid fucking t-shirts with wolves and mystical shit on them.
Anything 80's...They were over 2 decades ago
Dresses that show off your vagina.
Special colorway sneakers and the entire "culture" that surrounds them. What's cooler than paying $100 for a pair of ugly, sweatshop mass produced Nikes? Paying $400 for the same pair in neon yellow crocodile patent leather with plaid lining that they only made 3 billion of.
head to toe american apparel
Gay male best friend
Supras, new age moon boots for hipsters
Volcom, Hurley, and all other branded gear.
Crocs with the add ons.....
eighties sweaters
racoon stripe extensions a la dahvie
NEON SHIRTS WITH LARGE PRINT!
The keffiyeh. If I encounter one more person who thinks it's cool to wear and that it's just a "middle eastern scarf" I will knock their fucking teeth in.
FUCKING WEARING FLIPFLOPS OUT TO A BAR
Fixed Gear Bikes.
galvanized headbands/hats
Sweat bands!
feathers tied into braided hair
flat bill caps
the booze you're clutching like a life-line in a sea of people that hate you
"urban" wear on extreamly white people.
grandma clothes
Jen Waylen. I wouldn't even touch her with your dick.
?

WORST PERSON TO RUN INTO IN DOWNTOWN ORLANDO

1st place WILL

“WILL!!!!!!!!”

“Will!!! FOR SURE”

“SHWILL!”

“OMG fucking will!!!!!

“ANNOYING WILL. Time and time again, I've thought about getting my hands on riddelin and depositing it in his drink. Once, I held him by the throat and told him to quiet down. He wouldn't stop screaming and doing impersonations! The man is a living breathing tv set, but you can never stop the channels from changing. “

2nd Place KELLIN

“Kellin by far”
“Kellin. Definitely.”
“Yes. Kellin”
“Kellin for sure, jesus.”
“Kellin, just because he used to swordfight with his brother when they were in middle school.”

3rd Place THE POLKA DOTS

"The polkadots will get you and try to touch your willy."

WORST HAIR: MALE

1st Place DAHVEY FROM BOTDF

“Dahvey's "Do It Himself" extensions”
“Dahvey. If that's even actually hair...”
“Dahvey - though I still want proof it's male”
“Dahvie. Seriously? Just spell it Davie, or Davey.”

2nd KONRAD FROM KINETICA

“konrad by far. ive never seen anything like it.”
“holy shit, konrad and his elf friend”

3rd MICHAEL’ S NEW HITLER HAIR
“michaels hair for sure. who the fuck does that kid think he is?”
“HAHA, Michael's. I preferred the long do.”

WORST HAIR: FEMALE

1st place KRISTIN POODLEHEAD JONES (again for the kill)

“Kristen's hair is atrocious.”
“Kristin POODLEHEAD! Hands down I can’t believe that girl is an actual hairdresser”
“Kristin’s 52 year old fat trailer trash fresh out of the curlers mom hair”
“Alchemy's Kristen. For someone who works at a trendy hair salon she has trashy bleach blond hair.”

2nd Place HOLLY’S NEW HAIRCUT

“hollys shaved britney spears head”
“Holly and her new dike do”
“Holly’s no hair. Guess the extensions were too heavy for her head”

3rd Place FALON

“Fallon. It’s just a disgusting mess of dead fuzz stuck to her scalp.”
“Falon or anyone at Alchemy. I’d never pay dirty sluts with the worst hair in the city to touch me”

WORST FLAMEY FAGGIEST HOMO QUEER

1st Place ADRIANNNNNNNN

2nd Place Dahvey (who supposedly is not even gay)

3rd Place Hugo, J. Chris Callahan? Tyson? Roger from Matador?

You’re all such haters…

WORST LOCAL ACTIVIST GROUP

Surprise Surprise

1st Place SDS

“The SDS. Get over yourselves or move to Berkeley, I mean everyone is for democracy but pushing your self serving agenda on me isn't democratic, it's facist. You all are closer to communists than you realize, but once you join the real world or your parent's cut off the money flow you'll realize exactly how misguided your views are.”

“Students for a Democratic Society "Seriously guys, let's just stop all this fighting, get together at the House on Rouse and smoke a bowl together! C'mon everyone, peace, harmony, and illegal narcotics for all!"”

“Suckers for a Democratic Shitstorm”

“Matt Devliger”

2nd Place ANITA’S DEFENSE SQUAD

“Insert A team quote here from the comments section awhile ago. Anita Defense Squad.”

"All those people who defend Anita online, or: The Crush deejays through their continued promotion of the desecration of musical culture."

“anita is a moron”

3rd Place

“The Coalition of Nazi Abortionists in support of Makos......(it could happen)”

WORST LOCAL CELEBRITY

Ugh I really didn’t care or feel like counting this one.

It looked like the majority ruled on these two guys

1st Place MIKE BUSEY AND CHRIS KIRKPATRICK

WORST CLUB TO ENTER AS A FEMALE

1st Place TABU
2nd Place MAKOS
3rd Place ELEMENT

WORST FAILED CLUB NIGHT

1st Place VOYAGE’S PEANUT BUTTER FRIDAYS

2nd Place FIRESTONE’S BLACKOUT
"Blackout, for "triumphantly" trying to bring back the OLD Orlando electronic scene. Skinnys, Alpha Bar, and Thee Groto went out of business for a reason. It's not 1997 anymore, and no one wears JNCOs except for the 20 people in town that attended Blackout."

3rd Place BACKBOOTH’S RUNWAY

WORST MALE BARTENDER

1st Place MARK (old dude) AT SUITE B

“Mark at Suite B. You've already heard my rants on this man and his horrible ability to bartend...or not do drugs... He looks like Anthony Bourdains retarded brother. And I think he's only 30-35. Bourdain is 51 and looks better than Mark does.”

2nd Place ANYONE AT SUITE B

3rd Place goes to a few ties

BRAD AT BBQ/I SPY

“Brad at BBQ, moves so slow he actually gets younger when he works.”

“Slowest: Brad Register, sorry.”

HENRY AT BBQ BAR

“Can't think of one.....it used to be henry at bbq bar when he wouldn't serve me drinks ...I got grounded”

“Henry from BBQ. Weakest drinks ever.”

“henry - nice dude that sometimes gives me a free drink here and there but damn if he doesnt have the weakest pours ever”

SUPA JEFF FROM BACKBOOTH

Lot’s of votes. No legitimate reasons.

JOSH CALL BACKBOOTH

“Josh Call. "The Straight-Edge Bartender". He makes drinks WAY too strong because, hmm, I don't know, could it be because he's never actually consumed anything that he's making for his costumers?!”

Note from Defame: Don’t you EVER complain about a strong drink again.

WORST FEMALE BARTENDER

1st Place “That Bitch at BBQ bar”

A Bunch of you voted this way. No one seems to know her name. I find it interesting there were so many votes for bartenders at a place like BBQ. It's not exactly a hospitality driven friendly bar. Anything that could be said about the bartenders could easily be said about the patrons they are serving.

2nd Place SHELLY AT BACKBOOTH

“That bitch at the backbar at backbooth with the tats”
“That one girl at Back Booth that tries to act creepy but fails miserably.”
“Girl at backbooth with leopard tattoos, not AMBER”

3rd Place AMBER AT BACKBOOTH

And lastly…

ADD YOUR OWN DEFAMMY!

worst/best place to catch an std after getting fucked in the bathroom - bbq

i wanted to write something about a specific guy who thinks with his dick not with his head, but then i realized that classifies as most of orlando. so its not to specific but yah.

Worst Handle used to Comment on Defame: Anonymous.

Biggest reason to believe in misanthropy Worst fixed gear kid as well You kids have google...you look it up!

Keri Smith - Worst Fixed Gear Kid/Worst Pretend Crust Punk Who Lives Off Of Parent's Income/Worst Myspace Friend Whore/Worst Fake DJ

Worst Camera Whore: anyone in Orlando who becomes friends with the photographers just to get their picture snapped.

Worst person to be ran out of FL. -Delmar

Worst all of the above: Furoche.

Worst "Where are they now" Club Promoter Jen-do She was ALL OVER THE PLACE during the "reign" of Pauly Crush at SaturdayThursday. But shortly after the break between Firestone and the old crew, Jen seemingly disappeared. She showed up a few times more at CRUSH but after a while we never really saw her again. Could someone enlighten us on the girls where abouts before an Amber Allert needs to be issued. Because I mean, she was really what 17 when S/T was at it's peak? Nothing like fake ID's and low moral of club DJ's who hire minors.

worst inevitably-soon-to-die trend that went way overboard for no good reason- fixed gear bikes. fuck 'em!

This Place Sucks Award: Orlando

Worst Bathroom: Bar B Q bar's. Any of them.

Worst place to eat after getting shit housed at those lame clubs: PITAPIT, not because the food sucks because its generally pretty decent, but because the fucking line gets so ridiculous sometimes and drunks still have the club mentality and act like theyre still at wherever they came from (taboo? i dont know where those yuppies go) looking at you like you might be interested in their silk collared shirt and shiny wristwatch. at that point in the night fucking seems foreign in the sense that whenever i do get home and im fucking someone who might possibly be half as worthless, the silky shirt shiny watch pops in my brain and i vomit all over my one night stand who i thought id end up dating and be in love forever with but it turns out hes not into vomiting. yeah, bummer right?

Jen Whalen is a skanky skank

Thoughts, in no particular order: 1) Fuck Ricky at Dragon Room. The guy's a scumbag and has no idea what the hell he's doing. If he's not too busy trying to fuck his new promo girls/shot girls, he's busy trying to see how much of the local wakeboarders' cocks he can swallow. 2) Hipsters. You already covered this, but it needs reiterating. Fuck them. 3) When I worked downtown doing street-team shit, there was all sorts of hillarity. As I mentioned earlier, one of the highlights was watching that guy who used to be at Dragon Room... Jeff? Jack? Anyway, the guy was one of the two out front of the club, and on the regular, he's smack the shit out of someone, make someone feel like a complete asshole, or stand there and make a fratboy with a shitty fake ID look like the crap he is in front of his 16 year old roofie-victim who he was getting wasted with daddy's credit card. 4) What's Hot. They're lame. 5) Fuck the pedal-cabs. It's like Orlando's answer to bike messengers, except with more creepy old men.
Worst idea ever- Club nights. All of them. And Club Photographers.

Worst Downtown Pizza Place: Gino's. It is absolutely not acceptable to raise your prices just because the sun goes down. $5 for a slice of cheese pizza? Get fucking bent.

Evan ("estrange") wins the nomination for the most embarrassing person to be seen with in person and in photos.

Worst community idea gone bad: Critical Mass. Hey awesome, let's raise awareness about bike riders and bike safety in Orlando, let's all get together once a month and ride. That's cool, but then you get the scene kids into it, that have to kick cars, spit on cars, act like assholes because they're on a bike or make it a total fashion scene, fuck you.

worst local cam whore=renee worst local whore of orlando=amanda gibbons

"Antique Row" along North Orange by Lake Ivanhoe. How come everything is closed by sundown except White Wolf and Savoy? I've still never been in Rock n' Roll Heaven cause they are never open!

Worst Camskank Falon and Renee. Falon because she is the last person on earth I’d want to see naked.

Worst bar for underage Highschool drunken teen boppers: Library, Scoops, Liquid Cellar.

Biggest loser OR worst guy to date, Erik form Erik's photo booth

Worst place to meet girls? BBq Bar. I think the ratio of men to women there is 3:1.

I'm not creative enough, thats why I read you defame.

doug woods

Art Shows are a raping ground for site content.

Ugliest and Poorest and Greasiest and Most Likely to be a Pedophile and Pretend to Read Books to Look Cool and Steal WiFi From a Car Outside of Starbucks Because They Are Poor: WINNER: Paulie Crush

Worst local bar slut : Ashley (find her sitting at BBQ bar trying to fuck your boyfriend) FYI tacky!

Worst Music Critic: Bao Le-Huu. Every time there is a spark in the local music scene, Bao manages to whip out his Vietnamese fire house and douse things. He referred to my friends as "Absolutely Brainless" a few months ago, and gave us the "Artistically Anemic" tag last month. He needs to get past the "B" page in his thesaurus of insults. And fuck him.

Worst wait staff. Tatame. Stop checking my bottle every two minutes. Once every 15 to 20 minutes is all you need.

JEN WHALEN- she is a dirty skank KASEY- for being a fucking bitch/asshole bartender from hell

worst bathrooms-firestone worst for encouraging scenester clones-bbq worst live music-central station worst/best dive-lou's lounge worst at opening on time-will's pub worst at reporting all the truth, and nothing but the truth-orlando sentinel

Worst Pedi Cabber -- Patrick "the Straight Edged Black Cowboy"

Worst local cam whore - RENEE STAGE - ASHTON VON - NO GIRL NEXT DOOR

Worst Jukebox- BBQ bar. PLEASE GET SOME NEW CD’S IN THERE. AND PLEASE DON’T LET PRESTON OR TYSON HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT GOES IN.
worst blow job - kim (dr dawes ex)

worst place to take a piss in public: anywhere in point Orlando

Worst fixed gear kid... has to be the red haired on with glasses and the bianche hat. Get a life fan boy.

Worst non downtown clubnight , Blue Martini's monday

Smelliest Kid In Orlando = ZACK "FUROCHE" FORTUNE

The kid who rides that double-welded bike. One day he's going to bust his ass and I will laugh. Again Reneee is indeed a whore, ive seen it with my own eyes. Fuck you downtown hipsters for making orlando such a shitty wannabe LA.

Worst Pedi Cabber- Alex Is Life. You would think biking around he would have lost some weight, not gained it...

Worst Cam Whore- Falon

worst excuse for a local "mag" - connections

Worst thing to happen to Downtown is the bike crew

Finnhenrys railings outside are not bolted down. STOP LEANING ON THAT SHIT, YOU FUCKING DOLTS. Every night I see some stammering jackass or some punch drunk bitch fall flat on their dullard asses because they think that a 30 pound railing can contend with the weight of their fat gelatanous asses. Stop chugging that sex on the beach, honey, it is clearly making your judgement that of the crackheads that hump the concrete for pennies.

The Defame: Orlando commenters who have only lived here for 6 months and spout off about this town like they actually know anything.

Goodbye my little haters. That took forever and was the dumbest fucking idea I ever had and I realized this once all your votes started pouring in. I think this is a good note to take a long awaited vacation from this blog on. And by vacation I mean I'd like to quit this thing for a few months if you don't mind.

Post away.

<3 Defame: Orlando

2008-08-22T16:50:00.009-04:00

Why let me take all the shit for the hate that this blog promotes? Now you can blame your fellow friends and acquaintances . Time to counteract those Best of Orlando Weekly Awards.

VOTE NOW

DEFAMED: Backbooth. Beating Up Defame: Orlando Since 2008

2008-08-20T17:45:00.013-04:00

BOTDF released a new single. "SAVE THE RAVE". Get to the chorus. I dare you.

Fucking christ...

This time I made sure to do this post AFTER the show last night. If there even was one. I don't trust my readers anymore and feel that some of you after watching that video may actually enjoy this band and would have attended it. I'm pretty dissapointed that these guys really are getting gigs. There could only be one reason why Aaron over at Backbooth would ever open his doors to Blood on The Dancefloor.. He had to have promised his employees fresh meat and set this up as a trap. It's been over a week since Adrian was ejected and far too long since Konrad from Kinetica had been kicked in the head, they must have been getting restless over there. And yes his name is Konrad. This little Zelda character friend of theirs is named Michri.

Awe. So cute.

DEFAMED: The Polkadots

2008-08-18T04:40:00.019-04:00

Many many years ago on planet Ilyner there lived two blonde hobbits, I mean sisters, and a slutty looking cousin. The cousin has nothing to do with this story though because I believe she was expelled from said planet for fucking her own cousins boyfriend. Moving on...Raised on the many applications of eyeliner be it liquid form, roller or sharpened,

and to quote them, being "influenced by only the best, including The Beatles, The Beach Boys and The Aisler Set to name a few." (and we all know how comparative to The Beatles, The Aislers Set is) these little blond wonders were finally full grown to the ripe and tall height of four foot six and sent to invade planet earth with their "music".

They zoomed past London, ignored the East Village, flicked off L.A, and landed in Thriftko. Quickly they grabbed on to all the cliche 60's band attire they could find (which sadly just consisted of cheesy lingerie and knit hats) and started their takeover on the wonder that is Myspace. Feverishly the Polkadots added friend after friend after friend, hitting hundreds and then thousands! They even enlisted a 5th male(ish)polka dot at the time, Defame's own Jameeson Beane, and started to become stronger and more popular than ever! With their "band" now a common name in Orlando, they attacked Ibar when it started its Thursday indie night and later Firestone week after week after week, plastered kcolldesign pictures all over the web, underaged and illegally landed in bbq bar

and finally FINALLY...

They disappeared.

But why? Why did midgets with so much drive and potential, fade into the dark corners of Ibar? Why did a band with absolutely no songs or music...not gain any success? Ahh, the mysteries of our world.

Little is known about these girls we once called The Polkadots. All we have now are mere fragments and reminders of their existence. Replacements. Brown haired slutty dreary versions...

of what should have been the next youtube phenomenon. Had they shown ANY sign of intelligence or talent.

in conclusion...

DEFAMED: SDS

2008-08-14T02:20:00.020-04:00

Hello SDS.

Students For A Democratic Society. America's perfect little do good creatures.

Welcome to Defame.

push play and que nerd music while you read.

I was going to let you guys slide. You basically came out of the blue and insinuated that I was a bigot racist because I used the word "homo" and also because I pushed together Jeb's last name with the word Elvis to create "Elvistein". Holy evil, I'm Hitler. And you had no problem picking on me for using "homophobic" verbage, if you will, while you defended someone who had just been arrested for battery on another person. All of this annoyed me, but again, I really wasn't going to Defame you. Especially not this member of yours who would have been SO easy...

Oye.

But then one of you said this about defame readers...

Anonymous said...

sds is going to get it? how is that? what's there to hate about us? that we better the community while you sit around getting wasted?

All while I had these pictures waiting to go...

So SDS. When your OFFICERS get the liquor bottles out of eachothers asses and you are done smoking fatties, downing jack, and beating eachother up with blow up penis's... Then maybe... MAYBE you can come on here and pass judgment on me and anyone who comments on this blog. Until then you are just the same as the rest of us and it would probably be best if you just kept your higher than thou mouths closed.

DEFAMED: Adrian (Again)

2008-08-12T17:41:00.011-04:00

"Adrian Giannotta is at Crush!
20 hours ago"

bahahha.

Oh the many many National Enquirer Titles running through my head:

HOMOSEXUAL LOVE SPAT GOES AWRY!

King Adrians (alleged) Coke Fueled Frenzy of Abuse..EXPOSED!!!

GAY GAY BASHING IN NIGHTCLUB ENDS IN TORN CLOTHES AND BROKEN HEARTS!!

Sean says "I made Adrian do it. And the coke was mine."

Homosexual Hearts Ablaze in Violence!

Ahhhh Gaydrian. I really thought that I had finally lost interest in you. But you just prove time and time again that you are indeed one of the biggest reasons I keep this blog going. Attacking your gay lover at Crush? Amazing. Maybe it's the stress of your beloved Carnival night failing, the fact that you can't keep shitty resident dj's or the rumors its moving to... dun... dun... dun Antigua? Maybe it was all the blow you never shoot up your nostrils? Or that pathetic cry for attention that was ignored by everyone in the most boring myspace bulletin I had ever read about you and your ex's relationship. Regardless of the reason behind it...this...

this is interesting....

DEFAMED: Chill Sundays

2008-08-03T16:57:00.011-04:00

Just a quickie weekend Defame:

and

and

and um...

AND

???

::Blink:: Blink::Rub::Rub:: Could Chill Sundays actually be THEE weekly "party" in which we all coexist and love one another???

My little Orlandonians are finally coming together. I'm gonna cry.

(But why don't the artsy fellows get labels on their pictures?)

P.S PBR owes me $100 bucks for this ad.

DEFAMED: Jeb Weinstein

2008-07-31T15:18:00.010-04:00

What do you get when you cross a modern day door guy, Danzig, and Elvis?

Jebidanzig Elvistein ladies and gentlemen.

If you thought this was just your run of the mill door guy, you must not have had to avoid being sung to by him while attempting to enter bbq bar. Expect to be blocked each and every time by a giant foot and leg flung out in front of you and the worst Fred Flintstone meets Elvis impersonation you have ever heard.

If you're a dumb enough bitch to actually think that being hit on by a 40 year old blue suede douche is cool, because he is "like oh my god the door guy for a dive bar", then feel free to bring your pussy over to any one of his "numbered invitation only " parties and do this for the camera after hours.

Nice.

And if you are lucky enough to get one of these special party invites, don't forget to supply all the alcohol for his built in bar as requested. 6.55 an hour doesn't exactly get you a whole lot these days. Or just do like the creepy downtown troll Kellin did and steal a painting from his house. Oh Kellin, where IS your myspace page?

And is it a bit risky of me to defame someone who has this picture on their myspace?

Nah. It's worth it.

Door Elvis

Meet garage door Elvis

Sorry

2008-07-30T13:39:00.005-04:00

I've been slacking. I'll try harder, but I never said I wanted to write this thing for a living, nor did I ever say it was updated daily or even weekly for that matter. Plus, it's summertime and I've been increasing my alcohol intake and sleeping a lot more. Now go on and post your anonymous and gratuitous "this blog is boring now" comments on a website you check 20 times a day. I'll be at China Express having lunch. And you'll still be here when I get back.

Stop relying on me to entertain you daily. It's too much pressure for me and honestly I am entirely too lazy to do any such thing.

DEFAMED: Pop Off

2008-07-27T01:01:00.029-04:00

You've all requested it a lot, which I find funny because I don't believe it has even happened more than once yet. But haters will hate regardless and obviously some of you got yourselves used, abused and tossed to the side by Cracker Jackson and have been eager for the opportunity to bitch about him. Or maybe you'll be able to give him another chance since he did change his stage name to something a lot more respectable to the ladies. Welcome the new DJ duo...

Fishdicks and Hardersauce.

If anyone checked the night out, you loved it and it takes off, then awesome. The more popular it becomes... the more popular the dj's get... the more they cheat on their girlfriends... the more material I will have for my site in the future. It's a beautiful cycle. And who knows, maybe the night really will be more successful than the last gig a couple of them got pitched from. Or was that also Firestone's fault?

What do I have to say about it? It seems kinda...generic. Same uncreative and typical club night neon flyer.

Same typical shitty electro/indie/techno/hip hop whatever scene that’s already been beat like a dead fucking horse in this city. And everywhere else.

And a couple of nice guys that tend to a popular dive bar named after grilled meat

who were inserted into the local automatic DJ replica machine on Robinson

BEEP BEEP WURRR BEEP BEEP

and spit out looking like this...

........

Yes, I blurred out Tyson's blood fingers in an effort to save his life. No one would ever let him display their gang signs with that sweatshirt on.

I haven't been and I might actually have faith in what these guys will do as a whole. They seem to have a good sense of humor between the group of them. But Eh. Call it more original. Call them more talented DJ's. You've got Kittybat? Great. I don't fucking care anymore. It's getting to the point that I really only care about how strong the drinks are in these places. Screw the music and the people, just get me wasted enough to barf all over your shiny shoes and turntables and head home. And feel free to correct me if I am wrong, but I now firmly believe that ANYONE with the right equipment can DJ in this city. Has Brad from the Summerbirds started yet? Because I can really see that next. Or maybe The Ladies of Alchemy as some giant tacky 80's dj powersquad with Michael and Yardley spinning in the middle. Hopefully they will all be in Brooklyn before it happens.

DEFAMED: Scene Confusion

2008-07-18T00:04:00.006-04:00

If this is what we are all wearing now, call me butt fucking naked.

Hipster Scene...you know your scene is old when UCF is wearing your clothes. Time to find a new trend. Be proud of what you have accomplished (I think), because not even 3 months ago these very same popped collared preppies, at the time, were on this website making fun of your hair, music, girls and clothing. And now look...

Raver Scene...plan for parenthood and the families that your 35 year old selves are in need of now and never look back. 1998 you shined (I think) and now your glow sticks have been scooped up by students decked out in Hollister shirts...

Hip Hop Scene...I don't know if you guys know where you belong anymore. Kanye West has thoroughly confused all of you.

Punk...ahh fuck it. I give up.

Well Well Well

2008-07-15T23:26:00.010-04:00

Best Local Blog

1st Place: DEFAME: Orlando

Best Venomous Blog
(Voted personally by the Orlando Weekly)

DEFAME: Orlando

And while Orlando Weekly (which doesn't count in my eyes) took away 1st in Best Local Website, DEFAME: Orlando took 2nd beating out Docta Dawe's Orange County Concepts who took 3rd.

And now for my acceptance speech:

Thanks to all the Defamed for being a bunch of retarded assholes. Thank you to the readers who commented, for being even bigger assholes.

Without you my site would be nothing.

Without my site you all would be nothing.

It's a wonderful team effort.

-Defame

Defame Season 1 episode guide

2008-07-15T21:24:00.001-04:00

Now available in HD and Blu-Ray

DEFAMED: Rip Rockin' Richey 6/16/08
DEFAMED: Pounders/Octagon Bar 6/5/08
DEFAMED: Jamesson Beane 6/4/08
DEFAMED: Anti-Go Green Bar 5/28/08
DEFAMED: Liquid Cellar 5/24/08
DEFAMED: Mike Busey 5/20/08
DEFAMED: Blake Anger 5/18/08
DEFAMED: Blood On The Dance Floor 5/15/08
DEFAMED: Deltronic 5/15/08
DEFAMED: Kinetica 5/13/08
DEFAMED: Local (goodhearted) Webcam Skank 5/12/08
DEFAMED: Stardust Grandma Bazaar 5/11/08
DEFAMED: Snow Bunny 5/9/08
DEFAMED: Aaron Wright 5/8/08
DEFAMED: Downtown Jewelie Nobody 5/6/08
DEFAMED: Random Locals 5/2/08
DEFAMED: MC Rad 4/30/08
DEFAMED: Angry King Adrian 4/30/08
DEFAMED: Props 4/29/08
DEFAMED: E2G Photography 4/29/08
DEFAMED: Eriks Photobooth 4/29/08
DEFAMED: Pauly Crush's Nonsensical Club Attire 4/28/08
DEFAMED: Kanye West Shutter Glasses 4/24/08
DEFAMED : The Tropicals 4/23/08
DEFAMED: Ladder Climbers 4/21/08

Filler

2008-07-14T14:53:00.009-04:00

Per BoredAssBitch's request:

This guy is dead now, but his friends and family want his legacy to live on and have brought back his website. I urge you to listen to this as loud as you can at work. I promise you won't get in trouble.

I now present you with Tourette's Guy...

DEFAMED: Miss Mandy Murphy

2008-07-12T18:52:00.021-04:00

How to be a female myspace “model”

Have a friend list of no less than 5,000 friends. In the case of Miss Mandy, she has 22,000.

Be well below the standard height that real life fashion models are, that of which you could never be.

Plague your myspace with “professional” photos of yourself, you’ll know you have enough up there when your page refuses to load for anyone with a normal internet connection.

Build yourself a myspace fan site. Fan of what? Who the hell knows.

Build yourself a separate website that offers nothing interesting or entertaining. Just more pictures of yourself and probably a video blog where you will ruin anyone's sexual desire to be with you, by opening your mouth and telling us about your day.

Make sure your myspace page opens up with a giant picture of you and your full internet name (see top photo). Also, Create banners we can add, but never will, to our webpage. Like these...

Look 12 in your dad’s cowboy boots

Credit: headhunterstudio.com

And most importantly give us the illusion that you are someone better and bigger than the girl we saw jumping around at crush and firestone every so often. Dedicate a page and a site to yourself, even though you’ve never accomplished a damn thing in your life other than joining a friend for a photoshoot in your underwear. Create this flyer…

redit: headhunterstudio.com

or at least post it, proving to all, that you are loved and adored by everyone everywhere for god knows what. "The Entire Room Stares At Her" .........Really??? Seriously, what was written all over that flyer is fucking gross.

I can’t stand these photoshoot chicks . Now EVERYONE is a model and I thank myspace for this shit. I'm not denying that she's attractive. But do girls know how to just be attractive anymore without having to advertise the fuck out of it?

Thanks anonymous for the video. Here Mandy explains how she did NOT dole out an entire bands worth of blow jobs and surprisingly shows us an album cover vindictively made with a private photo of hers and her ex boyfriends...

Amazing.

"Hey guys, I just wanted to make this video to clear up a few things..."

A few things that none of us would have ever known about, had you not made that video dumbass.

DEFAMED: Nsync 4th of July Party

2008-07-11T14:18:00.019-04:00

It came to my attention that our dear Chris Kirkpatrick's coattail rider Fritz was looking for pictures from Chris's Dude Bro 4th of July bash. Now I wasn't going to post on it, because it was all rather yawn worthy and really there wasn't much to unveil, but I just found it so damn entertaining that no one had pictures from this... except guess whooooooo...

Meeeeeee.

Defameeeee.

I love it. Being the evil infiltrator to the scene that I am, I was either there or sent my henchman to this wonderful shindig of yours. And yours truly is nice enough to post all the pictures that you've been in search of. Please note that I have nothing witty to say, nor do I care much about posting this entry. I just couldn't let the pictures go to waste.

Hey is that Aaron Wright with the hat on and his back to us? Food was Mexican. And nothing says an American 4th of July BBQ like Mexican Food. Entertainment was provided by none other than the adidas sweatband clad cover band SWITCH and a vacant un-enthused chick in a bikini tapping an offbeat drum line.

I know Fritz. You're probably looking for the 50 bikini clad anorexic 18 year old's at the party with man faces. This guy comes very close and at the same time was sooo much more picture worthy.

And now for our shining little star of the party, Chris Kirkpatrick. If you thought that clothing in the pool was just for your fat little 12 year old brother, you were mistaken. Chris braved it all and took the plunge in a tank top and below the knee basketball shorts.

He also played with a watergun under the water by himself for 20 minutes.

And successfully ignored every female that was at the house. Uh oh. Look at that face in the corner. Nsync joined the pool party and someone's not getting enough attention.

And last but not least, Chris's toys from the good old days of the boy band life. Now if someone can give the guy some money for the gas that goes in them, you can all actually use that boat out in the lake next time.

Yawn.

DEFAMED: Quickie Randoms

2008-07-08T12:28:00.005-04:00

I don't know why, but something about a guy with glasses in a Hollister shirt at a 2 Live Crew show bothers me.

But not as much as seeing Docta Dawe in this t-shirt.

And if you didn't think there could be worse than Docta trying to pop someone's vajayjay...

You were very very wrong.

Although, THAT'S a 2 Live Crew Shot.

DEFAMED: Glitter and Gold

2008-07-08T02:31:00.007-04:00

I’ve been trying to hold off on doing this for so long. The photo of Miss Fit standing in front of a record in what I thought couldn’t be anything more than a photo shoot for an “Anti Vinyl” campaign almost did them in, but I took the high road (or should I say, The Road Less Traveled) and let her off the hook. I can no longer do so. And let it be known that this is not me defaming Anita so back off on the personal attacks, I’m sure she has lovely ankles. I’m defaming their site.

That Anita just happens to write for…

Why? Well recently, there was the insane amount of pressure they gave me to please them.

Defame orlando came back… Bad idea guys! You should have just went out on top. We'll see if season two will be a bust. But really, there isn't enough in Orlando to shit talk on. You've covered all the stops. Please prove me wrong though. I need something to read while I take a lunch break.”

Then there was her myspace blog:

“Why defame Orlando died”

Because the material was getting bad. The author was not in tune with the Orlando scene like everyone hoped for. They ran out of material, and wanted to go out on top. Good bye defame orlando, you'll be missed.”

Then there was me laughing at the irony of her calling MY material bad. I can’t even figure out what the hell you guys are blogging about half the time. In one entry there was a picture of this

And later, you were trying to sell me baby kittens.

Which are really fucking cute, but that's besides the point.. Unless this kitten hails from Chicago and DJ's , I'm confused as to why he is on the blog. What really did you in was the following excerpt from Glitter and Gold. This is a personal favorite of mine, so listen closely as Miss Fit tries to humorously explain something we have all been bending our brains to figure out...

Lil Wayne's “LOLLIPOP” lyrics

Miss Fit: I will give out free kisses to the first person who can tell me what “I let her lick the wrapper” means. Here are my guesses.

Well with that said, I already quit the game, but go on Anita…

#1. I let her lick the condom? Oh how considerate of you Mr. Wayne!?! You let her lick the wrapper! As if she wanted to. Condoms taste like toxic waste. Nothing taste better than coagulated semen and spermicidal lubricant. Plus most people don’t use condoms if they’re blowing someone. But wait. We have our dear friends the flavored condom. These gems add fun and excitement to your sex life, on top of YEAST INFECTIONS AND BACTERIAL VAGINOSIS. Thats right folks, these flavored goodies are clinically proven to cause itchiness, burning and white discharge in the female genitalia. I guess if you are strictly using them for blow jobs, than I guess you’re good to go? So flavored condoms might be the wrapper?

#2. I let her lick my scrotum. This explanation settles with me a little more. I know that most men like their scrotums licked during oral sex. If you are a clean man, your scrotum probably taste like nothing (fingers crossed for you little hussies licking lollipops) Scrotums are wrappers to the balls, and balls are kind of shaped like blow pops? So thats my guess people.

Oh boy. First, please never write again. I have no fucking clue what you said in those last few sentences. And second, you know what all of that reminded me of? One of those awkward, forced laughter moments you have with a friend that you don’t know well enough to say “shut the fuck up ” to when they start trying to be funny and are failing miserably.

Miss Fit, I don't hate what you do, just stick to the music and avoid the wit. I’m sure there are at least two other versions of Katy Perry’s “ I kissed a girl” waiting to be remixed. Leave the bad mouthing to me, in the case of Lil Wayne, to Perez Hilton. And most importantly please do not worry about me failing at Season 2 and running out of things to write about on my blog. As long as you write for Glitter and Gold, I will always have material for Defame: Orlando.
And give me one of those damn baby kittens.

DEFAMED: Sam Glicken(?)

2008-07-03T19:08:00.000-04:00

And after reading that flyer lets not forget, "The music I probably never wanted to hear..."

I'm backkkkk. And I'm starting with our dear Orlando Promoter Mr. Sam aka Cru Jones...

A man who has failed at quite a few nights. And a man who has built up quite a few other nights that we wish had failed. I will give you this much, you are determined. Let’s run down the list, and forgive me if I skip anything, because you’ve screwed up at so many fucking places I can’t even begin to keep up with you. We have or had 90's night at crooked bayou then at Voyage, a stint at Sat/Thurs (or Blackout, rather...a night that failed in general, maybe partly because of you), Rockstar Karaoke?, Old town?, and now The Globe...ehhh I don’t feel like getting into all of them.

I, however, am here to help. I’ve created a few nights and idea’s for you and I have a feeling they will be right up your alley. Especially since you seem to have a thing for blast from the past structures. Don’t thank me. Thank Orlando for still opening their doors one after another after another after another...after another...after another...etc, etc...for you.

8-Track Mondays @ Wing Shack.
Premise: Self Explanatory.

Transformer Tuesdays @ Walmart’s Lawn and Garden Center.
Premise: Bring your favorite childhood toys in from the 80s and Sam will make them dance LIVE to the music.

Retro LaserDisc Wednesdays @ Lazy Moon Pizza
Premise: Sam lifts giant cd’s into a music player and eats pizza.

Phonograph Thursdays @ Johnny Rockets
Premise: Sam will turn the handle on all the toe tapping hits of 1876.

Xylophone Zoo Wii Night Fridays@ Skull Kingdom
Premise: YOU pick the zoo animal. Sam and your animal of choice will play the xylophone by your side while you play your favorite wii game on the big screen in front of everyone.

Break Up CD Saturdays @ Sonics Semoran Blvd.
Premise: While you wait for your food alone and heartbroken, Sam pulls up next to you in his car and turns up the volume on all the tear jerking hits you weren't ready to hear yet.

Album Cover Sundays @ The Colonial Promenade Dollar Theatre
Premise: Sam plays a slideshow of album covers on the screen while standing off to the side, beatboxing.

Feel free to use those. You too, Chris Kirkpatrick and Fritz. Don't think I don't see you two eyeballing Xylophone Zoo Wii Night.

Ahh that felt good. Need more.

Oh Peanut Butter and Fridayssssss....

Previously On Defame...

2008-06-27T01:36:00.000-04:00

The Tropicals were called out on being the biggest bunch of half naked fags, mistakingly throwing up the letter T in front of their faces, instead of the letter L. Sorry, I lost the picture damn it.

Their other ladder climbing friends ragged on for being mindless myspace followers in one of the most bizarre trends to hit the Orlando myspace scene… [Brackets].

Aaron Wright was gently put on the roaster. Details of his marriage and current high school girlfriend were conveniently left out.

Jamesson was called out on being exactly what he was, a fame seeking Orlando gay club doorboy who took entirely too many pictures of himself .

Downtown Jewlie Purple cried that her airbrushed pictures were used illegally and not for the public. Her myspace is private, yet available to over 5,000 “friends”.

We were better informed of M.C Rad ‘s gay hair , failing promoting career, virginity, and love for songs such as “Hey there Delilah”.

Adrian’s possible coke habit was unveiled, only to then reveal his (ex)boyfriend Seans coke habit, which then unveiled about 6 other scenies coke habits later on in the comments.

This guy was unfortunately brought to light. .

Wax Troll’s were spotted in nightclubs to pose next to ,

Renee’s fake titty “I have them, but you can’t see them” Internet cam whore scam was "busted". Her hair has still not been introduced to shampoo.

Liquid Cellar was unshockingly revealed as a shithole

Girl’s at Sam’s I love the 90’s did this ,

Pounders renamed itself something just as sausagefesty

Wes ran away with carnivals money, but not really because Adrian was pocketing it on the side while charging full price at the doors and taking away guest lists.. And Hugo had an online nervous breakdown, but returned to Carnival a week later.

Yip Yip continued to blend into the walls of a state fair fun house .

Gay naked Timothy got warm by a fire

The lead singer of Blood on the Dance Floor tried to move out of his parents Windermere house, but failed like his music.. He is still trying to find that perfect glue to hold his mic stand together.

The entire town of Bithlo joined us to defend Mike Busey and learnededed for the first time ever how to type on a computer keyboard.

Kinetica was trashed for endless pictures of themselves looking hopelessly in love, extra matchy, and a bit creepy . Their sassilacious videos with guests spots going to Zelda characters were received with cringing laughter.

And Delmar got kicked out of Florida. .

I smell a Defamed: Season Two coming on...

And just for old times sake:

Oh man. I miss this thing.

Adios Assholes

2008-06-19T11:45:00.003-04:00

I figured I wouldn't leave you totally empty handed with nothing to say about it all. Anyone miss it? Glad it's gone?

Defame Season 1

2008-06-16T21:25:00.002-04:00

DEFAMED: Rip Rockin' Richey

Thank you in advance Richey for requesting my friendship online so that I didn’t have to go searching for you. You made my job so much easier.

At first glance at this site and what was written all over his pictures I was afraid I was about to Defame a dead kid. Then I realized I had read it wrong, the “RIP” didn’t have dots in between the letters and he was indeed alive and breathing. Fifty horribly photoshopped images later, music rivaling bands as bad as BOTDF’s (see lyrics to Song below”, and three video’s of this jackass calling himself ROCKINNNNN’ and putting sing songy rhyming sounds after EVERYTHING he said later, I suddenly wished that I was correct in what I had initially assumed about the guy.

You’re all gonna seriously shoot me for this. Give it at least a minute and a half. That’s all I gave it. Here is Richey's Debut Music Video.

“I want to be an American Idol so I can be a better role model and help save the animals”

Now I will leave you all with the lyrics I tried my best to figure out to Rip Rockin Richey’s "Rockin Reject”

Rockin Reject

RIPP Rockin!!!

Am I someone famous
Am I someone that everyone knows
Or am I someone famous
Or am I someone that nobody knows
I couldn’t help but to riot
Kicked out by the idols
I couldn’t help to balsfaj ajfhakjhfa
Asufhah! Fhjaifh!!

Chorus

Acceptably unaccepted
On American idol weekend
Kicked off the show now
Ekjfhakjhak afha!
They couldn’t handle me
I’m Rip Rockin Richey
I’ll kajhfajf with them with the Punk Rock!!!

The next song was titled “Avrilicious”

And the lyrics started with:

I love Avril Lavigne
I love Avril Lavigne
I love Avril Lavignnnnneeeee!!!!

Haaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Defame Season 1

2008-06-05T23:06:00.001-04:00

DEFAMED: Pounders/Octagon Bar

Classless college hoochies and their god damn flip flops and evening attire.

Soooo. Anyone want to explain to me what the fuck this is and why the hell you go? And please. Straight males. Speak up. I'm verrrry curious.

Thought I'd add this:

It's a UCF Party bus. Takin' the kids home from Pounders. Feel free to sing along.

Defame Season 1

2008-06-04T22:39:00.003-04:00

DEFAMED: Jamesson Beane

In case you don't know what makes our lovely orlando go round, this weekend begins the long awaited GAY DAYS! I will wait to defame this wonderful event, until I get a good eyeball full of all the short shorts, chiseled anorexia man abs, and spray tans I can handle in the pictures that will follow it.

However, I just couldn't leave you empty handed right now. If you weren't aware of this already, we have our very own version of "Leave Brittney Alone!!!!" right here in this rainbow city of ours. Jamesson Beane Everyone (Jamesson himself asked that I remove the original image so I replaced it with this one. Hope this works for you Jamesson!)...

A model, an actor, a writer, a gay club doorboy(oh yes ladies and gentleman, modeling can get you far), not to mention the "fifth polka dot", Extremely high fashioned...

pffft hahaha. sorry, that last one...

Always supporting walmarts line of mac cosmetics "MAC The Morning After"...

Girl hair bob wearin' Celebrity mingler...

And really, can one even mingle with someone more famous than Frenchie from the Rock of Love II? Count in myspace whore and NY fashion week after party attender, Jameeson Beane has done it all!!! (yet still lives here in Orlando). Let's not forget his stab at reality tv, being thisclose to becoming a contender on VH1's "America's Most Smartest Super Model". Attached is his video diary, a piece I believe he used to get in the contest, thoroughly proving the mind blowing thoughts this genius model deals with on a regular basis...

Cheers!

Defame Season 1

2008-05-24T22:21:00.004-04:00

DEFAMED: Liquid Cellar

I have to admit, Liquid Cellar did one very right thing when they came up with the drink specials for their bar. They offer a plethora of unlimited drink nights, with a cheap entrance fee, almost ever single day they are open, knowing it would only take a deal like that to get people in this beer pit of college trash. Please note that while $10 will get you unlimited drinks all night, drinking like this every week doesn’t come without a price. The picture below is a direct indication of what the asshole on the right will look like a year from now...

I continued to skim what appears to be the worst photosite known to this city in an effort to find some more typical dudebro's/douchebags/etc, but came to the conclusion that the photographer only had his lens aimed at the masses of forever 21 dresses paired with flip flops and god knows whatever this is.

And this

And this intelligent bar patron.

not to mention the whitest dancing

And a wonderful example of why no one graduates from this college:

In conclusion...

I found this bar as well as its pictures to be some of the most ugly and absolutely boring material I have come across thus far. Even if it was only via the internet, I hate you all for making me go here and am still confused as to why there is even a photographer in such a dump.

Defame Season 1

2008-05-20T22:55:00.002-04:00

DEFAMED: Mike Busey

Ladies and Gentlemen…

Meet Mike Busey.

You want to be his friend. And now you can have the chance! Be a part of the Busey is My Buddy fan club and welcome a lifetime of membership privileges that include but are not limited to:

A lapdance from an Orlando skank fresh of an std infested sex swing located in the very home of Mike Busey himself.

An all access pass to his home, The Sausage Castle, complete with your very own group of 7 Bithlo residents to keep you company for the night.

A yearly copy of a letter that Mike Busey requests from his "uncle" Gary Busey in Hollywood, so you can rest assure that Mike is still of C-list celebrity descent.

And a glimpse into the friendship of Mike Busey and this Jackass TV star:

No wait not Johnny Knoxville. This guy!

Wait no not Bam either. This guy!

Oh yes. You can stop rubbing your eyes. That IS actually Don Vito, Bam’s loser uncle. Think of how close you can be to him!

With this membership you are also entitled to a lifetime of second rate girls gone wild parties and every trailer park stripper in the city.

Again. All of this can be yours. For pennies you too can be living the Z-list celebtrity dream.

Join now for $.30 cents a year!

Defame Season 1

2008-05-18T20:06:00.005-04:00

DEFAMED: Blake Anger

Just for fun I decided to create Blake Stamos.

In the long run I don't know how much harm it does to basically say Blake looks like one of the most handsome men in Hollywood. But I still chuckled. I have to say though, it was this picture that made me spit my gatorade on the computer screen.

Like a little gay merman rising from a sea of golddd

Defame Season 1

2008-05-15T18:50:00.004-04:00

DEFAMED: Blood On The Dance Floor

Blood on the Dance Floor. It was left anonymously in the Kinetica post, and I just couldn't chance this sliding under the radar. I think this is the first time I've ever been just plain speechless since starting this blog. From the song titles to the rainbow bright doll sitting on his head, I'm at the point now that even I can't believe what is actually going on around us in Orlando. I mean I thought a few pairs of shutter shade sunglasses were reasons enough for people to kill themselves. Once again I am at a loss for words, with only someone's pictures and home video's here to help me describe to you the kaleidoscope of color fuck I have just laid eyes on.

Blood On The Dance Floor 1st Tour Diary!

I thought the video and voice would help me better determine what exactly it was staring back at me in the pictures, but I am still at a total loss.

Exclusive! Clear all sharp objects away from your desk. You now have the chance to listen to a single! And please. Listen to it. Hearing the lyrics after watching the home video...is just priceless.

And call me opitimistic, but I have a feeling that NO ONE is going to come to this things defense.

Defame Season 1

2008-05-15T18:46:00.005-04:00

DEFAMED: Deltronic

Don't expect many comments on this one. This is just a quick news flash about a complete moron from Florida. And who knows how old this news is, lord knows I've never paid attention to his whereabouts. Except that one time when he finally left Orlando...

Delmar, ahem, currently known as Deltronic, and maybe after having his geeky body flung off the stage and out club doors by security at the last Justice show, has left the state of Florida and moved to Chicago!!! Could this be true?? Are there really no more club nights left to infect and destroy with his presence in this sunny state?

With that said, we wish you the best of luck! And by you, I mean the state of Illinois.

Defame Season 1

2008-05-13T18:58:00.002-04:00

DEFAMED: Kinetica

Oh god. Where do I even start with these two? Should I even write anything? Or should I just let you watch their music video that includes a special appearence of Link from Zelda and let you have at them yourselves. Please. Watch this. Then continue.

I have to say. After watching that I wanted to punch my dog, shoot my roommate and eat a baby. I couldn't even begin to describe every feeling that went through me. And it wasn't just the video. It was the whole myspace page in itself. I was sucked into a bizarro world of two people more conceited than I have ever witnessed in my entire life. I couldn't believe this wasn't a joke. Can you really, and I mean really, be this self involved??

Does your myspace headline actually really say:

"We're the statuesque color coordinated couple..."

Does your about me section really read like this??:

"Cathylee was living in westpalm beach attending PBAU when she added my profile. I was living in a little town in southern Oregon. I was a big fish in a small pond... We met briefly in a dance bar while I was on holiday in Miami. When I was visiting family in L.A. we talked on AIM. Sparks flew and we quickly became myspace lovers. Cathylee couldn’t resist my charms and had to have me, so she bought me a one way ticket to florida. Instead of boarding my flight to oregon I flew to westpalm with only a suitcase and a dream girl anxiously waiting for my arrival. I initially planned to only stay a week but we fell madly in love and I never went home. She dropped out of college to stay with me... It’s been nothing but a fairytale romance ever since, a story for the silver screen... These are our love songs to eachother. You’ll see our sassy salacious physiques onstage before you know what hit you... We’re coming like a thief in the night. We’re the dance sensation that’s sweeping the nation... We love sashaying so look for us at your local disco dance floor!

You're sassy salaci....AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Really?!??!?! Who are your friends??? Why haven't they said ANYTHING to you yet.

P.S. I know. They are good decent hearted people who didn't deserve any of this blah blah blah.

The fuck they didn't.

Defame Season 1

2008-05-12T18:59:00.002-04:00

DEFAMED: Local Webcam Skank

Old news to some, new news to many. That's why I am here. To make sure we're all on the same page.

Julie was right. Why pick on her when there are ACTUAL internet hussies out there doing things much more interesting for every creep on the web. And before you get on me about not embracing the sexual revolution, I see nothing wrong with it. I also see nothing wrong with spreading the word on our local cam whores. Anyone up for a haggard blond, touched up photos and some shitty plastic surgery?

Woo!

Renee's...I mean Ashton's page.

http://nogirlnextdoor.com/

Defame Season 1

2008-05-11T19:01:00.004-04:00

DEFAMED: Stardust Grandma Bazaar

Everyone gear up those one-speed bikes and save that money for a shitty sock puppet robot. It’s the Grandma Party at Stardust May 18th.

This is a special event for those who can’t afford to live in Brooklyn and attend events at the McCarren Pool. This however certainly does not mean they can’t rip off the same exact ideas going on there, only on a much much smaller scale. Before attending this event, please make sure you have read through the dress code and show up in the appropriate and contrived attire: tight denim jeans cut just above the knees, low top converse (no socks) or old saucony running shoes, faded out too tight t-shirt from goodwill, “Faux” vintage 80’s clothing from Forever 21, and hair that hasn’t been washed in at least two weeks.

In addition to your unwashed hair. Please do not forget to scare the shit out of anyone you have ever met in the bar who has yet to see you in the daylight. We’d hate for them to ever believe you weren’t half as pasty and greasy as you really are.

And last but not least, no cars. Now I know you drive that brand new Volkswagen Jetta, but we’d rather you just be cool like the rest of us kids and pretend that you only own a Schwinn from the 1970’s.

P.S . I support this sale. Just not your ugly boat shoes.

Defame Season 1

2008-05-09T19:05:00.003-04:00

DEFAMED: Snow Bunny

I'm gonna be honest with you. I really have no idea what the hell I am looking at here, to even make a decent post.

All I know is its been 95 fucking degrees out for the past month now.

Defame Season 1

2008-05-08T19:07:00.003-04:00

DEFAMED: Aaron Wright

Come with me back in time. To 2002 to be exact. To a place called Backbooth, and a man named Andy. There was the grand opening of the venue downtown, live bands playing every other day, punk and grunge events, and a little night we fondly remember as Andy's Beer School.

Then one day there was a new owner. A dispute. No more Andy. And no original barstaff.

Enter Aaron Wright.

A.K.A THE BOSS

As far as Aaron goes. I like the man. And as I heard, the original staff was overly pretentious anyways, so I don't give a shit if they are there or not either. But as far as the change in atmosphere of the bar goes? This was a fucking cool place. And Andy's Beer School was not only successful, but different from any of the 9,000 kiddy nights we have going on these days. I have yet to be in a bar/club/venue downtown with as many X's on the patrons hands, as your beloved Backbooth. You certainly can not be making ANY money off the sale of alcohol. At this point, you might as well just carve a round wooden circle into the middle of your bar's dance floor and make this a skating rink for teens to drink Dr. Peppers at every Friday and Saturday night. I'm sure the place would fair just as well.

Then it hit me. Of course. Aaron wants it this way. A grown man in his 30's with teenage girls at his disposal every night? How else could he have landed this classy 15 year old...er...18 year old broad?

Defame Season 1

2008-05-06T19:09:00.001-04:00

DEFAMED: Downtown Jewelie Nobody

I'm sure you must have run into this Forbidden wannabe in Firestone's VIP section catering to her friends and not you, or in some button up wearing Happy Hour crowded bar. With only a couple million more friends to go on myspace, she is well on her way to becoming the likes of Tila Tequila and other myspace nobodys with tits and the ability to pose and be over photoshopped.

"photo removed at the request of copyright owner"

Nice artisticly painted arms Julie. (and btw, I'm calling you Julie for now on, because I am going to give your parents the benefit of the doubt and not believe they actually spelled your name any other way).

Trying to get a better idea of who Julie really was I tried out her myspace page. Thanks for adding me babe. I found what I needed and have already deleted you. Skimming through her overwritten about me section which seems to have been done up by an 11 year old, I noticed one thing that made me feel quite guilty over defaming this sweet innocent person. And that's that she doesn't seem to like all the attention she recieves on myspace at all. In fact she seems to find it appalling that any man would want to contact her just for her body and say dirty things in messages. Allow me to quote her.

"photo removed at the request of copyright owner"

Woops. Where did that come from? Anyways. On with the quote:

"I want to start Off by saying that if u plan on sending me a Friend Request Please atleast talk to me First but Please Do NOT send me Perverted messages Like " yo, Ma I want to slide up in that" Because first of all U are NOT going to get a reply back... ANd, then dont get mad when i dont... Just sit there and think of how Pathetic u are even writing that!!!!!!!"

That's true Julie. They are pathetic for thinking any such thing.

"photo removed at the request of copyright owner"

Oops. What the hell is going on here. Some how the pictures on your myspace page keep getting tangled in the blog. I've got nothing else. Just feel bad for poor
Julie and stop treating her like a piece of meat already. She is obviously more than that.

"photo removed at the request of copyright owner"

Defame Season 1

2008-05-02T19:12:00.002-04:00

DEFAMED: Random Locals

This photo just made you asexual...

The Real World: Apopka Reunion

Defame Season 1

2008-04-30T18:30:00.002-04:00

DEFAMED: Angry King Adrian

Please be wearing that hat when you greet me.

Oh Adrian. I like you, I really do. And I really felt bad and did try to save you some face by removing that last post. But you had to go and behind the scenes as well as on here, threaten a good handful of people who had nothing to do with this site whatsoever. Giving them credit where credit wasn't deserved. Shame on you King Adrian. Shame on you.

Defame Season 1

2008-04-30T18:28:00.001-04:00

DEFAMED: MC Rad

I’d just like to bring to your attention the most disappointing rise and fall of a local promoter. Follow me here. When I first started paying attention, he was going strong with a popular 80’s night at A.K.A Lounge, wrecked his image in my mind when he started promoting for Rockstar Karaoke, and when you thought he couldn’t get any lower than Voyage nightclub, Matt proved the almost impossible and began posting flyers for Chillers, Big Belly Brewery, and Latitudes.

Sellout
Definition: Anyone who sacrifices artistic integrity in an effort to become more successful or popular ; someone who forgets their roots.

Now the word "sellout" has always been linked to some things such as bands changing their music to sign a contract with a record label for more money. Which I always thought was maybe true but a little unfair, because I know that many of us would do the same thing to be millionaires. I’m willing to bet that Matt is not a millionaire right now. But I couldn't think of anything better to describe a sellout than a promoter who decides to promote for any bar on Church Street.

With all that said, I really didn’t want to Defame him, because he is a genuine nice guy. But when I arrived on his myspace page, the plain White T’s “Hey there Delilah” song started playing and that really was just the last straw for me.

Defame Season 1

2008-04-29T18:32:00.002-04:00

DEFAMED: E2G Photography

Way to market yourself E2G. What a smart and savvy way to use patrons shameless pictures to direct web traffic to... your... competitors photosites?

Defame Season 1

2008-04-29T18:31:00.002-04:00

DEFAMED: Props

Carnival seems to be aiming for authenticity these days. To give you more of that “Whimsical Carnival” feeling, they are now decorating the bar with tattooed leprechauns to pose next to.

Defame Season 1

2008-04-28T21:36:00.001-04:00

DEFAMED: Pauly Crush's Nonsensical Club Attire

Alright. We use flashlights to help us better see things in the dark. We use sunglasses to help us block the light. What exactly was Paul trying to accomplish in the above picture? We may never know. We also may never know what he was doing spinning at Carnival in the first place, esp. after seeing that obviously pointless defaming flyer (which I had no part in) from a few weeks back. Ahh the mystery's of the world...

Also, a big thanks goes out to the new sceney picture site partyfoulz.com that just popped up, providing me with the above. Making it a one stop shop of material for me to poop on.

Defame Season 1

2008-04-24T18:34:00.003-04:00

DEFAMED: Kanye West Shutter Glasses

Congrats. Your face looks like an ass pressed up against a lawn chair.

Defame Season 1

2008-04-23T18:39:00.002-04:00

DEFAMED : The Tropicals

I hate doing this. To write about it, is to bring more attention to a stupid trend that I really hope just disappears into the mass supra sneakers and florescent sunglasses wearing sea of followers. But as I sit back and glance at the myspace bulletins, I shake my head as I watch more and more people attaching a bracket to their user name, inside the bracket a word that only indicates to me [I am an empty headed retard, with no real sense of SELF, only driven and controlled by a scene, and a hand gesture that defines not who I am, but who I follow]. Wait. Maybe you're (fortunately) not in the know. Allow me to introduce to you…ugh…the TROPICALS.

I’ve been asked several times what it means and have come up with the answer, despite what even the tropicals themselves believe.

Tropicals- A group of people who have come together because of a common disease called Individuality Disorder. They cannot function as one human alone in the social scene. Status points are based on how many people they can get to distort their hands into a popular letter in the alphabet. You will find this disease is not uncommon. The following simple test can be done to show how alarmingly fast this disorder can spread:

*Enter a popular bar/club with a large amount of patrons who you cannot tell the sex of by their haircuts.
*Stick a pile of poop on your head
*Get a popular club night photographer to take a picture of the poop on your head.
*Let the picture of you with poop on your head get posted on the photographers blog.
*Enter same club the following week.
*Voila. Everyone has poop on their head.

Frightening isn't it?

Defame Season 1

2008-04-23T18:38:00.004-04:00

DEFAMED: Ladder Climbers

Ladder Climbers- They can also be known as, people who somehow know you, whose names you barely can remember and whose phone numbers you will never use. You can attract a ladder climber simply by accepting their friend request on myspace. This ladder climber could really care less about who you were before they saw you in pictures with the clubs dj or promoter. You may one day exchange numbers, but they will never be used during the daytime just to shoot the shit or have lunch. Your number is for pre-club night texting only. In person you have absolutely nothing to say to a ladder climber ever unless you are completely shitfaced. And when you are, you will find your conversations only consist of "I am so drunk", "I miss your face" and "Kevin take a picture of us!". The great thing is within a week you will see that you have been honored with a position in their top 8, feel like one of their newest and most beloved friends, only to be replaced by someone else 7 days later, because you did a very bad thing. You got a job and stopped going out on the weekdays.